Introduction
Marriage and family are essential parts of life for many individuals. Family provides a safe haven for people and allows them to connect to one another and find comfort in having a stable support system. Thus, family plays a crucial role in a person’s life and profoundly impacts their mental health and well-being, as well as personal growth and ability to navigate the world in challenging times. However, all marriages and families may encounter problems that can result in feelings of resentment, anger, guilt, and fear, in particular, if one party is at fault for the experienced issues (Beltrán-Morillas et al., 2019). A resolution of marital and familial problems should be based on the emotional and decisional forgiveness of the persons involved (Lichtenfeld et al., 2019). According to Lichtenfeld et al. (2019), forgiveness, as a response to interpersonal exchanges, helps preserve relatedness with others in contempt of being harmed by them. Therefore, the inability to forgive the spouse or family member for a transgression can substantially damage one’s relationships.
Unforgiveness in marriage and families can lead to the dissolution of a marriage or a family unit if not timely addressed. It can be defined as a response of an offended party that “manifests as a result of an act of betrayal, transgression, or severe interpersonal offense” (Beltrán-Morillas et al., 2019, p. 3). Unforgiveness is closely correlated with the concept of ego, or the sense of self-esteem and self-importance (Beltrán-Morillas et al., 2019). In marital and familial environments, unforgiveness presents a significant risk as the offended party may lose their trust and bond with the offender party. In particular, unforgiveness prevents stable and healthy romantic and familial relationships from forming and damages the existing marital and familial connections. Overall, unforgiveness exacerbates the distress from the experienced traumatic event and leads to long-term resentment and an unhealthy environment.
The Rationale for Topic Selection
Personal Interest in the Topic
In my opinion, unforgiveness and its causes present a far more interesting topic for research than forgiveness. Unforgiveness can be viewed as a secondary traumatic event after exposure to a primary stressor. Furthermore, it is more prolonged and impacts both the offended person and the offender, as well as various third parties, including children. I think true forgiveness in the context of marital or familial relationships cannot be achieved without a complete understanding of the causes of the transgression and the reasons behind one’s inability to forgive. Overall, the topic of unforgiveness in marriages and families is complex and warrants proper examination. Notably, assessing whether a traumatic event or one’s attributions and characteristics contribute more to unforgiveness would be interesting. I believe that a better understanding of this phenomenon will be of great use to marriage and family counseling and can potentially lead to the preservation of numerous families.
The Value of the Topic in Marriage and Family Counseling
The research topic of unforgiveness presents considerable value in the field of marriage and family counseling. It should be noted that the primary purpose of counseling is to help navigate any differences and problems the involved persons may have and work towards resolving conflicts. Knowledge of the causes of unforgiveness and paths toward achieving forgiveness is crucial for such therapy. According to Karner-Huțuleac (2022), unforgiveness can be viewed as a “combination of delayed negative emotions” magnified through excessive rumination towards the transgression or the transgressor (p. 51). Rumination is an unhealthy pattern of behavior that prompts additional stress and can lead to the development of a variety of physical and mental health issues and strain relationships further (Karner-Huțuleac, 2022). Similarly, Singh et al. (2022) note that rumination about an event and the feelings caused by it increases the intensity of those feelings. This insight is of particular significance to counseling as it offers a route for addressing one’s inability to forgive. Different coping mechanisms, including emotional forgiveness, can be offered to individuals experiencing unforgiveness. Thus, the knowledge of the emotional triggers of unforgiveness is crucial in counseling.
Conclusion
Furthermore, it should be noted that unforgiveness is not an isolated reaction, and it comes into interplay with the responses of the transgressor to it. According to Toussaint and Webb (2019), unforgiveness is often met with retaliation, denial, and revenge that can exacerbate the situation and damage marital and familial relationships. Negative responses to unforgiveness have their own external and internal causes that require additional focus. Positive responses to unforgiveness include searching for justice and forgiveness, as well as self-forgiveness (Toussaint & Webb, 2019). Lichtenfeld et al. (2019) note that personal attributions govern the responses to forgiveness and unforgiveness. Thus, persons with conflict-promoting qualities are highly unlikely to forgive a partner for a misdeed and are more likely to react negatively to unforgiveness (Lichtenfeld et al., 2019). The understanding of the complex causal relationship between unforgiveness and responses to it and these reactions and one’s attributions. This knowledge is vital in marriage and family counseling as it helps to better understand the clients’ intricate interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships. In summary, unforgiveness in marriages and families should be at the forefront of research in marriage and family counseling.
References
Beltrán-Morillas, A. M., Valor-Segura, I., & Expósito, F. (2019). Unforgiveness motivations in romantic relationships experiencing infidelity: Negative affect and anxious attachment to the partner as predictors. Frontiers in Psychology, 10, 1–17. Web.
Karner-Huțuleac, A. (2022). Forgiveness, unforgiveness and health. Journal of Intercultural Management and Ethics, 3(2), 51–58. Web.
Lichtenfeld, S., Maier, M. A., Buechner, V. L., & Fernández Capo, M. (2019). The influence of decisional and emotional forgiveness on attributions. Frontiers in Psychology, 10, 1–8. Web.
Singh, A. K., Tiwari, G. K., & Rai, P. K. (2022). Beyond “cold emotion and rumination”. European Journal of Psychology Open, 1–14. Web.
Toussaint, L., & Webb, J. R. (2019). Theoretical and empirical connections between forgiveness, mental health, and well-being. In E. L. Worthington & N. G. Wade (Eds.), Handbook of forgiveness (2nd ed., pp. 349–362). Routledge.