“How to Talk to Girls at Parties” by Neil Gaiman Essay (Review)

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The crisis of moral and psychological maturation is commonly attributed to teenagers, and because everyone faces this problem at a certain age, several reputable authors addressed it in their literary works. The short story entitled “How To Talk to Girls at Parties” by Neil Gaiman is essentially a narrative about a fulfilling exploration of the other gender which leads to maturation. The present paper shows that the theme of coming of age is developed in the short story through the parallelization of girls to aliens and through the growth of the main characters’ understanding that the reduction of cross-gender relationships to physical contact is superficial.

At the beginning of the short story, Enn and Vic, the two main characters, are shown as ordinary adolescents, seeking interesting entertainment at a party where they will meet several girls. Because the main character also acts as a narrator, it is possible to receive an accurate first-person account of what the boys believe are relationships with the opposite gender. Enn confesses he is extremely shy in conversations with girls but has already kissed his sister’s friends without even talking to them. The second boy, Vic, believes that talking to females is merely a path of gaining the girl’s compliance to become physically closer, i.e. to hug or kiss: “Vic seemed to have had many girlfriends […]” ( Gaiman, par.3). Vic also convinces the narrator that girls are not the creatures from the other planets, but at Stella’s home Enn realizes that cross-gender relationships are much more complex. Wain’s Wain, the girl from the other galaxy, reveals that she was chosen by her progenitor to travel only because of her imperfectness, associated with the presence of the sixth finger on her left hand. She seems extremely restrained, partly because of her perceived inferiority.

When introducing herself, Wain’s Wain clearly points out that she is worse than her compatriots and further refuses to dance and drink anything except for water. This character is an example of a person with deformity or disability who believes their physical otherness to be significant barrier to communication. The second girl appears to be more garrulous and animated, and probably being a newcomer on this planet, she shares her impressions about her senses in the human body. In this passage, the first-person point of view allows understanding that Enn does not listen to her carefully, nor he does reflect upon her words, and his only intent is embracing the girl. He fails to get closer because Vic suddenly calls him and recommends that Enn not merely initiate talks, but also listen to what his interlocutors say. Symbolically, this interruption might point to the wrongness of the protagonist’s communicational strategy, as the talk should be a symmetric process. After encountering Triolet, Enn actually comprehends the value of the consistent talk, which consists in identifying what the man and the woman can have in common. Triolet’s verse obviously unites the two young people , as Enn realizes poetry is similar in all languages and has an insight of spiritual connection to Triolet’s people, its fantasies and beliefs.

The final moment of truth comes when Vic and Enn have to quickly leave the party, as the former has committed a transgression, getting to close to Stella and abandoning her out of the fear of responsibility: “I think there is a thing. When you’ve gone as far as you dare. And if you go any further, you wouldn’t be you anymore?” (Gaiman, par. 108). Enn confesses he will never forget Stella staring at them angrily as they are escaping, as well as Vic’s sobbing, which, when considered in combination, suggest that playing with others’ fates should be avoided and individuals are responsible for those whose lives they enter. Therefore, the edifying party ends with a moral lesson which both characters finally learn: interpersonal relationships between a boy and a girl are composed not merely of shallow talks and kisses, but also of well-formed positions and attitudes towards one another as well as understanding, reciprocal care and support. The three girls Enn faces are different and have distinct philosophies of life and concerns, so the main character also learns there is no uniform pattern of approaching girls and “keep talking to them” model is not workable. The characters’ realization of the two values, responsibility in relationships and uniqueness of each personality, can be viewed as a worthy aspect of their moral maturation, or coming of age.

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IvyPanda. (2021, November 9). “How to Talk to Girls at Parties” by Neil Gaiman. https://ivypanda.com/essays/how-to-talk-to-girls-at-parties-by-neil-gaiman-review/

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"“How to Talk to Girls at Parties” by Neil Gaiman." IvyPanda, 9 Nov. 2021, ivypanda.com/essays/how-to-talk-to-girls-at-parties-by-neil-gaiman-review/.

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IvyPanda. (2021) '“How to Talk to Girls at Parties” by Neil Gaiman'. 9 November.

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IvyPanda. 2021. "“How to Talk to Girls at Parties” by Neil Gaiman." November 9, 2021. https://ivypanda.com/essays/how-to-talk-to-girls-at-parties-by-neil-gaiman-review/.

1. IvyPanda. "“How to Talk to Girls at Parties” by Neil Gaiman." November 9, 2021. https://ivypanda.com/essays/how-to-talk-to-girls-at-parties-by-neil-gaiman-review/.


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IvyPanda. "“How to Talk to Girls at Parties” by Neil Gaiman." November 9, 2021. https://ivypanda.com/essays/how-to-talk-to-girls-at-parties-by-neil-gaiman-review/.

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