Introduction
“Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” is often associated with the divine scriptures and the primary representation of the chaos in people’s lives. However, another interpretation of this concept is revealed in such human traits as criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. This vision is closely related to the relationships between individuals, and knowing how they can affect them is of particular value for maintaining the connection between people.
Definition and Interpretation
First, it is necessary to understand the “four horsemen of the apocalypse.” This interpretation of the biblical term belongs to Dr. John Gottman (The Gottman Institute). He singled out criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling as the most pernicious characteristics of individuals’ behavior.
They negatively affect the relationship because criticism attacks the message’s recipient; contempt is a manifestation of superiority. Further, defensiveness is “protectiveness through righteous indignation,” stonewalling manifests itself in ignoring the situation and avoiding finding a way out of it (The Gottman Institute). The “four horsemen of the apocalypse” can have various manifestations in people’s behavior and affect social life to varying degrees.
Influence of the “Four Horsemen” on Personal Relationships
After a more detailed study of “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,” I can say they are present in my behavior. I began to notice more often that I resort to stonewalling when a stressful situation gets out of my control. In other words, I use ignoring to deal with complex events. Perhaps, in this way, I assume that the situation will resolve itself, but this only worsens the relationship since, in this way, disrespect for the other person is manifested.
Moreover, I often use sarcasm when communicating with close people, which is typical for contempt. On the one hand, with the help of this approach, I mask my honest opinion because I am afraid of offending a person with it. However, on the other hand, it is still a manifestation of disrespect for the partner, and it is better to tell the truth. It is worth noting that in my personal experience, I have faced frequent criticism from a close friend who constantly hurt me, but I did not talk about my feelings. This led to the fact that over time, our relationship seriously deteriorated, quarrels arose, and from time to time, we stopped our communication.
A “Vision” for a New Paradigm for Conflict Resolution
To limit the possible negative impact of criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling on relationships, it is necessary to use several approaches. Hence, when dealing with criticism, it is essential to express an opinion using “I” statements and a positive tone (The Gottman Institute). Another paradigm for conflict resolution regarding stonewalling is to allow oneself to take a break, think about everything for a short time, and return to finding a solution. In case of a collision with contempt, the value has a respectful attitude and appreciation. Defensiveness can be limited by realizing one’s wrongness and taking responsibility for these aspects.
Conclusion
To sum up what was mentioned earlier, it is important to note that relationships are a complex process that both partners must work on. The emergence of such negative concepts as criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling can be decisive for their cessation and deterioration. Therefore, it is vital for individuals to realize the existence of these patterns and resort to using tactics to change this behavior.
Reference
The Gottman Institute. (2014). Four horsemen of the apocalypse [Video]. YouTube. Web.