Introduction
Sibling rivalry becomes the context of many Arabian families due to several key reasons. They include generation gap between sisters and brothers in addition to serial marriages and many other cultural aspects. It all leads to the fact that elder relatives can fail to understand the radicalism of the younger generations that are eager to cope with limitations established during their youth. The gender question also arises when it comes to mediating between siblings in Saudi Arabia.
Both males and females are supposed to be responsible for their every action as soon as they grow mature. On the other hand, Arabian women may require men as guardians in accordance with Saudi Arabian national legislations in case they divorce or become widowed. All these components affect the way, how a mediator should act between siblings considering things to do and not to do while choosing the efficient way to handle with the siblings rivalry.
Mediation between siblings: Things to do and not to do
Siblings are children who live in the same family and are related to each other. Sibling rivalry dates back to old times. This term appeared the same time people started creating families. It “can be applied to its fullest extent when it comes to the Saudi royal family” (Reed 42). Numerous examples can be found in religion and Arabian national folklore that include tales illustrating tough relations between brothers and sisters. “One such story is the tale of al-Hasan al-Basri, in which the hero acts as the mediator between two brothers struggling over a magic rod and a magic invisible cap” (Alhujelan 8). Though this example is folk narrative, it can be used as a precise metaphor for family life in Saudi Arabia where people still keep their tribal names and stick to ancient traditions and customs.
Before defining things to do and not to do while mediating between siblings, it is necessary to determine the origins of sibling disputes. Needless to say, people do not choose the family they are born in as well as their relatives. Gender and age differences can be the key reason for rivalry arising. In addition, siblings simply cannot find an understanding due to temperament and specific features of character.
They need to cope with all those differences while sharing the people they want for themselves especially considering polygyny. For instance, two or three sons have one father. All of them may have different mothers. This fact makes them half-brothers, which can also be a problem. Other factors of sibling rivalry may include a family position that is strictly determined among Arabian families. The first thing is to choose the most appropriate strategy of mediating. “Moderate mediation assumes that the impact of the mediating variable depends on the values of the given moderator” (Sisler and Ittel 138). The idea is to create independence of one participant from another. In other words, a mediator is supposed to collect and analyze data independently from individuals.
Another key point that requires consideration is the fact that Saudi Arabian society is guided by patriarchal norms and standards. In other words, men in Saudi Arabia have more rights in comparison with women who have their economic and freedom rights limited and restricted. As a result, their closest male relatives or husbands prescribe the choice women make or the requirements they have.
Though forced marriages have been banned, current legislation does not determine the age for marriage. It means “Saudi women face various restrictions within the family context” (“Atlas of Gender and Development: How Social Norms Affect Gender Equality in Non-OECD Countries” 164). This fact has a great impact on efficient mediation strategies. On the other hand, one should admit that Saudi Arabia is among countries that are influenced by a Westernization process. At the same time, in 2001 “a regulation was passed preventing Saudi women from selling their valuables without a physical presence of their male guardian” (Yamani 73).
New generations try to represent themselves as an up-to-date society without common racial and religious stereotypes. It means that comparisons while mediating are unacceptable. Every individual is eager to feel and express his uniqueness. One would hardly like to be evaluated in relation to someone else. Every mediated individual should be provided with his or her goals as well as expectations that will relate only to a particular person.
Every person is prone to feel anger and jealousy apart from age and gender. We should not be afraid of feelings such as anger or jealousy. It is impossible to avoid them, and there is no need. Mediators are not supposed to suppress it anyhow unless it leads to an open dispute or conflict. Anger is a normal thing for every human. They should deal with a fast intervention to cope with the problem. The idea is to let siblings settle all their differences and arguments. This is when a moderate mediation strategy is required. However, it can appear to be a tough practice due to the unfair treating of elder siblings considering their higher family position.
The question of unequal terms is rather common for Saudi families as in most cases at least one side suffers from the minority of rights. Saudi society is about to break the edge of “subservience to the authority of elders” (Al-Rasheed 5). It is a perfect time for the implementation of modern management behavior strategies. They include ignoring appropriate behavior paying attention only to the facts of a particular problem arising as well as other efficient models.
Common simple techniques can also come in handy. They include simple agreeing or telling enough is enough. The main goal is to establish coveted privileges that are distributed evenly. Though siblings may be the main cause of stress for mediators, some of the mentioned strategies will help to overcome any difficulties and provide siblings with a stable background to serve them in the future. The changing process has already been launched. Country leaders are promoting “Western political mechanisms such as universal suffrage, parliamentary supremacy, direct presidential elections, and even constitutional monarchy” (Billingsley 84). These changes will certainly influence the social aspects of life for Saudi families.
Author’s Thoughts About the Subject
Religious and cultural homogeneity determine the evolving direction of the Saudi Arabian nation and contains a high level of cultural and religious homogeneity. These factors shape the way people live, talk and establish relations in their families. Sunni Wahhabi Islam is also a part of the cultural homogeneity that depicts the values and attitudes within families and their relations with other society members.
One would never argue that family is the key component of the Saudi Social system. It appears that the family is the defining background, which determines the status of a particular individual. A common practice involved several families sharing their interests and even lifestyle while creating alignments. This fact defined the way people worked and lived. Family businesses are common in Saudi society. They help to get involved sons, brothers, and male siblings in the process that sometimes resulted in sibling rivals considering extended families.
However, common methods of mediating between siblings are almost the same. At least, they are based on the same background featuring physical and mental safety as priorities. Needless to say, safety is the main priority when it comes to children and relatives. Handling serious struggles may turn out to be a tough challenge for the moderator. On the other hand, mediators are allowed to put siblings at risk of getting wounds and injuries.
Struggles resulting in physical aggression are rather rare in Saudi families especially between siblings though sometimes such situations can take place as every individual tends to express his or her emotions no matter if they are positive or negative. Some people can do wrong things on impulse especially when it comes to Arabian nations. The idea is to limit aggressive behavior but not push the boundaries of siblings’ freedoms and rights. Moderators are supposed to provide siblings with safe areas to spend time and play (for children). Young infants often appear to be rather impulsive and energetic.
The main mission is to keep them away from troubles and injuries while they interact with other participants. On the other hand, every mediator should keep in mind that even the safest measures and precautions will not let them avoid 100% of happenings. This is when a proper reaction is necessary. Both parties of the conflict should be treated inappropriately but not in a limited way. Judgment is not always the best remedy when it comes to Saudi Arabia siblings. On the other hand, knowledge of right and wrong would be extremely necessary on such occasions.
Another thing that must be taken into consideration is the fact that the necessity of mediating between siblings may result in a sort of crisis mode. The family dynamics can develop with both sense of reliability on the one side and surrounding fears on the other side. This is when a mediator is supposed to implement moderating strategies to make that intense feeling disappear as soon as possible. Its development can lead to inevitable consequences and mental traumas.
It results in the second key factor for mediating between siblings, which is emotional and mental safety. Some may think Saudi siblings are calmer and less hot-tempered. Such a statement is hardly true considering the mentality of the Arabian nation. Every person calls for emotional stability in order to perform proper behavior. The situation with siblings may go out of control when misbalance is observed.
The defining component of success is to choose as a moderate and nonintrusive mediating strategy as possible. Reacting impatiently will inevitably lead to worse consequences. Some out-of-date methods include traditional manipulating tactics that have already proved to be inefficient. While some experts still advise implementing roughhousing strategies, they will hardly come in handy with Saudi siblings.
Young siblings often come with processing feelings. However, it does not mean they always come on a clue. Young siblings are prone to express all their emotions openly. Every child will certainly be good at performing the entire set of feelings and emotions without hiding the irritation, anger, or anxiety. The only thing they do this is to make everyone around accepts their emotions and feelings.
In other words, a mediator should be ready to accept all those expressions no matter how strong they can be. The addition of siblings often comes with such an expression that can be compared with the adults’ grieve. The tables can be turned when it comes to Saudi siblings. A person is unable to predict such an extraordinary feeling as grief. It is hard to predict it. That is why a moderator should always keep in mind it as the key element of struggles between siblings.
A person may not shed a single tear during the funeral. On the other hand, a later random can lead to a trivial experience of opened floodgates. The key to success and emotional safety is to discuss every occasion in particular. Mediators should let siblings express their sincere emotions and feelings no matter if they resulted in betrayals, sadness, loss, or jealousy. Many methods to handle the situation can be used in case the source of the problem is recognized.
At the same time, such an approach will help to avoid emotional explosions and meltdowns that can lead to a more serious emotional crisis and problems in relations between siblings. On the other hand, unconditional acceptance is not always as efficient as it may seem at first sight. A certain balance between moderate and strict approaches should be kept with Saudi siblings.
The situation can appear to be rather challenging when it comes to acceptance. This is due to the fact that people sometimes tend to forget important things when dealing with massive reactions and behavioral aspects. Mediating between siblings often comes with a ton of an informational load as well as an enormous overreaction. Moderators need to be prepared for an endless inflow of various positive and negative emotions to handle.
It may sound strange, but toys can also appear to be a more efficient tool when mediating between both younger and older siblings. Older siblings also take toys though they can be a bit different from those taken by younger siblings.
No matter what they are, toys have proved to be a strong impulse letting the mediator take back the control over the situation. One would hardly believe that toys can be used to create an atmosphere of calmness with all the participants relaxed and positively tuned. Saudi siblings are not an exception in such situations though they are traditionally not used to taking toys. On the other hand, such an approach will help the mediator to earn a good and trustworthy reputation providing a positive perspective for future interaction as a key to success. Older siblings are akin to luxurious cars and movie stars in the same way as children to a teddy bear.
A mediator should be always open to every message sent by siblings. Younger participants have already proved that it is not about things, it is mainly about the attitude and connection. If a moderator avoids treating his participants with anger and impatience, it will minimize the risk of any negative reactions as well as reactions performed in impulse by intense though still understandable and acceptable.
Staying calm and leading both siblings by trust are among the most casual tips to mediate. However, their efficiency should not be underestimated. In spite of numerous new tactics and supervising methods, a traditional approach seems to be continuous when it comes to Saudi siblings. Some may find it rather hard to replace instinct reactions and emotions with calmness and trust. Conducting an independent attitude to every side may appear to be rather efficient.
Siblings can start a rivalry over a ridiculous reason in spite of their nationality. At least, those reasons seem senseless to adults and can be of great importance to younger participants. The key reason for every struggle is a certain degree of jealousy. Such feeling can result in better toys of one sibling as well as better attitude from parents. A significant difference in age can be another defining reason especially in Saudi families between boys and men.
The struggle can also have a cultural and interest background. On the one hand, the generation gap can hardly be observed in Saudi Arabia. On the other hand, the mentality here is changing. It means that older siblings can’t sometimes get in terms with younger siblings.
The main mission of every mediator is to reveal the true reason for siblings’ rivals. As a rule, they mainly result in several main factors. The first one includes evolving needs. Every individual stick to a particular form of evolution. Children eventually evolve into toddlers.
This fact is followed by growing needs and demands, which is natural. On the other hand, such evolution has a certain effect on the individuality of a person. Individuality is changing and evolving together with the needs. Such changes may have a great impact on the way siblings relate to their parents and each other. For example, an older brother used to enjoy taking care of his baby brother. However, this was until a baby brother started walking. An older sibling was no longer interested in interacting or even upset with the fact he is no longer required.
Many defining factors need to be taken into account. The difference between individual temperaments is among them. Siblings may be in very close relations. However, it does not mean they will have the same reaction on different occasions. Two siblings that seem to be almost the same may differ like ice and flame. That is why a mediator is supposed to find a balance taking into account key features of every sibling’s personality.
Every person has unique features of character and personality. These factors will certainly affect the way both relatives will get along with each other. Any things that happen around rarely bother some of them. Others can get angry and irritated by the slightest occasion. The idea is to satisfy their special needs in order to gain the necessary trust and level of reliability. If everything is done right, the moderator will succeed in mediating between siblings in spite of their nationality.
Conclusion
Mediating between Saudi Arabian siblings can be as challenging as mediating between siblings of any other nationality. On the one hand, this nation has a stable cultural background defined by religion and history. On the other hand, individual personality and features of character should be taken into account. The generation gap between Saudi siblings is becoming the major reason for sibling rivals. Traditions and lifestyles are changing.
Some may find this fact rather frustrating. Nevertheless, major families still follow their patriarchal traditions letting the mediator set necessary behavioral standards and limitations in case of necessity. At the same time, establishing a moderate approach is necessary to handle the sibling’s struggles and create an atmosphere of calmness and peace. Identifying the reason of rivals is certainly the key to success. “Accepting inheritance includes accepting the liabilities” (Murphy 9).
Works cited
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Alhujelan, Naser. Worldviews of the Peoples of the Arabian Peninsula: A Study of Cultural System. Ann Arbor, MI: ProQuest LLC, 2008. Print.
Billingsley, Anthony. Political Succession in the Arab World: Constitutions, Family Loyalties and Islam. New York, NY: Routledge, 2010. Print.
Murphy, Papa. Inheritance LAWS in an Islamic Society: Islamic Cultures are Distinct in an Islamic Society. Bloomington, IN: iUniverse Inc., 2012. Print.
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Sisler, Aiden and Angela Ittel. Siblings in Adolescence: Emerging Individuals, Lasting Bonds. New York, NY: Psychology Press, 2015. Print.
Yamani, Maha. Polygamy and Law in Contemporary Saudi Arabia. Reading, UK: Ithaca Press, 2008. Print.