Introduction
Marriage can be defined differently by different people and from different perspectives. While others say marriage is a contract, some say it is a ceremony while to others it is a union. Generally, marriage is supposed to be bound to people to each other forever. It usually involves the union of two separate individuals who come together to become the same goes for their families.
Marriage also involves bringing together two different cultures of the individuals getting married. Culture is very sensitive and human beings should be open and curious to experience and learn from it. The world is changing and so is the behavior and culture of people. People from different worlds and cultures can now co-exist together and even marry each other.
Cross-cultural experiences are also increasing and it implies a comparison of some phenomena across cultures for example in marriages (Gudykunst and Kim 18). Cross-cultural marriages acceptance is growing especially for Asian-Americans. Statistics show that cross-cultural marriages between Asians and whites have increased rapidly in the recent decades for both men and women but dealing with the cultural differences has been the main problem and cause for breakups and arguments.
Thesis
The influence of the individualism-collectivism cultural dimension and elements of non-verbal communications are important in both American and Thai wedding ceremonies. Many cultural differences usually don’t show until after a couple starts planning their wedding and later encounters a significant crisis because one does not take time to understand each other’s customs. This paper will examine two different countries that have different lifestyles, cultures and conduct their wedding ceremonies differently. The two countries are America and Thai.
To understand why people do things differently in these countries, we have to familiarize ourselves with cultural differences and examine the future cross-cultural relationship between America and Thai. This paper will highlight pre-ceremony, during the wedding, and post-wedding activities for both cultures. By comparing these cultures we will be able to understand and see the differences between the customs, values and traditions of the two countries. The paper will also examine how individualism and collectivism affects the communication process during weddings in these countries
American weddings
American weddings have few wedding traditions that are totally unique to America even though individual weddings might be a little different from each other. First, marriages in America are not arranged. American weddings are mostly carried out under the individualism principle. This principle states that people do things according to what they personally believe is right and not according to a collective view. The elements of individualism state that a typical American wedding takes place between two people who have sought out a partner and have found someone with whom they believe they can share their life.
The same elements state further that many brides usually prefer a professional wedding planner to take care of the wedding instead of their parents. An American wedding takes place in three major stages which are the stage before, during and after the wedding. In American weddings, a man is expected to get down on his bended knees in front of the woman and propose to her. Individualism expects that once the couples are engaged then the host sends invitations to the wedding guests through postal service, usually one or two months before the wedding (Mullins 241).
Receiving an invitation however does not put any obligation on the invitee other than acceptance or decline of the invitation and offering congratulations to the couple. In American weddings, almost all guests usually give out wedding gifts even though it is optional and the gifts are usually sent to the bride’s home before the wedding day. An objective view about American weddings is that a wedding ceremony may take place anywhere but often in a church. American brides usually wear a white or light-colored dress to symbolize purity.
The bride may also choose the type of flowers in the wedding usually the ones that signify her emotions towards the marriage (Mullins 241). The flower girls usually lead the way followed by the bride and her father. It is customary that the bride’s father or guardian or fatherly figure walk her down the aisle. This shows the role of fathers in their daughter’s weddings in America. A vocalic view shows that the ceremony may include wedding vows where both must say it clear, slowly and not too loud but with subtle and loving tone so that everyone can hear the love that the two individuals getting married have for each other.
After the wedding, the wedding rings are exchanged to communicate the endless love and commitment for each other. Objectively, the couple is expected to stand close holding each other hands and look into each other’s eyes before a kiss to seal their union. In America, most of the newlyweds prefer a place that is medium in size so that they can greet everyone at the reception.
At this point, drinks and snacks are served and often the best men and bridesmaids toast newlyweds with personal thoughts and wishes. Champagne is served during this time because it communicates an expression of honor or goodwill (Mullins 278). Cutting of the wedding place also takes place at the reception and this symbolizes their first joint task as a married couple followed by the gesture of feeding cake to one another which symbolizes their commitment (Mullins 279).
At the end of the ceremony, the bride may toss her bouquet over her shoulder to the unmarried woman and whoever catches it will be the next to marry (Mullins 280). Another individualistic view is that couples usually go on a honeymoon after the wedding to prepare for their life together and that after the honeymoon they usually move from their parents’ homes to establish their own home.
Thai weddings
Unlike American weddings, Thai weddings are more complex. They are however based more on collectivism rather than individualism. Engagement ceremonies in Thai usually take place before wedding even though some couples usually hold it on the wedding day (Koerojna 5). A collective view in Thai is that once a couple has decided to spend their life together then the couple’s parents would have to consult with an astrologer in order to see if the stars between the couple are compatible and when is the best day and time to get engaged.
Thai wedding customs expects the couple to go out and distribute invitations to each guest after the date and time of wedding are set. Their parents usually help them in distributing the invitations. The groom and bride place the ring onto each other’s fingers followed by a waii to show respect to each other (Koerojna 3).
Next is usually the religious ceremonies and monks are usually invited to wish the couple good luck followed water-pouring ceremony. It is important that in Thai culture the groom and the bride invite everyone that they know to show that they are not forgotten during this special occasion. In Thai weddings, after the wedding, the newlyweds usually stay at the groom’s house until the parents are convinced that they can take care of themselves
Influence of individualism and collectivism and non-verbal communication
Generally, the way Americans behave or celebrate their weddings is influenced by the concept of individualism. Individualism is defined as one’s moral right to pursue one’s own happiness. Le Claire explains further that individualism is mostly seen in the cultures of Western Europe and North America.
The opinions of elders may be respected but as youth enters adulthood, he or she is expected to think about him or herself first. Individualism means that an individual thinks about himself first before thinking about another person. Weddings under this concept are considered special and the most important time of the couple’s life and they therefore take a lot of time to plan for it (Catherine Tamis Le-Monde et al 11). Individualism also expects Americans to move out and start a new life together in a new house after the wedding (Poelmans 235).
In Thai countries, collectivism is more practiced. A Thai culture is a form of collectivism where focus is put on what people have in common and on engaging in cooperative tasks (Basu 2). Collectivistic societies value family cohesion, solidarity and conformity and therefore people in these societies tend to make references to others and follow the expectations and regulations of the group. (Rod Gunn 380). As explained in how Thai wedding ceremonies, parents usually are part of their children’s wedding ceremonies from the beginning to the end for example distribution of wedding invitation cards.
Unlike individualistic cultures where people do not have time to distribute the cards hence they send them through mail, collectivist cultures must find time to hand out invitations in person especially to elders. This is because in a collectivist culture, people are encouraged to maintain group unity and solidarity and to conform to their elders (Catherine Tamis Le-monde et al 185)
Thailand is not only a form of collectivist culture but non-verbal communication is also considered. Thai weddings consist of non-verbal communications such as volcanic, kinesics, haptics and proxemics. These concepts play important roles in Thai weddings because non-verbal communication may communicate certain meanings that can either be appropriate or inappropriate in the host culture. Non-verbal communication in American weddings consists of objectics, volcanic and haptics.
Role of in-groups
In-groups are generally found in Thai weddings. The concept generally means that people work in groups and they show loyalty and solidarity to the group. The people of Thai usually work in groups when preparing for the wedding and also during the wedding and therefore they get the work done easily and quickly. The importance of in-groups is that work is divided and shared between the members of the group and hence done easily and quickly as shown in Thai weddings.
All in all, we would be able to see the differences between American and Thai wedding ceremonies through the influence of the individualism-collectivism cultural dimension and elements of non-verbal communications. American culture is a form of individualistic society in which individuals are taught to make his or her own decisions thus be independent.
Non-verbal communication also supports the idea that Americans tend to focus their wedding between the newlyweds rather than society. Thai weddings on the other hand are a form of collectivist society where individuals follow the desires of the group or society and they listen and respect their elders. All aspects are embedded behind the notion of collectivistic.
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