Life is a series of events and circumstances and each note worthy situation primes the memory and power to reason while preparing for the future events in life. As a child, I never had the privileged of growing up with much love and care. Being born to a couple, who never quite matched in terms of wavelength and understanding, I had to soon part with the security of a complete family, and was left only with my mother to look after me, as my parents parted ways. The psychological impact that this separation had on me, was, needless to say, immense. However my life continued, while my mother was busy with two jobs and little time for me. I graduated and to my good luck, soon landed myself a good job.
Life took a rosy turn, when I met my to-be life partner. After a few years of courtship, we married and settled in our world of love and happiness. Very soon we were blessed with a baby girl, whom we christened ‘Angel’. Angel was the source of all our happiness in our lives and we showered all our love upon her. Angel refreshed memories of my own childhood, and I began to re-live my early years of life in her. While some of the memories were very faint, others which represented the better years of my childhood were refreshed with the entry of angel in my life. In her I began to realize all the unfulfilled dreams of having a secure childhood and tried my level best to give her all the happiness I could. Together, my spouse and I created a world of love and care between the three of us.
But things were not to remain the same. The pressures of work and the high cost of living soon became the reason for neglect and ignorance towards my family on my part. I took up another job and the pressure of two jobs began to show signs. Fatigue and work pressures got the better of me and I could no more give the same attention to my family as I did previously. Angel was growing into a lovely healthy child and advanced to school and was a reasonably good student.
The stress and work pressures soon took a toll on my family life which slowly and steadily was showing signs of weakness and crumbling. My partner also began to show signs of impatience as the loneliness began to effect. The distance between the two of us began to grow as also the heated arguments. The debates began to surface more frequently and the interval between the patch ups began to increase. My natural reflex of retorting back was a response to the stimulus of my spouse’s behavior. Reinforcement of the undesired behavior occurred by way of continual practice and the both of us had become experts at hurting each other in the worst possible ways. Things at the family front soon began to fall apart and in the fits of anger and disputes resulted in terrible fights.
At the back of all this was Angel, a silent but alert spectator, bearing the silent brunt of our incompatibility and lack of compromise. During one such argument, when my temper had reached the summit and I had lost all control over my thought and speech, I saw angel in the corner of the room, tears rolling down her eyes and an inexplicable expression of anxiety in her eyes. The sight of my baby sent shivers down my spine and I stood there motionless like a rock, empty, void. I stood there watching my helpless Angel, while flashbacks of my childhood rushed to my mind. I visualized myself standing in a corner with extreme fear and pain, reliving the dark memories of my parents’ terrible fights making me immediately aware of the feelings which Angel must have been going through at that time. The child was motionless, anxious and trembling with fear. My own memories of similar situations now plagued my mind. I could easily identify the negative effects of the fights on Angel’s psyche. All my previous memories rushed back and flooded my mind bringing back all emotions of fright, anxiety, uncertainty and doubt, I had undergone all those years of childhood.
The memory of similar traumatizing experiences in earlier days enabled me to perceive the effect of our discrepancies on our child. Reason took the better of me and at that very moment, I took a strong decision. My spouse was witness to all this too and we both realized the effect of our problems on our child. Children are tender and need love and care to grow. A secure environment benefits a child like no money or material beliefs can. Who could better understand this aspect of life than me, who had witnessed a severely traumatic childhood?
Reason took the better of us and we silently took an oath never to fight again, if not for anything else, for the sake of our little Angel and I decided that we would never argue or fight. We would remain silent for the power of silence is immense, and in this case was necessary so that Angel would grow in an atmosphere, conducive to her growth.
The power to reason slowly began to make way in our lives. Reasoning is an effective tool which human possess but fail to use in demanding situations. The previous experiences of my life helped me to rationalize the causes of the disagreements. I reasoned that, at the workplace we bear all the stress and problems caused due to disagreements or peer pressure, yet when it comes to our most valuable resources in life, some of which are the essence of our lives, we tend to be irrational and uncompromising.
A new radically altered approach in my life enabled me to see things from a different perspective, one which was more subtle, clam and tolerant, and comprehensive of the effects of my actions and behaviors on my little daughter. The previous memory of the pain, anguish and suffering of witnessing my parents’ fights had left an indelible mark on my memory. I used this memory and coupled it with the power to reason, and I could immediately realize the impact of the debates and arguments upon my daughter’s well being. In spite of having gone through a rough childhood, I had been rather unreasonable in realizing the psychological needs of my little daughter. However, when reason got the better of me, I immediately took control of the situation and made the necessary amends. With a little effort, I was able to bring back peace and harmony to my life as before.
Life in itself is a great teacher, and all the experiences of life are harbored in the mind in the form of memories, some of which lie deep inside. These memories must be used effectively and efficiently to learn from, and to create better and enhanced behaviors which would be beneficial to us and all those around us. The conscious effort which I made for improving the relationship between me and my spouse had a positive impact on my child. Naturally, the roles of multiple intelligences like logic were the tools which enabled me to achieve my goals of a positive outlook in life. Linguistically too, an alteration in my language from being offensive to being more sensitive, changed my relationship with my spouse. Consideration and compassion for other viewpoint played an important role in harmonizing the situations which otherwise would get out of hand.
The observation of my child’s perplexed behavior had rekindled my memories of my unpleasant childhood and motivated me to bring about the much needed change in life and create a productive environment so that I would use logic and reason to ascertain a peaceful and enhanced life for my little Angel.