Boy Code
Even though modern people live in a democratic society with several options to support their rights, there is still some prejudice that is hard to control. One such case can be observed in classrooms when parents and teachers expect masculine disciplines to help boys to develop and grow. Observing the relationships between parents and children, many mothers and fathers use phrases like “Boys should never cry”, “You behave like a girl”, or “You are not a girl”.
Many boys suffer from the division of disciplines into masculine and feminine because they do not have a choice of what a person they want to become. There is a strong imposition to follow a symbolic boy code described by William Pollack (as cited in Kastner) according to which boys have to be “stoic and independent, macho and athletic, powerful and dominant, and phobic of anything close to the feminine”. Gender inequalities are fast developed with unpredictable outcomes.
Mental Health
There is an impressive pressure to be a strong person, and compared to girls who are taught to be pretty, nice, and never aggressive, boys have to develop specific masculine traits. The idea of “toxic masculinity” is characterized by violence, status, and aggression that have a negative outcome on boys’ attitudes towards the world and themselves (Crosson Gilpin and Proulx). Boys do not have a chance to identify their feelings.
In many cases, they have to hide their true intentions and contribute to the development of “depression, conduct disorders, isolation, problematic relationships, and even violence” (Kastner). As a rule, young men cannot address for professional help at this age because any deprivation of the plan to be a man is considered to be a personal mistake that changes public opinion and the whole life. They continue fostering depression and new mental health problems that may result in deviant and emotionless behavior, the lack of control, and high expectations.
Personal Traumas
The presence of masculine disciplines in boys’ life promotes the creation of new standards and the necessity to develop relationships in a specific way. There is a model of dominance and control according to which masculinity is appreciated and respected, and if boys and young men are not able to stay invulnerable, they are ashamed (Kastner). Within a short period under the pressure of social media and regulations, the feeling of shame turns into the feeling the hate and resentfulness. Instead of protecting and controlling human relationships, toxic masculinity becomes a serious threat to society as it is not just a men’s issue.
Masculine disciplines have consequences for girls and women as well with a possibility to “perpetuate a culture of toxic masculinity or disrupt it” (Crosson Gilpin and Proulx). Rules and training should not be emotionless and strict, and students have to focus on their feelings and true attitudes in order not to become the next source of danger.
Solutions
Masculine disciplines cannot be removed from the modern system of education. At the same time, this type of training should not provoke misunderstandings, deprivation of feelings, and a lack of communication. To solve masculine-related problems, Kastner recommends “busting out of those gendered straightjacket” and support boys from time to time. The point is that even if a boy receives a portion of mercy and kindness from parents and teachers, he will hardly be broken or changed. It will become a chance to enhance his self-acceptance and to discover new qualities. Masculine discipline should not change or challenge boys but support and promote the development of their skills and relationships with the outside world.
Works Cited
Crosson Gilpin, Caroline, and Natalie Proulx. “Boys to Men: Teaching and Learning About Masculinity in an Age of Change.” The New York Times. 2018. Web.
Kastner, Laura. “How Boys Suffer: The Boy Code and Toxic Masculinity.” Parent Map. 2018. Web.