Participation in this music group has made me realize some aspects of my personality like my sensitivity to sound and rhythm and my sense of insecurity and anxiety in unfamiliar settings. Initially I was not very comfortable with my group members and performed more of a supportive role until the final session when I felt secure and received an opportunity to vocalize myself and express myself freely and comfortably.
From the very beginning, I preferred the supportive role in the group which enabled me to fulfill several group functions, through which I experienced the achievement of personal goals by techniques of imitation which facilitated a secure environment for members to accept one another. It is for these reasons that I did not wish to project myself as a leader or be forceful in my approach to other members. Through the supportive role, I wished to project myself as a respectful individual to all members of the group as well as the facilitator.
Being impacted by Belarusian culture, I performed the ritual of greeting through music for a couple of sessions which also explains my choice of instruments including autoharp, harp, bells, egg shakers, drum and the xylophone. Playing the supportive role provided me an opportunity to be adoptive towards the members of the music therapy group and to facilitate them to be open with their suggestions which would also serve as a bonding process.
However, my primary objective was to seek a balance between being supportive and serving as a silent leader to the class members. Mood and self expression of members affects my self confidence and negatively affects my self confidence which also has in impact on music abilities and my interactions with others. I consider the ability to express as an important aspect of group discussions which enables members to experience therapeutic joy through the process of vocal improvisation as well as through the small solo parts which provides them an opportunity to express themselves. I also feel the need to reduce my level of sensitivity and analytic approach to the performances of other members and to be engaged in the process of improvisation more completely.
Zack, Sara, Aaron, Yi, Michele
The participation process enables members to experience a range of emotions during the improvisation process since the music therapy group facilitates natural progression through different developmental processes with each member of the group getting the chance to present their unique abilities which affect the group throughout the improvisation process. The five members of the group are Zack, Sara, Aaron, Yi and Michele who is also the fifth member of the group and a facilitator.
Zack often plays the role of a leader and initiator of the group and he is focused on innovative strategies for inspiring group members to explore new instruments during the music therapy sessions. Zack plays a central role, that of a coordinator in the music therapy session.
Sara assumes a supportive role and that of a solo in the improvisation process while Aaron assumes the role of a solo when another member assumes the process of improvisation. Playing a supportive role, Aaron is sensitive to other group members and plays the responsibility of marinating a harmonious atmosphere within group members. Yi plays a leading role as the beginner of all improvisations in the group and often has to join other members while they perform their solo improvisations in addition to her own.
Zack’s performance had an inspiring effect on me while his curiosity challenged me. The overall effect of our association was positive and provided me a sense of comfort. During the earlier sessions Zack would introduce complex rhythms which appealed to me and enabled me to relate Zack’s excitement and joy. By and large, Zack’s impression on me was positive. Even while I was facing emotions of self doubt and was wondering of my position within the group, Zack had a motivating and encouraging effect on me. Being able to interact musically with him helped me to open myself and become comfortable in the unfamiliar settings and environment.
Sara’s choice of instruments and improvisations did not resonate very well with me at the beginning of the music therapy sessions and it took me a few sessions to attain a level of comfort with her. Initially, I found it difficult to interact with her and found myself being careful in my dealings with her. However, I was greatly touched by Sara’s performance on the flute and her ability to engage me and all the other members of the group, which enabled me to understand her at a deeper level.
Aaron’s performance in the group had an overall positive effect on me and his improvisation was individual but not inviting. During the initial sessions of the music therapy, my feelings about him were mixed due to his unique ability to play on the Japanese flute. I was unsure of my interaction with him as a group member for the reason that we were seated beside each other and were using different instruments which did not match. After a few sessions, Aaron brought the slide trumpet which I am familiar with and this helped me to relate with him more positively as a group member. Due to the loud tempo of the trumpet, I did not feel nervous about giving a louder performance and this helped me to connect with Aaron.
My reaction to Yi’s performance was different, because in the beginning, Yi displayed herself as a leader and presented several improvisations which were free from melodic and rhythmical patterns, which prevented me from engaging with her. However, after several sessions, my feelings towards her began to change especially after she played the violin. Her improvisation had a positive effect on me and enabled me to open up with her and I began to know her better as a group member. Gradually, I began to develop a level of understanding with her and was able to engage with her at the personal as well as the musical level.
Michelle plays the role of group facilitator of the music class and is very supportive and to the students personally as well as musically. She is extremely sensitive to the comments of members and lets the group members express themselves freely even while contributing substantially to music improvisations. She enables us to maintain our focus on time and through her positive musical interventions.
Michele suggests the use of appropriate tools for obtaining a particular sound from an instrument and educates members of the group regarding the different group instruments and all their details such as names and how they are used. Michele shares all her instruments with others and is extremely comfortable accepting instruments from other members of the group. She also has a high degree of comfort while interacting with other group members and has a pleasant smile when engaging members in various techniques like playing to make a particular sound or even while singing.
At the beginning, I was confused about Michele’s role in the group since I had the perception that a facilitator is a person who maintains a distance with students. To my surprise, I found Michele interacting actively with group members and initially this left me confused about the manner in which I should interact with her. Being raised in the Soviet Union, students were not allowed to interact closely with professors or to look at them directly. When I saw Michele being so interactive and sharing he instruments, I was pleasantly surprised and happy.
My personal feelings and reaction to Michele were strong and highly positive and provided me with a sense of security being in her group. I was able to bond with her instantly and her support and diplomacy enabled me to clear my confusion with the structure of logs. Her positive attitude reduced my anxiety due to the language barriers and motivated to me to work hard. Music therapy is the key to group therapy since music has the power to unite and bind individuals. I feel extremely comfortable with music since it enables me to interact with other members and identify myself as a group member.
Zack brings his own personal experience to set an example and this helps me to identify my feelings towards the process. Yi also makes eye contacts as well as Zack and Sara with other members of the group. Members of the group now interact with each other at a better level than when they earlier joined the music therapy program. Musical improvisations create an environment for self expression and self exploration which augments personal development and growth. Zack presented new techniques to improvise using his finger and the created a sound which leads to vocal improvisation, something which I explored with him and was able to do so without any hesitation, like the other members of the group.
Music helps us to become aware of our feelings and the melody of music removes feelings of stress sometimes experienced by other members of the group. The dynamic and rhythmic variations produced my music enables the group to release the tensions which have been built up during the course of the week. With the help of her drum, Sara released her anxiety and stated that she felt better once she did so. I too experienced something similar with the two bells which Zack introduced to the group and felt much better as compared to what I felt at the beginning of the class. Aaron uses the trumpet or Asian flute in his improvisations and these are his two primary instruments, which he plays comfortably. Improvisation requires awareness of each other and acknowledgement and Zack mirrors other group members in his ability to interact successfully with others in the group. He works on building relationships and interpersonal relations with other members of the group through his music which benefits the group in general.
At the beginning of the music session, Aaron had mentioned that he is a deeply introverted person and therefore worked towards building his interpersonal and communication skills during the entire process and this dedication also enabled him to sing with me and Michele during the final music session. Music has helped all group members become more cohesive and balanced in their approach and dealing with one another.
After the initial sessions, music was reflective to our adjustment process in the group and I was experiencing anxiety and insecurity within the group. However, as the sessions progressed, I began to develop the ability to improvisation with sincerity to reflect my true state of mind. The power and potential of music is immense and it has endless possibilities with regard to dynamics patterns, modes, rhythms and qualities and as the class progressed, the group was able to take on each improvisation onto the next higher level, from simple to complex, soft to loud, minor to major and so on.
Music also facilitated an accord between the group members so that they developed positive relations with one another. Music also helped to create a sense of bonding and trust between the members who could now interact with each other with a sense of intimacy and trust, regardless of the gender, nationality or educational background.
Initially, it was extremely difficult for me to express myself, but once the session began, I developed a sense of comfort and trust with other members of the group and this enabled me to finally sing with Aaron and Michele in the final session. I felt as though I had achieved a truly intimate and trusting bond during this process which was no less that a spiritual experience. Each and every member of the group had contributed to me personal development in this process and music had made me create a special bond with myself which provided me the special ability to expand possibilities of deep appreciation, trust and respect towards the therapy group which I was a part of.
The group process was developing at different levels as the sessions progressed from the initial to the final weeks. Music improvisation was a form of our communication with each other and enabled us to capture the complete personal inner character of each member of the group. Music also helped us realize the different styles of interactions and the personal styles of members so that we understood their willingness to interact with one another.
Last week the most intimate moment was achieved by using the vocal improvisation which were free of lyrics but proved to be highly informative for group members, The type and level of engagement which occurred during the session was an out of the world experience for each of us. Michele, Aaron and I were singing while Yi, Sara and Zack were accompanying us. It was indeed a very significant moment for us and made us realize of the sensitivity and attachment which the members had developed towards each other.
I gained my confidence and had become sensitive towards group members and had truly evolved as a person. It was indeed a memorable experience and I felt connected, inspired and welcomed, giving me a sense of accomplishment and content in life.