It is common knowledge that humans are social beings who are in constant need for affection and communication with each other. These two factors form the foundation for the establishment of love and relationships that are three fold in nature;
a) relationships between parents and their children (b) relationships between spouses and (c) relationships between friends. Whenever we mention the word love, most people only think of it within the confines of a relationship; that involves intimacy and romanticism, but love goes beyond that, it involves family and friends too (Keen, 1999).
This paper therefore seeks to exercise its mandate of shedding light on society’s perception of the aforementioned relationships, and expectations placed on all the agents involved in the various relationships.
The Dynamics of Parent-Child Relationships
The relationship between parents and their children is considered to be the most important of all relationships, because it plays a pivotal role in defining ones character. Children who grow up in families where parents openly show care and compassion, turn out to be individuals who can share their problems with others, and find solutions through brainstorming with friends.
Consequently, such people tend to suffer fewer incidences of depression and withdrawal from society. On the other hand, children who grow up in families where communication is limited and affection is not expressed, will undoubtedly transform to adults with wanting social skills, and would indeed be weighed down by challenges in life, because of keeping everything bottled up inside.
Incidentally, children grow by emulating the actions of those around them, particularly their parents. Seemingly, society has conditioned us to expect parents to provide their children with basic necessities like food, shelter, clothing and decent education from kindergarten to college level, up to the time they are able to be independent and fend for themselves.
On the flipside, parents always want to have full command of their children’s respect, and expect them to always follow their advice and envisage a scenario where their grown up children, will take care of them physically, financially and emotionally in their old age.
Relationships between Spouses
“Love is not something we fall into, but a complex art combining many talents that take a lifetime to learn fully” (Keen, 1999, p.5). The sort of love/relationship that leads to marriage is one that happens spontaneously. It is forged out of intimacy and is based on natural attraction of men and women to each other; that culminates to two consenting adults settling down under the doctrines of marriage.
Marriage comes with a lot of responsibilities, which surpass paying house bills. When two people from different family backgrounds settle down, weaknesses that were not visible during courtship tend to become very conspicuous. A perfect example is the untidiness of most men that is impulsive to women (Pines, 2000).
Therefore tolerance is something that both parties in marriage are expected to practice because, there is no human being who is perfect. ”We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly” (Keen, 1999, p.20).
Society has gradually departed from a generation where men were the penultimate breadwinners in the family, and women were just mere housewives who were expected to cook, and clean. The modern day marriage expects the man to chip in and help the wife with the household chores, because life is very competitive nowadays.
People are constantly upgrading their education, to meet the proliferating employer demands. The end result is that spouses are always leaving home early and coming home late tired, and everyone is expected to do his or her part with regard to the household chores and the children.
Other than the financial and the physical facets of marriage, attention is also a vital ingredient for the success of a marriage. In as much as we a living in a fast-paced society where people are always engrossed in work and academic related activities, couples are expected to spare time for each other, to discuss issues that might be plaguing their marriage. When couples give each other attention despite hectic schedules, their love continues to blossom and things like divorce can be avoided.
Additionally, marriage is considered by most to be a holy institution in the sense that; it is ratified in church, and so the parties in marriage are expected to give God some recognition in their marriage for it to work smoothly. “Those who love know God, an invitation to experience our place in the universe through the eyes of God” (Keen, 1999, p. 30).
Cordial Relations between Friends
“Elements of love; ranging from attention-a precious gift we can bestow a co-worker, friend, child, and spouse alike, to more exclusive gifts like desire and sexuality” (Keen, 1999, p.32). Friends are very important people in our lives, because they are considered sources of emotional strength and are expected to accept us the way we are.
Ordinarily, we confide in them and tell them our deepest secrets that we may choose to keep from our parents and spouses. We tend to trust them and expect them to trust us too, because of the belief that they will never let us down when we need them most (Baer, 2004). Ultimately, friends usually accord us quality attention that spouses and parents cannot give because they are perceived as soul mates.
Friends can range from school mates, acquaintances to colleagues at work who are expected to look out for our best interests, and should share some of those memorable moments in life with us; such as the birth of a new born baby in the family. In a nutshell, we put all our hopes on our friends to come to our rescue when we are in a quagmire, and we are expected to help them when they are facing turbulent times.
Conclusion
Love is the lubricant that oils the gears of relationships, and without it there is a lot of friction in the relationships between friends, families and spouses due to the absence of affection. For relationships to be solid, there should be concerted effort made by the agents involved with regard to attention, trust, communication, because these are the tenets of a sound relationship.
In as much as relationships are hard work, and nobody can nobody function well without at least one of the above mentioned relationships; people should not expect too much from their spouses, friends and parents, because if that were to happen, it would create fertile ground for the emergence of feuds that are usually hard to end . It is therefore of paramount importance, that everyone in whichever kind of relationship does their bare minimum so as to avert unnecessary friction within the relationship circles.
References
Baer, G. (2004). Real Love: The Truth about Finding Unconditional Love and Fulfilling Relationships. New York: Gotham.
Keen, S. (1999). To Love and Be Loved. Chicago: Bantam Books.
Pines, M. A. (2000). Falling in Love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose. New York: Routledge.