Introduction
The way people communicate has changed considerably since the inception of the digital era. Despite these advancements, human beings have lost the ability to communicate effectively. One of the primary mistakes we make when talking to other people is the failure to listen. We perceive audible signals successfully but fail at attributing them with meaning. This essay is about Petersen’s book that discusses the reasons behind miscommunication and ways of solving the issues.
Response
Almost all individuals, including me, claim that they listen during a conversation. However, after reading Petersen’s book, one gains much insight into the subtle problems we have during communication. My main strength is the ability to articulate my thoughts and explain complex concepts with ease. The reason is that many courses on effective communication concentrate on teaching how to give well-organized and influential speeches, and how to write competently. I have never attended a class where the trainer emphasizes the significance of listening. However, as Petersen (2015) states, listening is the most critical component of conversation.
After thinking about what Petersen says about pitfalls when speaking to other people, I remember that there have been many times when I neglected the words of my interlocutors. For instance, when I was tired after school, and my mother talked about her day at work, I often only nodded and responded with fake reactions without paying any attention. Petersen (2015) calls such occasions as flat brain theory of emotions. It is when our negative feelings serve as an obstacle on the way to efficient communication. When our mind is filled with thoughts that we are not able to calm down, our listening skills deteriorate significantly (Petersen, 2015). I have successfully used my unfavorable emotions as a motive for the neglect of words other people say to me. However, after learning about Petersen’s theory, I realize that it has been a significant communication trap.
Because I have learned how to speak but not to listen, I always take an active role during conversations. For the most part of discussions, I am the one who is speaking. However, I now understand that interlocutors should take turns because it is not possible to listen for prolonged periods of time. Individuals may lose interest or become tired of not being able to share their thoughts because of an active speaker that does not give any opportunities for others to talk. I have to get rid of this habit and learn to appreciate the opinions and efforts of surrounding people. Petersen (2015) suggests that by listening, we also enhance our own emotional state. This idea seems enlightening to me, and I have to try it in real-life conversations. In situations when I do not listen because of the flat brain, Petersen’s principles may serve as a solution. Listening and understanding your interlocutors is critical and frequently much more important than speaking.
Critique
Important Contributions
Petersen’s book can be conceptually divided into three distinct parts. The first part discusses the flat brain theory of emotions, which was mentioned previously. This proposal is among the most significant contributions of this book to understanding what effective communication means. It also provides a different view of how negative emotional states can be managed. I have always thought that frustration should be addressed by limiting contact with other people. Up to this day, I had avoided conversations when I was not feeling well or when I was thinking of other problems. However, Peterson’s theory played an important role in shaping my beliefs. It may have a similar impact on other people as well.
The second part of the book is about Talker Listener Cards (TLC). Petersen (2015) suggests that taking turns when having a conversation improves the quality of communication considerably. This simple technique, as stated by the author, helps both parties to focus on the talker’s point of view (Petersen, 2015). When one person takes the role of a talker, others need to dedicate themselves to listening carefully (Petersen, 2015). Because of the simplicity of the idea and the fact that TLCs can be made by any person, the range of populations that may be impacted is broad. Therefore, the notion of TLCs is a useful and practical contribution.
Petersen (2015) also provides readers with comprehensive listening techniques. Some of the most notable are acknowledgment, para-feeling, para-thought, and playing detective. Acknowledgment means accepting the talker’s feelings and opinions. For instance, when a talker says, “It is difficult,” a listener may recognize that by replying, “Hm, you say it is difficult?” Peterson (2015) states that such a move may help avoid unnecessary disputes. Para-feeling is using words to describe the speaker’s feelings; in other words, it is showing empathy. Para-thought is summarizing the thoughts of a talker; it shows that the listener has been paying attention. A listener may also be interactive, for instance, by asking questions and connecting what the talker said to other events; this technique is called playing detective. In summary, Petersen’s book contributes significantly to the notion of effective communication.
Comparison with other Theories
Petersen’s book is not the only work in the field of communication, although it offers a unique perspective. John Stewart (2011) has made critical contributions to communication theory through his book Bridges Not Walls. The difference between Petersen’s work and Stewart’s collection of essays is that the latter provides an overall perspective of what a productive conversation is comprised of. However, there are similarities – while Petersen (2015) suggests the technique of playing detective, Stewart (2011) discusses a dialogic approach to listening. In essence, both of these methods are similar because they emphasize the importance of interaction during listening. Petersen, however, provides a more comprehensive description of the technique with practical examples, while Stewart only provides a theoretical outlook.
France and Weikel (2020) also emphasize the importance of listening. They claim that in order to help clients, it is essential to understand their needs (France & Weikel, 2020). This understanding cannot be attained without adequate listening skills (France & Weikel, 2020). There is a significant difference between the concepts explored by France and Weikel (2020) and Petersen (2015), however. Techniques suggested by France and Weikel (2020) are relevant for social workers, whereas Petersen’s techniques can be applied by any person.
The ideas that comprise the flat brain theory of Petersen can also be found in Stewart’s and France and Weikel’s works. Petersen (2015) states that by understanding what emotions are posing a hindrance to listening, one may manage those negative feelings. This idea is similar to Stewart’s concept of self-awareness. The author states that by becoming more aware of our emotions and the reasons behind them, we are able to become more aware of others (Steward, 2011). The difference between these concepts is that Petersen (2015) believes that careful listening is the remedy, whereas Stewart (2011), and France and Weikel (2020) claim that an individual should become self-aware prior to starting to listen. Failure to do so may result in poor communication and the inability to meet clients’ objectives (France & Weikel, 2020). The third idea of Petersen (2015) that can be compared is the usage of TLCs. France and Weikel (2015) suggest interrogation as an effective way of establishing the roles of a listener and a speaker. The disadvantage of this technique is the unawareness of clients – they may interrupt when the social worker is speaking.
Application
After obtaining information about various techniques of improving interpersonal communication, I should identify the areas in which I should apply the new skills. In personal interaction with my family members at home, the concept of the flat brain is relevant. Instead of avoiding conversations when I am upset, I am planning to engage in listening. Such a strategy will allow me to reduce the pressure my thoughts have on my emotional state and instead explore how my family members are doing. Having regular conversations in the evenings is a way to practice listening. Not only will it improve my emotional state, but it will also strengthen my relationship with the family.
Usage of TLCs at home settings seems like an odd idea. However, the general concept behind TLCs can be applied in a different form. I want to discuss the issue of interruption and ignorance with the family members. It is possible that we establish a rule according to which, when one of us speaks, others commit to listening and understanding. It is similar to the application of TLCs – when one member talks, others are granted a conceptual card of a listener. This technique may decrease the number of disputes we have with each other.
In professional communications, I may not use the flat brain theory unless my responsibilities demand that I continuously engage in solving the problems of others. However, I will actively listen when it is physically possible. I am planning to engage in conversations only if my physical and emotional condition allows me to listen adequately. Otherwise, I will attempt to explain why it is not possible to hold a conversation. This approach is more favorable than pretending to be listening. Acting as if I am paying attention is disrespectful to others and their time.
As mentioned, TLCs may not be appropriate for personal communications, but they are a feasible option for formal conversations. During office meetings, for instance, it is possible to enforce the usage of TLCs. Such a decision may be made at a higher management level. When having a group meeting, for instance, only a person with the talker’s card should speak. Others are given listener’s cards that remind them of their goals. A listener’s objectives include providing safety, understanding, and clarifying without making any notes that may disrupt the talker (Petersen, 2015). This technique will increase the efficacy of meetings and negotiations at work.
Conclusion
Listening is a critical skill to have at one’s disposal. While many believe that articulate self-expression is the main component of effective communication, Petersen claims that listening, which is often overlooked, is much more critical. The reason is that failure to listen may lead to disagreements and disputes. Petersen suggests the usage of Talker Listener Cards and other listening techniques in order to improve interpersonal communication.
References
France, K., & Weikel, K. (2020). Helping skills for human service workers: Building relationships and encouraging productive change (4th ed.). Charles C Thomas Publisher.
Petersen, J. (2015). Why don’t we listen better? Communicating & connecting in relationships (2nd ed.). Petersen Publications.
Stewart, J. (2011). Bridges not walls: A book about interpersonal communication (11th ed.). McGraw-Hill.