Introduction
“I hate you because you’re taking over me,” cried Samantha White in her intentions to describe her true attitude towards anorexia. In the next line, she introduced another opinion and confessed that she loves it “cause you’re making me the girl I want to be” (Smith). The rest of the poem confused and inspired me as a reader because Smith, as well as millions of people around the globe, proved the impossibility to have one particular definition of anorexia in modern life.
The problem of uncontrolled weight bothers many women and men, regardless of their age or ethnicity. In situations like “my reflection has become something I fear”, it is hard for a person to find support or immediate help, and it is time when anorexia, a serious eating disorder, “have become my only true friend” (Smith). Despite media attempts to beautify anorexia under the guise of beauty, it remains a dangerous condition that changes human health, family relationships, and the quality of life. The research question is to understand the role of a family in the life of a person with anorexia.
Main body
There are many reasons for people to let anorexia be present in their lives. Personally, I cannot understand those who continue supporting this disease as something that should be justified and “impelled by some unpoetic cacophony of motivations” (Waldman). However, after reading the primary source by Katy Waldman, “There Once Was a Girl”, I realized that human freedoms and desires have nothing in common with their decision to be anorexic.
Trying to depict her emotions and feelings about her family, Waldman, as well as White, was challenged by doubts and ambiguity. She could not get rid of the thought that “I was a miserable anorexic” but “convinced that the disease was deeply wrong for me yet unable to shake its influence” (Waldman). In this story, the author combined positive and negative aspects of anorexia, which resulted in a number of oxymorons just like the title of the essay with its “disease beautified”.
It usually happens that people cannot control their weight changes and have to live with anorexia perforce. Still, in media, many examples of women who practice with their bodies, including fattening, starving, or burning, are observed as a beauty quest or stress relief (Polinska 569). A similar situation was observed with Waldman’s sister, who developed anorexia. The girl did not want to be embellished, and the family considered her accomplished and beautiful (Waldman).
She could not resist the impact of perfectionism, genes, and such qualities as vigilance or competitiveness (Waldman). Anorexia made her obsessed with control, criticism, and the desire to take risks just like the same disease made White “counting calories and fearing how much I weight”. Is it a part of modern fashion to be anorexic? Polinska compared the intentions of women to change their bodies through centuries and revealed the truth that “there are no bodily rewards without risk, pain, and suffering” (570). The media is able to distort the truth and convince society that is fashionable to be anorexic, challenge bodies with eating disorders, and meet some standards even if they destroy the body and mind.
In addition to a number of personal issues and decisions based on media stories and experiences, the danger of anorexia lies in its connection with family relationships. The problem is that the Waldman’s, except the author, believed that the anorexic behavior of one of the sisters is normal and required neither critique nor healthcare interference. According to Warin, “the desire to belong to a collective – be it family, community, or place – is a universal motivation” (71).
Unfortunately, this universal law worked against a healthy sister who became motivated by the desire to be close to her twin (Waldam). Instead of support and understanding from her parents, she felt lonely and betrayed, and anorexia was the major cause of such relationships. At the same time, it was a period when anorexia got enough rights to “befriend” a person and be “here for a while” (White). It is wrong to reject the fact that in childhood, there is always some conflict between a child’s “sense of creative identity and that imposed upon her by her family” (Warin 75). Imposed responsibilities and expectations prevent a person from considering personal needs and demands.
Along with social standards and behavioral norms, the role of a family in anorexia control is frequently discussed. As a rule, family members are not able to understand the true nature of anorexia that is developed in others or the cost these people pay to reduce their weight (Warin 84). In some cases, parents even ignore the problem and find themselves somewhere between denial and acceptance (Waldman).
Such uncertainty or inability to decide and recognize children’s needs results in a failure to protect the child’s health. There are many clinics and medical centers where anorexia is considered a problem with psychosocial and physiological aspects and has enough approaches to be treated (Warin 78). In her discussion, Polinska mentioned that self-starvation is one of the forms to express stress or soliciting others, which denotes illness (575). When parents neglect such evident problems, they invite anorexia complications to their homes that.
As soon as an eating disorder is defined as normal behavior in one family member, similar attitudes may be developed in others even if they oppose this condition. Katy Waldman was an ordinary and healthy child until her parents accepted the anorexic habits of her sister as “normal-ish”, which promoted the development of anorexia in both children. Under the “anorexic impulse to lyricize one’s illness”, people get confused with “the messy truth about who we are” (Waldman).
Instead of being a source of correct and healthy decisions, a family becomes a place where new doubts and questions occur. Being beautified, anorexia removes every significant person from the life of that male or female with whom “it” wants to befriend. Therefore, a family should make a final decision either to fight for a healthy lifestyle and rationality or to ignore a problem and accept everything as it is.
Conclusion
In general, the debates around the topic of anorexia do not have an end or some common conclusion. People are still free to develop their own attitudes towards this condition: either it is beautified through media in modern society, or it terrifies as one of the common eating disorders. There are many poems, stories, and opinions that can be used to develop a proper understanding of anorexia. However, the existing variety of approaches and examples of how it changes family life may confuse. Vulnerable people are not ready for anorexia deceit and falseness. Families cannot protect each other in a proper and helpful way and face challenges and uncertainties.
Therefore, it is normal for a person to hate and love anorexia, to consider it as salvation from excessive weight, or to accept it as a true and dangerous warden of a human soul. The role of a family is not only to support but to realize that anorexia has many faces, and each of them is a threat.
Works Cited
Polinska, Wioleta. “Bodies under Siege: Eating Disorders and Self-Mutilation among Women.” Journal of the American Academy of Religion, vol. 68, no. 3, 2000, pp. 569-589.
Waldman, Katy. “There Once Was a Girl.” Slate. 2015. Web.
Warin, Megan. Abject Relations. Rutgers University Press, 2010.
White, Samantha. “Ana (Anorexia).” PoemHunteri. 2005. Web.