Introduction
In today’s society, there is an immense pressure to achieve perfection in all aspects of life imposed on both children and adults. This pressure often stems from external expectations, and it can have a detrimental effect on the individual’s emotional wellbeing. In her memoir, Viola Davis astutely points out, referring to her childhood, that “there was an expectation of perfectionism without the knowledge of emotional wellbeing” (88). The purpose of this paper is to explore the toll that perfectionism takes on individuals and how the environment and childhood experiences can influence the development of perfectionistic tendencies and perfectionists.
Causes of Perfectionism
High expectations and the focus on perfectionism set high standards that are often impossible or painful to achieve. The continuous pursuit of perfection, especially by children and young people who want the appreciation of others, can lead to feelings of chronic stress, anxiety, and self-doubt. As a result, perfectionists often place their self-worth on external achievements, and any perceived failures can be devastating. According to Davis, people usually tend to promote such tendencies, expressing specific affirmations: “work hard” or “be great” (88). This situation can lead to a constant sense of dissatisfaction and a never-ending cycle of striving for unattainable goals.
The specifics of the environment and different childhood experiences play a significant role in shaping an individual’s perfectionistic inclinations. Growing up in an environment where there is a strong emphasis on achievement and high expectations can contribute to the development of perfectionism. This tendency can develop through the influence of parents, teachers, or peers who consistently demand excellence from other people. The problem is that people tend to promote the idea of perfectionism, and “when you’re a poor kid growing up with trauma, no one is equipping you with tools to do “better,” to “make a life” (Davis 89). Overall, the fear of disappointing others or not addressing expectations can be deeply ingrained, leading to a relentless pursuit of perfection.
Personal Experience
In my own experience, perfectionism started to influence my life at a very young age when my mother had many expectations regarding me. She had relatively high standards and could not tolerate failure. She wanted nothing less than excellence, and it was never enough for her. I found myself striving to meet her expectations, bending over backward to please her. My entire young life seemed to revolve around making her proud. However, no matter how hard I tried, it was never good enough. This continual pressure to be perfect took a toll on my mental health, leaving me feeling anxious, worried, and constantly questioning my self-worth.
Influence of Perfectionism
Perfectionism affects an individual’s emotional wellbeing and significantly impacts their relationships and overall quality of life. The need for perfection can lead to a fear of taking risks or trying new things, as the fear of failure becomes overwhelming. This attitude can limit personal growth and prevent individuals from reaching their full potential. Additionally, perfectionism can strain relationships, as the constant need for approval and validation can be exhausting for both the individual and those around them.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the endless pursuit of perfection can lead to chronic stress and self-doubt. Growing up in a problematic environment with high expectations and a clear focus on achievement can contribute to the formation of perfectionism. From a personal perspective, I have experienced the toll that perfectionism can take on one’s life. The constant desire to be perfect for my mother left me feeling nervous and doubting my self-esteem. Ultimately, it is essential to recognize the importance of emotional wellbeing and strive for balance rather than perfection.
Work Cited
Davis, Viola. Finding Me. HarperOne, 2022.
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