Non-verbal communication can tell much about people’s attitudes, emotions, feelings, and intentions (Mehrabian 2007, p. 12). In some cases, it can be more informative than people’s words (Mehrabian 2007, p. 12; Fielding, 2005, p. 120). Additionally, it can affect the quality of people’s relations with one another.
Non-verbal language is particularly important in those cases, when the relationship has a high degree of interdependence. The knowledge of non-verbal signs enables a person to better express one’s emotions and detect the changes in other people’s mood (Klapp & Hall, 2009, p. 62). This skill is important for avoiding or minimizing potential conflicts or disagreements.
In this paper, I would like to discuss how non-verbal communication manifests itself in my relationship with my boyfriend. I met him seven months ago in a local bookshop. I noticed that it was somewhat difficult to start a conversation with me, but he eventually approached me and asked me for a date. Later it turned out that we live in the same neighborhood and even have common acquaintances.
One can characterize our relations as intimate. At this point, I would not like to set too far-fetched goals. Yet, I do want this relationship to continue; my boyfriend is a person with whom I may create a family and even raise children. However, these are only long-term plans, and it is too early to speak about them. I think that for both of us this relationship has a great value, and we do not want to lose it.
There are several non-verbal behaviors that we usually display. These non-verbal signals can tell something about our personalities. For instance, I usually tend to assume an open posture which means that I do not try to shield parts of the body. Normally, such kind of posture implies that a person feels confident and relaxed (Galvin & Bishop 2011, p. 12).
This can also indicate that a person has high level of self-esteem (Galvin & Bishop 2011, p. 12). In turn, my boyfriend sometimes prefers to cross his legs, which is one of closed postures (Rana & Upton, 2008, p. 461). Yet, he never does so when I am present. On the whole, closed posture can suggest that a person usually tends to be more restrained (Galvin & Bishop 2011, p. 12).
Secondly, I usually talk to people at an arm’s distance, at least two or three feet. This distance is normally reduced when I am talking to my close relatives and certainly my boyfriend. Overall, this non-verbal behavior is typical of people who attach importance to privacy (Volm, 2002, p. 4; Weiten, Dunn, & Hammer, 2011, p. 25).
My boyfriend also maintains some distance and his interlocutor. This form of non-verbal behavior means that both of us value our intimacy zone, and it can be entered only by a few people. This is one of the traits that we share.
Moreover, I can say that my voice is usually a good indicator of my mood. It can tell about my joy, regret, sadness, excitement, discontent, anger, and so forth. To some degree, it indicates that I am more inclined to extroversion or openness in relations with other people.
I usually prefer to express my attitudes and feelings more openly. In turn, my boyfriend tries to take more control of his voice. It is not easy to detect the changes in his mood only by his voice. Thus, we differ in our willingness to express the emotions. My boyfriend definitely takes more effort to control and sometimes even suppress them.
Facial expressions are also an important part of non-verbal behavior. As a rule, facial expressions indicate at such emotions as joy, surprise, disgust, anger, and so forth (Lewis, Havland-Jones & Barrett, 2010, p. 365). I think that my face expresses confidence and the state of relaxation. In turn, my boyfriend is more inclined to be strained, and it is often manifested in his facial expressions.
Very often, it bears the marks of concentration and mental activity. Overall, these non-verbal behaviors can tell much about our personalities. I attach more importance to confidence and openness. In contrast, my boyfriend tends to be more restrained, concentrated, and sometimes even self-oriented.
When my boyfriend and I meet each other, we change our non-verbal behavior. In my opinion, these adjustments are a sign that we try to be attentive to each other’s needs. First of all, our faces almost always tend to express joy and happiness.
Moreover, when we are close to one another, one can often see Duchene smiles on our faces. They are a mark of happiness and joy (Spinozzi, P. & Zinoni, 2010, p. 136). As a rule, people give Duchene smiles only to those individuals with whom they feel comfortable and relaxed (Spinozzi, P. & Zinoni, 2010, p. 136).
Secondly, my friend, who usually prefers closed postures such as crossing one’s legs and arms, becomes much more open when he is near me. Additionally, hugging is another non-verbal behavior that we both display when we are together.
These are the main changes in our non-verbal behavior. Additionally, I can speak about such issues as increased heartbeat that I can always detect in myself. These changes in non-verbal communication tell that this relationship significantly affects both of us. Moreover, they indicate that this relationship is of great value to both of us.
Admittedly, our non-verbal behaviors change in intense situations. My partner attempts to control his non-verbal behavior even he is distresses or anxious. In particular, he does not want his voice to reveal any anger or anxiety that he may have. Yet, there are some things that attract my attention, for example, increased rate of blinking that indicates at anxiety (Poyaltos, 1993, p. 307; Eigring, 2007, p. 3).
In moments of intense concentration, my boyfriend tends to frown, and this non-verbal behavior is not typical of him. Moreover, at the time, when he feels that he did something wrong, he is likely to avoid eye contact for some time. I am worse at controlling my emotions.
Sometimes, in intense situations, I can raise my voice. This is the main indicator of my mood. Additionally, at the time, when I am angry I usually avoid almost any form of touch.
The changes in non-verbal behavior are very important for our relationship. They indicate that something may not be right that we should be more careful to each other. For instance, when my boyfriend notices non-verbal signs of anxiety in me, he asks me what happened and what should be done.
Usually, his guesses about my mood are correct. Similarly, I can detect some changes in his mood by looking at his non-verbal behavior such as changes in posture or frowning. Overall, non-verbal behavior plays a positive role in our relationship.
To a great extent, it allows us to prevent potential conflicts or at least minimize their effects. This example indicates that ability to decode non-verbal messages is extremely important for maintaining intimate relations (Waisman 2010, p. 9). This is an important skill for every person.
However, there are several things that I would like to change in our relations, and non-verbal communication. In my opinion, inability to express feelings and emotions in a proper way may adversely affect the personal relation. In fact, it is one of the reasons why many people end a relationship (Corey, 2012, p. 18; Lewis 2007, p. 8).
My boyfriend often chooses to suppress his negative emotions but his non-verbal almost always shows that something is not right. If he could express his emotions more explicitly, our relationship would have greatly improved.
In turn, I should try to gain more control over my emotions because in many cases, I may give vent to my negative feelings. In many cases, my boyfriend has nothing to do with them. Thus, in this way, I can unintentionally harm him.
Overall, this analysis shows that non-verbal communication is important for maintaining relationships. Moreover, ability to detect the changes in non-verbal behavior enables a person to identify changes in a partner’s mood.
The thing is that facial expressions, postures, gestures may tell much about a person’s attitudes, emotions, or feelings. On the whole, ability to send and decode non-verbal signals is crucial for effective communication.
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