To Be or Not to Be (a Woman)
“We make her paint her face and dance
if she won’t be slave, we say that she doesn’t love us
If she’s real, we say she’s trying to be a man
While putting her down we pretend that she is above us.”
Woman is the Nigger of the World. John Lennon, 1972.
The term “nigger” in the song title mentioned here is American slang for a black person. It is meant as an insult when said by a white person to a black. Ex-Beatle John Lennon’s description of being a woman, then, certainly gives me pause when it comes to imagining myself as a member of the opposite sex. In what has forever been a “man’s world,” what is the downside of being a woman?
More than anything else, I think that being treated as an object rather than a subject would be difficult to bear. It’s the packaging that counts; the make-up, the hair, the nails, the movement of the hips, the high heels. The work, the time, and the money that go into creating the package day after day hardly seem worth it, to me at least.
Bad enough to be an object, but to be a possession, too? Like my car, or my CD player or my television set? When one of these items breaks down or wears out, it’s often easier to just get a new one. It seems to me that men do the same with women. She’s too old? Simply get a younger one, a newer model, if you will. And it’s perfectly okay for a man to look and flirt, but if “his” woman does the same, it must be because she doesn’t really love him. It couldn’t be because she is just human, like him.
To be real – with no make-up, dirty hair, bad breath, foul language (when called for). Decisive, assertive (usually characterized as “aggressive” in women), opinionated, unafraid of challenges, valiant. In a “man’s world,” these are not qualities one normally associates with femininity.On the Other Hand
“You can bend but never break me
’cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
’cause you’ve deepened the conviction in my soul.”
I Am Woman. Helen Reddy, 1972.
Oddly enough, the same year John Lennon was singing about woman as the “nigger of the world,” Australian singer Helen Reddy was extolling the virtues of being female. These lyrics, too, give me pause when imagining myself as a woman. The strength and sheer determination that I read in these lyrics actually make me a bit envious.
Despite being treated as an object, a possession, a “thing,” in a man’s world, Ms. Reddy is undeterred in her struggle to overcome. Such perseverance is not a quality I associate with most of the men I know (or even with myself, for that matter). One cannot help but admire it.
It seems to me that the traditional stereotype of women as being more “in touch with their feelings” may have some truth to it. To be able to tap into the conviction in one’s soul is truly an admirable quality, one that appears to escape most men. Perhaps it is part and parcel of the so-called “woman’s intuition.” If there is such a thing as “men’s intuition,” what men who at least know of it call “gut feeling” (a more masculine way of saying it, I suppose), it is too often blocked by our focus on the external, the superficial. How liberating it would be to be able to cry without shame, for example. But this can only happen, I think if one is able to access deep inner conviction with the unshakeable faith that, ultimately, strength will come of pain and suffering.
I believe both of these songs demonstrate one thing: being a woman seems to be a far more intense human experience than being a man, at least in very broad terms. I am hard-pressed to think of analogous songs about being a man. Maybe this is because the majority of popular songs are, in fact, written by men. Would I have the courage it appears to take to be a woman? I honestly don’t know.
References
Lennon, John. “Woman is the Nigger of the World.” Sometime in New York City. Apple, EMI. 1972.
Reddy, Helen and Burton, Ray. “I Am Woman.” I Am Woman. Capitol Records. 1972.