Crucial conversations appear inseparable from advancement either in one’s career path or organizational development. It often occurs that some issues are not being discussed, or there is an important decision to be made, and the parties involved get nervous and do not know how to address the problem. Undoubtedly, facilitating a conversation between parties is essential to make things take off the ground. However, to accomplish valuable results in such a discussion, it is important to be well-prepared and plan such communication in advance. The book Crucial Conversations provides a compelling strategy for conducting complex communications, explaining the specifics of a crucial discussion, and giving recommendations for stages before, during, and after such a conversation.
A crucial conversation is characterized by three aspects, including high stakes, the difference in opinions, and the presence of strong emotions. High stakes may arise when one has to address low performance or decreased engagement of their colleagues, or when conquering disrespect appearing within the collective. Such topics may affect the relationships in a team and create a negative attitude towards one raising the issue. Similarly, speaking up about flaws in the work of others raises stakes because one’s opinions could be criticized as people tend to protect their input. Accordingly, the opinions of the parties involved in crucial conversations differ. Each of the parties has their view on a situation and unlikely aspires to change their mind. Furthermore, it contributes to the emotional charge in the given circumstances because people engaged in the discussion initially disagree and have a natural urge to protect their position and opinion.
As a result, the crucial conversation can be recognized by the signs people display during such a discussion. In particular, people will show physical signs of stress, including body tension, increased sweating, or dry throat. Their speech can become more emotional than usual, and they may give fearful or angry emotional responses. In addition, such behavioral signs as changes in voice tone (becoming quiet or raising voice), avoiding to respond, or even leaving the conversation tell that a person experiences stress in this challenging communication.
Nonetheless, there are efficient ways to proceed with crucial conversations, and the first step is to prepare before engaging in such communication. Foremost, it might be beneficial to understand one’s stress reaction style because it will help conquer unhelpful behaviors during communication and prevent one from emotional reactivity. Furthermore, the Crucial Conversations guide suggests three steps to prepare oneself, such as getting unstuck, starting with one’s heart, and developing one’s stories. Getting unstuck means indicating one’s challenging points from a personal or a professional level and understanding what issues and with whom one needs to address to get unstuck. Hence, appealing to one’s heart means answering questions about one’s desires for oneself, another person, their relationship, and the whole organization. Finally, reflecting on one’s story helps to understand the position from which one addresses the issue. In most cases, one would speak from the position of a victim, a villain, or a helpless person. Each of these roles anticipates different strategies to achieve the desired outcome, so one can benefit from looking at the situation from various angles. Therefore, a person sees diverse ways to handle communication and feels more confident before initiating it.
Furthermore, the crucial conversation requires following such steps as sharing one’s facts, telling one’s story, and asking for the path of another party. The one who initiates a crucial communication needs to present the facts reflecting the issue or challenge they aspire to address. It is critical to share one’s story, which means giving a sense of personal perception of the situation, relationships, and the discussed issue. One should remember that people’s views on the same situation usually differ because one’s perception depends on individual experience, knowledge, and attitudes. Therefore, it is essential to ask for the other party’s path, giving them a chance to share their point of view and their feelings in relation to the circumstances. As a result, one can receive important input information that helps to drive a conversation in a productive way and help maintain respect and understanding.
In each of these steps, it is critical to follow the principle of safety as a key to successful communication. Under challenging discussions, people tend to display protection strategies, which could translate into various forms of silence or verbal violence. Preventing silent or violent behaviors and timely addressing them is a critical part of the discussion. One’s tentative and attentive manner can help to ensure safety in the conversation and thus create room for an honest and open exchange of ideas. Unfortunately, moments of silence and violence usually occur in crucial conversations, so one should be ready to address them appropriately. The guide recommends attentively looking at people’s reactions and responses and ensuring mutual understanding. For instance, when one shares their view on what another person thinks, it could be helpful to use contrast techniques using “I don’t think/mean,” showing where that person could be wrong in their perception. Moreover, it is essential to create mutual purpose, recognizing the interests of all parties and working together on a solution that would align with those interests. In such a way, people would avoid standing against each other and, more likely, engage in collective action.
Finally, it is critical to finish a crucial conversation in an efficient way. At the end of such a communication, one must ensure that parties discuss particular actions. The one who initiates a conversation should check with their initial desires and evaluate the likely outcome. It is important to emphasize the action plan that would help all the parties contribute to the solution or address the discussed issue. Answering the questions, focusing on “Who” needs to do “What” and “When” appears as a helpful technique to confirm the action plan and establish proper division of responsibilities. In addition, it is helpful to create a follow-up in the form of an email or a different message available to all involved parties.
Overall, it is critical to understand the nature of crucial conversations and develop efficient strategies to approach them, starting with the proper preparation and ending with an informative follow-up. Applying Critical Conversations recommendations is helpful to increase one’s confidence and persuasion and build compelling statements. Notably, the discussed techniques are helpful when resolving disagreements on an individual or group level. By ensuring safety, it is easier to reduce resistance within a group and contribute to creating an accepting environment instead. As a result, intelligently built crucial conversations contribute to enhanced decision-making and teamwork and provide the desired results for individuals and groups.