Describe
There are several styles of listening that enable effective communication, and one of the most important for checking perceptions and expressing support is active listening. If a person expresses frustration over a specific problem, some people feel tempted to provide advice or put a positive spin on the situation by lessening its significance. While this is done with good intentions, it ultimately diminishes the legitimacy of that person’s feelings and thus does not promote meaningful communication and understanding (DeVito, 2016). On the other hand, a practitioner of active listening might respond by reiterating the perceived meaning of the speaker’s words and with an observation of their emotional state. This type of response exemplifies the principle of active listening and fulfills three important functions. Firstly, it reflects back perceived meanings in order to give the original speaker a chance to clarify any misunderstandings (DeVito, 2016). Secondly, it signals that the speaker’s feelings are acknowledged and accepted. Thirdly, it encourages them to elaborate on their thoughts and deal with the problem by talking it through. In general, active listening means accepting that some people’s aim in sharing their problems is not necessarily receiving help or advice but simply venting their frustration.
Relate
My personal experience definitely confirms the principles and functions of active listening described in this chapter. When I talk to my friends or family about my day, my general aim is to share my perceptions and experiences regarding certain events to find commonalities, empathy, or even a bit of humor. I think the foundation of such communication is “this is what it is like to be me—do you understand?” Most of my friends acknowledge and share that viewpoint and do not provide any advice or personal input unless I explicitly ask for it. I think most people understand that sometimes our emotions are “illogical” from a secondary perspective, but that does not make them any less real for the person feeling them. After all, human beings are not machines that can sort and choose their thoughts based on their usefulness. There is a difference between knowing something intellectually and internally.
However, unlike my friends, my parents constantly send “solution messages” when I talk to them about my problems. They either start a moralizing lecture about responsibility or give advice about what they would have done in my place. While I understand that my parents still feel as if I am a child and they must educate me about the world, all this achieves is feelings of resentment and reluctance to share any further details about my life. Instead of promoting meaningful exchange, their behavior causes me to avoid communication with them altogether. I do not share any details of my life with them beyond a superficial summary of my upcoming plans. Whenever I feel an impetus to insert my opinion into another person’s experience, I remember how my parents make me feel and instead opt for active listening.
Evaluate
My chosen clip is Keira Knightley being interviewed by Stephen Colbert on the CBS Late Show. He satisfyingly completes several components of the “Checklist for Active Listening and Reflective Responses.” Firstly, Colbert definitely looks and sounds interested in what Knightley is saying since that constitutes the show’s format. He maintains eye contact for most of the interview, faces his upper body in her direction, nods, and leans toward her while she is speaking. Colbert also adds vocalizations such as “yes,” “hmm,” and “uh-huh” to encourage Knightley to continue. Secondly, he adopts Knightley’s point of view by not interrupting, mirroring her smile, and reflecting her enthusiasm for certain actors with phrases such as “so am I!” (The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, 2018, 2:24). At one point, he repeats her phrase “there you go” and mirrors her pose (The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, 2018, 2:39). Moreover, Colbert responds to her emotional state, reflecting her humorous frustration when venting about her children and quickly returning to relaxed affability once Knightley does.
Then, Colbert reflects on Knightley’s thoughts by restating what he believes she is saying to check accuracy. When she claims that she did not open the letter from the British government for two days, he adds, “it just sat there…” leaving a pause for her to either confirm or correct (The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, 2018, 1:53). When Knightley states that her daughter is a “threenager,” Colbert clarifies, “terrible twos, then threenager?” (The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, 2018, 2:53). He chooses specific, personal points rather than abstract generalizations to reflect back. Furthermore, Colbert responds to Knightley’s conversation rather than leading it by staying within her frame of reference: focusing on her award, children, and admiration for Emma Thompson. In general, his role is to clarify Knightley’s thoughts and feelings to get the fullest content. He avoids inserting his own experiences, asking open-ended questions whenever she pauses to encourage her to continue instead.
Colbert scored high by fulfilling every point in the active listening checklist. I was not surprised by these results because his interviews always seemed to flow very naturally as he let the guest guide the conversation. He does not interrupt or ask abrupt questions according to a predetermined script, allowing the guest to talk and only interjecting with open-ended clarifications if there is a lull. The focus of a late-night show should be on the guest, and Colbert achieves that by exemplifying the principles of active listening, such as reflection, clarification, and showing interest.
References
DeVito, J. A. (2016). The interpersonal communication book (14th ed.). Pearson.
The Late Night Show with Stephen Colbert. (2018). Keira Knightley grew up obsessed with Emma Thomspon movies [Video]. Youtube. Web.