Book’s Summary
The book “The Group: Seven widowed fathers reimagine life” by Rosenstein and Yopp (2018) describes the experience of using therapeutic groups to help men whose wives have recently died cope with grief and bereavement. It also describes men’s adaptation to the changed conditions of their lives, issues of being sole parents, and post-traumatic growth opportunities. All men have young children, so in addition to dealing with their grief, they also need to help their children understand and cope with their mother’s deaths. The book describes men’s situations after their wives’ death and illustrates the positive impact of shared grief practice on the human condition.
The therapeutic group, in this case, contributes to a better adaptation of men who lost their wives due to the disease. It also helps men better understand the nature of their children’s grief. In the first part of the book, Rosenstein and Yopp (2018) describe the illness and the last days of the wives of the group members. This description facilitates an understanding of the depth of the relationship between spouses and the distribution of household responsibilities. The second part of the book focuses on the men’s adjustment to the changes brought about by the death of their wives. This part also focuses on the father’s role as a sole parent and his contribution to helping children overcome grief. The third part shows the post-traumatic growth that can be traced in each group member. It is a gradual, smooth way out of grief and normalizing their lives. At the same time, men must not try to suppress the memories of their deceased wives but try to live on, taking into account the events that happened to them.
Moreover, the experiences described in the book by Rosenstein and Yopp (2018) can be used to cope with any loss. While the case study highlights the experience of widowed parents, the use of group therapy is not only possible in the case of a spouse’s death. It can also be issues related to divorce, the death of a friend, or other losses. In the case of bereavement and grief, group therapy can be a great solution because it helps the person to understand that they are not alone in their experiences and to identify their emotions and feelings.
Clinical realizations of the book
Depression due to grief and bereavement
One of the essential topics that Rosenstein and Yopp (2018) raise in their book is the difference between depressed mood and clinical depression. In the chapter “Of course I’m Depressed, but Do I Have Depression?” researchers study whether a person can be diagnosed with depression based on grief and bereavement. The answer to this question is ambiguous and depends on many other circumstances. Undoubtedly, losing a loved one entails deterioration of a person’s psychological state, depressed mood, loss of motivation, and apathy. Under normal conditions, these symptoms could indicate clinical depression in the patient. But in conditions of grief and severe loss, establishing a diagnosis, mental health providers should “use their judgment to distinguish between uncomplicated grief and major depression during early bereavement” (Rosenstein and Yopp, 2018, p.45). This factor also needs to be considered in group therapy for people experiencing loss. Moreover, a person can experience grief and depression at the same time, so it is essential to accommodate these characteristics in a group setting.
Dealing with stressors
Another clinical realization of the book is dealing with stressors. The authors distinguish between loss-oriented and restoration-oriented stressors faced by a person experiencing a loss. The first type of stressor is directly related to the death of a loved one. The husbands in the described case often focused on the moment of discovery of their wife’s illness and her last days of life. In addition, these flashbacks are accompanied by thoughts about what could be changed and a feeling of guilt and often become the cause of the development of survivor disorder. For example, most men in the group said it would be much easier for their children if the father died instead of the mother.
On the other hand, restoration-oriented stressors are associated with adaptation to new living conditions resulting from the loss. Again, neither man is ready to be a sole parent and does not understand how he needs to maintain the same level and pace of life before his wife’s death. Men constantly experience shifting attention between the loss- and restoration-oriented stressors, which leads to the deterioration of their psychological state. Group therapy, in this case, helps to focus on solving the problems that arise and sharing your loss with those with a similar experience.
Post-traumatic perception of improvements
The third part of the book focuses on the improvements made by the men in the group. However, an important point is also the adequate perception of posttraumatic growth. Many people may have conflicting views on a person’s adjustment after losing a spouse. For example, stories about improved relationships with children or new achievements at work may be dissonant with conventional concepts of bereavement and grief. Thus, an essential goal of the therapeutic group is to provide support and the necessary level of encouragement to make these posttraumatic achievements. A person mustn’t feel he is betraying his deceased spouse by continuing to live everyday life. The group, in this case, is needed so that a person can focus on his achievements and not return to stressors.
Group members’ engagement and addressing issues
Leading the discussion
An important role of group therapy facilitators is to provide a comfortable atmosphere where all group members can freely express their thoughts and emotions. The first meeting plays a significant role in this, which is necessary for getting to know each other. In the case described in the book, the group consisted of men with different personalities and social skills. The speech of some group members became an example for others, as happened in the case of Dan, who has a fear of public speaking. In addition, as the authors note, men were quite reserved in expressing their grief to relatives and friends, but they acted differently in group sessions. As a result, the group needed moderation by the organizers only for the first six months of its work. After that, the participants took the initiative and independently brought up the problems they had for discussion.
Joint problem solving
The main thing that united all the men in the group in the described case was the presence of problems related to adaptation to life after the death of their wives. Even though the problems of each man were different, other group members could still help solve them due to the presence of a shared overall background. A case in point is the beginning of the book, where Neil decides to join the group because of an argument he had with his daughter. Other fathers, although they did not have the same experience, could still give him the advice to solve the problem. Moreover, sharing problems and the joint search for options for their solution is a unifying practice that must be used in therapeutic groups to create a shared experience and, as a result, increase the level of trust between group members. Moreover, this approach allows preventing the emergence of problems that one of the therapy participants had in other groupmates.
Help in identifying emotions and feelings
Men are more inclined to suppress and hide their emotions compared to women. This is why they can often identify with and be aware of the emotions and feelings they are experiencing. Group therapy helps participants better understand themselves based on each other’s experiences. Most of the men in the book didn’t even consider a particular concern until another group member brought it up.
Survivor Guilt
Most often, the term “survivor’s fault” describes people who survived accidents, catastrophes, or disasters. However, survivor disorder can also occur in people who have lost loved ones to cancer or other illness, which makes the use of this term consistent with the case described by Rosenstein and Yopp (2018). Many of the widowed fathers in the group feel helpless at the start of therapy, experience flashbacks related to the death of their wives, and lack motivation. Moreover, for a long time, some of them cannot get rid of the feeling that “the wrong parent died” (Rosenstein and Yopp, 2018, p. 37). That is why we can talk about survivor syndrome within the framework of this book.
This syndrome is also characterized by depression, physical and moral exhaustion, insecurity, and sleep disturbance. These symptoms appear in many members of the group. As widowed fathers cope with their grief and show post-traumatic improvement, it can be concluded that group therapy is a reasonably effective way to treat survivor syndrome. In therapy groups, people with this disorder can experience the full range of emotions without diverting attention from the situation that has become the trigger. In addition, it will help to relive the traumatic event and realize its true causes, which will help eliminate guilt.
The first thing that group therapy gives is the realization that a person is not alone in grief. Survivor syndrome is a fairly common disorder, and accepting this fact can help group members deal with guilt more quickly. Furthermore, the essential component of treating this disorder is the ability to grieve for as long as necessary. At the same time, a person should not concentrate only on his grief but should also experience the full range of emotions. The example of a group of widowed fathers demonstrates that joint practices contribute to the manifestation of repressed emotions and feelings. The meetings in the group took place in a rather cheerful manner, but at the same time, they concentrated on the death of the wives of the group members and the subsequent changes in the lives of men.
Reference
Rosenstein, D. L., & Yopp, J. M. (2018). The group: Seven widowed fathers reimagine life. Oxford University Press.