Introduction
Throughout their lives, people experience many different events that may have different emotional coloring. There are good and bad events, and people tend to react differently to them. Many positive emotions make a person happy, and the accumulation of negative emotions can lead to a loss of control. The desire to maintain control is one of the main aspects that distinguish a person from an animal (Gillebaart 3). Some events leave behind a long trail of grief and suffering that makes one think about life and, in some cases, may prompt changes. In my life, such a series of events left a significant imprint on my future outlook and led to the fact that, at some point, I lost control. Although I gave up control, the events that occurred prompted me to reflect and accept each of the three cases that happened to me.
Events Displaying Control, the Giving Up, and Loss Acceptance
The first event that became the basis of my loss of control was that I wanted to understand religion to learn more about faith. I often asked Father Harrison questions, who usually answered willingly and helped me in my quest for religious awareness. Later I discovered that even deeply religious people are capable of terrible things, which significantly shaped my desire to know more about religion and faith. I learned that Harrison’s father is a pedophile and a horrible person. He raped young children and bribed them with money. Undoubtedly, if such an example is given by people who serve in temples and live a religious life, then to others who may be skeptical of faith but strive to know it, everything will become disgusting and undesirable.
Some people can lead others into faith and religion, making them believe that there is a god and holiness. I am annoyed that such people neglect everything humanly and commit terrible deeds that lead to the denial that there is something pure and immaculate in this world. My nihilistic opinion was strengthened a few years after the following event occurred. I was walking my beloved dog when a woman appeared with a large pit bull. Her dog attacked mine and nothing was possible no matter how we tried to pull them apart. I lost control because my dog spent ten agonizing hours in misery and then died. I refused to accept the situation because that woman could not cope with her dog and did not take care in advance of how to prevent possible incidents with other dogs. In the end, this woman’s dog is alive and will probably continue to maim other animals, and my dog has died and cannot be saved.
These events led to the fact that I began depression dictated by denial and rejection. I developed apathy, which was expressed by a bad mood and a desire to argue and quarrel with loved ones. I needed support and sincerely believed that my girlfriend would understand. She did not try to understand me, talked about herself, and was only interested in her affairs and concerns. The help and empathy of loved ones are necessary in the case of deep human suffering (Gillebaart 5). One day I got angry at her, which later led to a breakup, and my behavior could be called cynical. She had a problem, but in retaliation, I did not support her and cheerfully told her about my successes, and when she began to find out what was wrong, I explained to her that I also lacked her support and help. Parting was hard for me, and I began to deny the existence of warm, tender feelings and love.
I want every situation to be corrected so I can accept them and understand that there is justice. The circumstance with Father Harrison could have been revealed if he had been caught and punished for everything he had done. I want to avenge my dog, for example, if I set another large dog on that pit bull or if his owner incurred enormous financial costs that could at least partially compensate for the loss of a pet. The situation with the ex-girlfriend could also have been solved if I had just talked to her and explained what kind of help I needed from her.
I wish depression and rejection to go away because they force me to give up everything that can bring joy and happiness. Having lost my beloved pet, I realized I could not get a new one since I would be afraid for their lives. Parting with a girl showed me what close people can be and that, often, we have to cope with our suffering and apathy alone. I will remain a nihilist and a person who now does not seek to know faith and religion because I know which people preach it.
Conclusion
In conclusion, all the situations that caused my rejection gave rise to cynicism in me. I stopped believing in the well-being attitude of religious organizations toward people reaching out to them, in love and empathy between people and in the fact that everything is always going well with my beloved pet. I want all these situations to find their end and be transformed by justice. In addition, I would like to believe in the lost feelings and values again and exclude cynicism.
Work Cited
Gillebaart, Marleen. “The ‘Operational’ Definition of Self-Control.” Frontiers in Psychology, vol. 9, no. 1231, 2018, pp.1-5.