The paragraph
Excessive dependence on the Internet and smartphones among children distorts their self-esteem. Styx (2020) explains that recognition in social media becomes more and more critical for young people and impacts their identity formation process. For instance, some of them care more about the number of likes their new Instagram post got than about preparation for the next test in school. When one’s personality is irrelevant or ignored by others online, he/she may develop depression or anxiety.
Even negative attention is perceived as a better option than being irrelevant by adolescents. Thus, children often turn to anonymous hurtful comments targeted at them to get additional attention. For example, adolescents often cyberbully themselves on ask.fm encouraging others to respond with sympathy (Fraga, 2021). Self-trolling and self-cyberbullying using fake accounts help them get the attention they seek in a negative way.
Initial post and sentence examples in the passive and active voice
In the passive voice, the sentence went like this, “Even negative attention is perceived as a better option than being irrelevant by adolescents.” If it is changed so that the active voice is used, it will turn out like this, “Young people perceive negative attention as a better option than being irrelevant by adolescents.” Voice is a grammatical category that only verbs have; it can be both active and passive. I prefer the passive version of the sentence because, for my example, the sentence’s subject is not so important, that is, the one who directly acts. Although sentences in active voice add dynamism, in my example, this is not necessary. It was vital for me to show that the predicate influences the subject, so the passive voice was used.
Peer response
When the voice is active, natural, easily comprehensible sentences are obtained. In the active voice, the subject of the proposal is in a conspicuous place. That is, it is clear to the reader who is acting. My peer seems to have erroneously indicated that he likes sentences in the passive voice better since, in his text, all sentences are written in the active voice. Indeed, as my peer rightly noted, sentences that use the active voice have more dynamism. They indicate the subject of the action, and therefore the resulting phrases are easily understandable to the reader.
However, situations arise when it is apparent who is acting that there is no need to designate it. Classic examples of such evident subjects are the police, doctors, firefighters, in general, those who do unique work that no one else can do. In the peer’s text, there is no need to structure the sentences so that it is not indicated who is acting. At the beginning of the last sentence, my peer could have written, “as it has been demonstrated in numerous studies.” It is often less important for readers to know who the study’s author is; however, this is just my suggestion.