Why Single Parents Should Stop Working? Essay

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Updated: Mar 17th, 2024

Introduction

In the recent past, the entire world is facing an ever-increasing number of single parents. The greatest numbers are women; they form over 90% of the single parents in America (Countler 1). There are generally three forms that singlehood comes into being; firstly, out of own choice; this is whereby somebody decides he or she would not get into marriage but would like to have a child. The child may be his or her own biological child or it may be an adopted one, whichever the case parenting must be effectively done. Singlehood is an increasing trend especially in career women (Hetherington 45). The second one is through calls of nature this may be through the death of a spouse. Thirdly, when a divorce is granted there is the parent who bears the burden of bringing up the children. There is another way that is taking form especially in the developing country; this is “unwanted” pregnancy. The pregnancy has been recorded mostly from school girls as young as thirteen years. They at times get pregnant from irresponsible men and are given the challenge of bringing the child up. Taking the situation from a broader perspective the issue cannot be ignored especially in this era of test-tube babies. On the other hand, something is in society because society needs it. There is thus a need to give an opinion on how to balance the daily activities and the new responsibility that we have engaged in. Whatever the case, there is an innocent child that deserves a decent upbringing. A single mother has a decision to make whether to stay home with the child or to go back to work. She has to balance being the breadwinner and rising of the child. Too many single mothers have no choice but to go back to work after the birth of the child due to financial reasons. In this paper, I will give reasons why a mother must stay at home during the early childhood years versus working while fighting the problem of daycare and babysitters.

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Bonding

It is during the early ages in life that a mother and a child develop a bond. The child at birth is innocent and ready to learn. The child is presumed “empty” and the parent has the power to determine what the child should learn. The bond created has the following advantages to the child;

Security

One of the ways that make the child secure is the existence of a caring adult, the child develops a sense of belonging. The first bonding is through the body scent of the mother. The scent of a mother gives the child a secure feeling if it knows that the parent is caring and there for her or him. An interesting survey showed that if a well-bonded child starts to cry in the absence of the mother, then you look for a worn garment of the mother, and let the child get the scent, the child just relaxes and keeps quiet. The reasoning behind the above survey was that one of the major reasons that the child cries is uncertainty that she derives from the new world it has come to, to avoid the uncertainty he or she gets a lot of comfort from the parent. When it smells the scent of the parent it feels a sense of security and keeps quiet. Another research showed that a child that is not well bonded grows to be an adult who is insecure and anxious (Wilmshurst 34). They look for a sense of belonging and may end up going the wrong day, for example, a lady from a single parent, when she was the age to get a boyfriend, she can hardly make a relationship, she always thought that the boyfriend that she gets will abandon her as the father did to the mum. On the other hand, she may not know how to handle a man in different situations because she has never seen it done.

Skin contact

Another way that a child bonds with the parent are through skin contact, when the child is breastfeeding the mother is advised to ensure that there is close skin contact. Men/ fathers are also advised to hold their toddlers when they don’t have a shirt to bond with the child this is the same concept. This contact cannot in any way be available when the single mother is at the job place. For example, children that are brought up by babysitters, get attached to the babysitter to a point that they deny their parents. They feel not attached to the parent and would even share their fears with the baby sitter than the mum.

Developing the sense of intimacy in a child

The early year bonding helps the child in developing a sense of intimacy. This can be seen when a parent, especially a mother washing a baby boy, is washing the baby or even massaging it then gets aroused. The body of the child interpolates the touching and awakes her or his sense of intimacy. This is developed early enough and the lack of it has a lasting effect on the life of the child. For example, the man may feel that he does not have the sexual drive that he is supposed to have to make love, this has been explained by marriage/ sex counselors that the made failed to develop the need when he was socialized, and thus the problem is haunting even now.

Developing Good Communication Skills

Communication is developed at an early age; this is done through the eye to eye contact with the child. This means a lot to the child as it learns how to express itself using the eyes, later in life the child will take up the communication and the attribute of expressing itself in life. When the child expresses itself to the parent then it’s the best for the same and thus in later life, it can choose who to share life issues with. A child can develop good communication skills also and grow without worries in life if it just listens to the parent talk, why deny the child this important stage by being at work. For example, a woman who has never seen his mum consulting the dad (actually the dad is not there) will most likely do the same in her marriage; she will make decisions and implementing them without consulting the husband. This may be a source of problems in the family.

Self-esteem

A sense of self-esteem develops when a child feels cared for. This is through the early bonding stage and activities done to the child to relax are important. A good example of one of the ways that a child feels cared for is by massaging the child. The child develops hope and self-love (Woods and Pretorius 77). This is a process that bedsitters or the early childhood home schools cannot effectively perform. Finally, it is through bonding that a child develops social and cognitive aspects. These are aimed at assisting the child later in life in social aspects. For example, take a case that a boy has grown among others who are always quoting what their dad did to them, but for him, he does not have anything to talk about, even the dad is not there he will grow to believe that he is less of a man and this will affect him later in life. He will develop low self-esteem.

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Socialization

“We are what we were socialized to be” this statement means that as much as we have some biological characteristics that define the way we look, take a thing, and react to situations, the greatest percentage is through the socialization process. But when does the socialization process start, the process starts right when the child is formed in the mother’s womb. Right from conception, the child is a living thing and it communicates with the outside world through the mother. Then after the birth and as discussed earlier the bonding stars followed by the socialization at an advanced stage (Wolfgang and Bullock 45). Beliefs, attitudes, values, characters, interests, and the perception that a child develops are a result of early socialization. There is what every parent would like to have for the child. It is her or his responsibility to instill it (Kagan, and Herschkowitz 14). For example, if a child is born in a violent family, the chances that the child becomes violent in its adulthood are higher. How if the child was brought up by an irresponsible babysitter? It is through socialization that the child develops the right and wanted behavior, morals, and attitude in life. These are duties that cannot be trusted by somebody else. The behavior that the child is going to adapt will be instilled as early as the time of initial socialization.

Breastfeeding and its advantages

One of the most important things that a parent can do to a child is to breastfeed the child. By breastfeeding, we mean that the child sucks directory from the mother’s breasts. It not only reinforces mother-child bonding as discussed earlier but is also a health issue. This need has been realized by the U.S. and in the health bill section 4207, compels employers to put up measures in the workplace to ensure that mothers can get the regular time and breastfeed the child while at work. But how practical is this section? It almost doesn’t work. The mother after breastfeeding wants about thirty minutes of rest, will this be possible? The solution is leaving the job. Research has shown that the longer a mother breastfeeds her child the lower the chances of diseases in the future (Cockerill, Sheridan, and Sharma 41). The diseases include diabetes, obesity, and heart attack. An ideal situation that can be created by the mother stopping his duties and attend to the child is that the child should be breastfeed at least three times a day. The minimum period that breastfeeding should be done to get a satisfactory result is at least for up to the child’s first birthday (Owusu-Bempah 14).

Mother and Breast Cancer

Research done on breast cancer has shown the allowing mothers to breastfeed their children reduces the risk of a mother getting breast cancer this is because the process reduces estrogen hormone- the hormone that is behind the malignant growth of breast cells. This goes further to give the benefit of breastfeeding not only to the child but also to the mother. There are many various reasons that women have given for not breastfeeding, they include keeping shape (Benson and Jatoi 44). As much as this is important to the woman the benefits of breastfeeding surpass this importance.

Conclusion

The decision to raise a child especially by single mothers is not an overnight decision and so the woman should be willing to make a real sacrifice to bring up the child. It is the greatest thing that a child can derive from the parent apart from normal childbearing. There is some naturally provided connection between the child and the mother. There should not be anything that should be used as an alternative or even as an excuse for a mother not taking care of a newborn more so in the early years of development. On the other hand, breastfeeding cannot be over-emphasized; it has numerous advantages to the health of the mother and the child. We can make sacrifices for newborns. I will end with a statement that says “the best legacy that anyone can leave in this world is that of bringing the child in the right way, it will last in generations to come.” Let’s make the sacrifice for our children, it is worthy for a healthy nation both physically and psychologically.

Works Cited

Benson, R. John and Jatoi, Ismail. Management Options in Breast Cancer: Case Histories, Best Practice, and Clinical Decision-Making. New York: Informa Healthcare, 2009.

Cockerill, Helen, Sheridan, Mary and Sharma, Ajay. From birth to five years: children’s developmental progress, 3rd edition. London: Routledge, 2007.

Countler, Anne. Right Wing News: the statistics from Guilt. Washington: John Hawkins, 2009.

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Hetherington, Mavis. Coping with divorce, single parenting, and remarriage: a risk and resiliency perspective. London: Routledge, 1998.

Kagan, Jerome and Herschkowitz, Norbert. A Young Mind in a Growing Brain. Washington D.C.: Psychology press, 2008.

Owusu-Bempah, Kwame. Children and Separation: Socio-Genealogical Connectedness Perspective. London: Routledge, 2007.

Wilmshurst, Linda. Abnormal Child Psychology: A Developmental Perspective. London: Rutledge, 2008.

Wolfgang, Schneider, and Bullock, Merry. Human development from early childhood to early adulthood: findings from a 20 year longitudinal study. Washington: psychology press, 2008.

Woods, Zaphiriou and Pretorius, Inge-Martine. Parents and Toddlers in Groups: A Psychoanalytic Developmental Approach. London: Routledge, 2010.

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