Introduction
Ninety Days is a memoir book by Bill Clegg that presents the story of a literary agent, who lost everything in his life because of drug addiction. This book can be identified as the continuation of the Portrait of an Addict as a Young Man which was written by the same author earlier. If the Portrait shows the darkest moments of crack addiction, the Ninety Days book is about thousands of little steps that were taken to stay sober and try to return everything that was lost. The key steps include accepting the self and others, being honest, adhering to the routine, growing love, and praying.
Honesty and Acceptance of Self and Others
The story begins with the release of the author from rehabilitation, which is the early period of his recovery. The readers learn that he had a boyfriend, a literary office, and clients and that everybody in his surroundings knows about his addiction problem. For many addicts, telling the truth and being open to others is a critical challenge, which makes them run out, avoid meeting people, and justify any action. Being dishonest with the self leads to the destruction of personality and avoiding the truth. In Ninety Days, the first step to recovery is probably the decision to accept the self and others, recognizing that people are different and that connections can be built only by speaking the truth.
Namely, Bill enrolls in the sobriety program, visits the meetings, and tells his story. More to the point, the fact that he writes a book about his experience makes him even more open publicly to addressing fears and permitting himself to accept his personality. Many addicts pay excessive attention to self-consciousness, suffering from fears that people would not understand them. Bill managed to change this approach to people: “he puts his hand on my shoulder, this person I’ve known for less than 24 hours but who feels like my best friend” (Clegg 30). These notes show that his journey to honesty begins with openness and understanding that connections are necessary to successfully recover as they provide resources, support, and motivation.
Progressing through the recovery program, Bill accepts that he is dependent on people and that people are also dependent on each other. Instead of being dependent on drugs, he chooses to build and maintain connections with others. For example, he becomes close with a woman named Polly, who also struggled to stay sober. One day after a relapse, Polly decided to quit her recovery program, and it terrified the author. However, he cared about what would happen to Polly and her life, which is probably the most unselfish and sincere thought of Bill’s entire recovery process. This sketch reflects the depth with which Bill approached Polly, pointing to the ability of the author to be engaged in close relationships.
The main character is not focused on his problems only, he also pays attention to those around him. For example, walking on the street, he notices people in the windows: “Couples scurry home, leaning into each other, whispering stories and stressing opinions. Do they know how lucky they are?” (Clegg 20). This question shows that to Bill, human relationships are quite important for happiness and recovery from addiction. While he still has some family members, the book tells about making a second family of new friends who also have their challenges and might need help. The daily battle the main character is engaged in forces him to face mistakes and relapses, but the desire to resist the obsession turns out to become stronger.
Routines to Recover
Following a strict routine is one of the integral parts of the recovery process for drug addicts as it allows for building a new way of life and avoiding triggering points. In Ninety Days, the author narrates the deal that was made between him and his sponsor, Jack: two meetings daily during ninety days to listen to and speak to addicts and drunks. The main idea of this deal was to calm Bill and help him to figure out the mess in his mind (Clegg 13). In other words, Bill accepted that participating in the meetings was the only goal in his life within ninety days. Such an approach seems to be useful as it gives some time to a person to calm down, stand still, and switch the attention. As a result, this three months period can be enough to take a broader look at personal problems and recognize new opportunities.
Speaking in more detail about the small steps, one should note that Bill also reduced the geography of his movements to shrink the meetings with people and tolerate distress related to craving. At the same time, the author pays little attention to discovering the causes of his addiction or delving into his childhood relationships to identify any missteps. Imagination and self-reflection are powerful instruments, but they should be timely to bring benefits. In this case, a lack of self-reflection plays a positive role to calm down and interrupting the vicious circle of obsession. As a rule, Bill’s day involved two meetings, new friends, and several phrases to share common experiences – all routine and repetitive.
Likewise any other alcohol or drug addict, Bill also faced relapses. For example, he writes about inhaling the smoke and frightening that the train he waits for hits him. He thinks that“at last, the world cracks open and I fall through” (Clegg 98). Several days after this episode, he finds himself on the sofa and experiences guilt-plagued low. However, it should be stressed that the honesty with which the author narrates about similar episodes helps to perceive the story as truthful and even consider it a cautionary tale (Clegg 98). Reading this story, any lost and despaired person can find some strength to fight against addiction. It can also be useful for those around a person with the addiction to understand his or her struggles, views, and efforts.
Growing Love and Power of Prayer
It is evident that drug use leads to the degradation of a person’s identity and ultimately leads to premature death. However, if a person using drugs stops in time, he or she has a chance to survive and return to society as a full-fledged member. In the case of Bill, growing love for people is another step towards recovery. At the beginning of his journey to sobriety, Bill thought, “how many times had I been convinced that there was a dark conspiracy of intricately placed people observing, entrapping, stalking and circling? So many” (Clegg 167). After the dozens of meetings, he feels that there is some power that placed the right people at the right time in his life.
Another task of drug addicts’ rehabilitation is to restore a person’s identity that was lost during the period of drug use. Praying and spirituality in learning to live in a new way, take responsibility for personal actions and adhere to certain moral and ethical standards. In Ninety Days, there is no direct reference to a certain religion, but it is clear that the main character accepts the presence of the higher power that directs him. Even though willpower might seem a weak weapon to combat drug addiction, it is the best way that can be developed by the person himself or herself. Love is memorable and meaningful as it connects people, as shown in the book. It also gives a sense of belongingness that is critical to feeling that people around are friends.
Conclusion
To conclude, it should be emphasized that Ninety Days is a book that presents the recovery of Bill and the journey of little steps that helped him to stay sober within three months. It is a story of salvation and rebirth of a person, who acquired family love, romantic relationships, and the self again. He was adherent to the routine, accepted the self and others, recognized the importance of closeness with people, and prayed. Thus, a range of steps is taken by the author to stay sober and transform his life. In spite of having relapses, Bill remains loyal to his meeting community and the recovery process. This story offers a compelling look at overcoming drug addiction and becoming more aware of the points that help in combating this complex disease.
Reference
Clegg, Bill. Ninety Days: A Memoir of Recovery. Jonathan Cape, 2012.