Introduction
Growth demands change and since a human being has to grow so do human systems, as a result of this change is therefore inevitable. Growth in human life can simply be defined as increase in all aspects of life including physical and emotional. As a young man grows in a home, he starts wanting his space especially as soon as he gets to adolescent age. Things change sometimes so fast that even “dear mummy” is now prohibited from entering his bedroom. All these are signs of growth though they are not necessarily pleasant or welcome; they are inevitable and need adjustments (Michael and Richard 2004).
Discussion
Normally a family starts with two people; traditionally a man and woman. When a young man/woman finally moves from their parents’ home, they go out with an intention of making a home for themselves. Though this feels nice at first, it also comes with a lot of responsibility. The young man has now to pay for his own rent, food, gas, etc. it becomes a stage in life where someone learns how to become independent; physically, financially, and emotionally. For some despite a few manageable challenges, it works out well but for others it proves so difficult that they have to keep on moving in and out of their parents’ home before they can finally settle. As the young man learns how to stay by himself another type of growth occurs in him and he realizes that he needs some company and starts looking for a person he can marry. (Monica and Carter, 1989).
Marriage comes with its own different responsibility. The young person has not only to expand his budget but also has to have a bigger heart that can accommodate his fiancée’s behavior and also his in-laws’ interference with the running of his home. After sometimes the young couple will soon desire to have children and that will mean more new members of the family. With this again comes an expansion in that the young couple now has to adjust to allow a baby in their lives. Many marriages start having problems here since the child will demand too much time especially from the mother and she is likely to unconsciously start neglecting her husband. It becomes a really interesting scenario when both the child and the father begin to fight for the mother’s/spouse’s attention. If the above is not handled wisely, the man often starts looking for other sources of attention and if that persists the marital bonds gradually begin to loosen.
Apart from emotional challenges, there are other needs that come up; the young couple has now to expand their budget to cater for their baby’s expense which can be a strain if not afore planned for. As the baby grows up parenting becomes an uphill task especially for new parents since they are faced with a modeling and mentoring roles that they couldn’t care much about before. At this stage the child’s grandparents feel obliged to interfere which does not always go well if the child’s parents are not in agreement with their parents’ way of bringing up their child. (Michael and Richard 2004).
As children grow they themselves undergo different stages of growth. One of the most important stages is that of adolescents. During this period there arise many challenges affecting both the teenager and their parents. At this stage the young adult’ seeks trust from his parents that he can manage his life just fine. On the other hand, the parents know too well that it is a dangerous stage and therefore will want to put some measure of control. This tag of war goes on and on until again the grandparents come in to help which depending on which side they tend to lie, more conflicts now arise. As this goes on in this family, other changes are occurring too; grandpa could be terminally ill or could even die. This will obviously affect the young family because they will need to either live with the sick person or stretch their budget to place him in a home. It becomes quite challenging to a teenager’s parent whose father is in a home for the old, a spouse who wants to change job and advance education, and a teenager who wants to be allowed to go on holiday with her teenage friends in a foreign country. As time goes by all the above challenges cease, the teenager is soon an adult who wants a home for himself, the other spouse has finally settled in a job or retired, and grandparents are safe in a home or dead and it this couple is left alone to enjoy each other’s company just like before, and soon they will be grandparents!!! (Crain, 1992).
As the above changes were taking place in a home, sometimes there needed external help for things to run as expected. When a family faces challenges it does not necessarily mean that it is dysfunctional but rather demands adjustments. The adjustments however are difficult to come by and a family therapist is needed to aid the family members. For a young couple that does not have problems, therapist will come in and help the couple to understand that they come from different backgrounds and that though it might take some time it will definitely work out if they are willing to hear and understand each other. As the couple grows and begins to have children, a family therapist will be needed again to help the couple adjust and live with the newcomer. At this stage it is mostly the man who is affected by lack of attention from his wife since the child has now taken center stage of her life. The family therapist is expected to make the man understand what is happening and also try and help the woman balance her roles both as a mother and as a wife. We mentioned earlier that as the children grow the grandparents feel oblige to interfere with their upbringing, this is normally intended to help but sometimes it turns out to be a crisis depending on which side the grandparents take. A family therapist is expected to come in and try and create harmony between the child’s/ teenager’s parents and the grandparents and still ensure that the baby/teenager is given the right parenting and direction. (Monica and Carter, 1989).
Conclusion
It is important to note that though this paper has dealt with an “ideal family” situation, there is no a standardized version of a family. Monica McGoldrick in 1980 brought out the multidimensional aspect of a family given that families are founded in different cultural, political, social-economic and religious backgrounds. Again, families come in various forms including single parents, same-sex families, stepfamilies as a result of divorce and remarriage, etc. All in all, it is the hope of all family members that whatever form of family they are involved in peace and tranquility prevail. (Michael and Richard 2004).
References
Crain, W (1992). Theories of Development, New York; Melbourne Press.
Michael P. and Richard C. (2004) Family Therapy: Concepts and Methods 6th Edition, Allyn & Bacon.
Monica, M. and Carter, B. (1989): The Changing Family Life Cycle, 60-90 Boston: Allyn and Bacon.