Introduction
Arranged marriages have existed in India from the days of yore. Various issues regarding the pros and cons of arranged marriage have gained ground with leading writers and other organizations. A critical examination of the analyses reveals that the public favors their own decision in most cases. To arrive at a suitable decision, I have chosen three arguments for and three arguments against arranged marriages in India.
The advantage of arranged marriage
Sudhir Kakar, a journalist with India Today, one of the leading magazines in India, reports that the advantage of arranged marriage is that it takes away the young person’s anxiety around finding a mate. (Kakar, 2007). Yet another view holds that arranged marriages provide more security to the woman as she receives mature advice from her parents in choosing her mate. (Arranged Marriages). The third reason is that the culture and tradition of the particular caste or community are preserved. (Arranged Marriages).
The arguments that go against the proposition are that the children do not know each other or understand each other. This results in incompatibility. Arranged marriages give rise to the threat of parents getting overprotective and controlling their children’s wishes and desires in choosing their partner and the family members of the young couple often interfere in their matters which prepares grounds for loss of individuality. (Love vs. Arranged). In the desperate attempt to preserve culture and tradition, money is swindled as dowry. (Arranged Marriages and Dowry, 1999-2006). The caste system exists which gives prominence to racism. (Classification of Marriage).
These points prepare the reader to arrive at the fallacies and hence analyze the two sides fairly and rationally.
While discussing the points in favor of arranged marriage, the writer does not seem to have taken a stand in favor yet he has provided evidence to show that arranged marriage is an outlet for the children to overcome their anxiety. It is to be noted that the range of argument is questionable and that the evidence that he has provided is not logical enough. Coming to the second argument, the writer does not express his opinion in favor of arranged marriage yet, he has dealt with the sensitive issue of protection of the rights of a woman. As a common practice, he has chosen testimony from ancient Indian and western cultures.
The evidence has not been given explicitly. In answer to the third argument, the writer has not taken a firm stand favoring arranged marriage yet, he believes that through arranged marriage the culture of a community is preserved and hence giving rise to future developments of culture and tradition in India. The writer has substantiated this from ancient Indian culture to the present.
The points against arranged marriages
Coming to the points against arranged marriages, the writer seems to have concluded that arranged marriages are insufficient to provide emotional security as the newlyweds are strangers to each other. This often gives rise to misunderstanding. There is also interference of the family members and unnecessary bickering in the name of religion. Money is swindled, the bride is harassed and in the name of dowry, she is often degraded.
It also promotes racism. These arguments are not properly evidenced. Small samples have been cited to substantiate the views. Suppressed evidence run through which doesn’t account for a practical solution to the above-mentioned drawback. The writer doesn’t look into facts or provide concrete data for reference.
From the above paragraphs, it can be rightly concluded that the arguments that go against arranged marriages are stronger than the arguments in favor.
From the evidence and arguments from both sides, views against arranged marriages are enlightening. The reasons are enumerated below:
Sharmin, in her article, Arranged Marriages: Then and Now has suggested that ‘qualities of a human being should be given its due importance over the popular attributes (family status, look, job, degrees)’ there is a formidable depth to understand the meaning of the phrase “know the person.” (Arranged Marriage: Then and Now 2006)
This reasoning asserts that the character of the person is more important than the superficial identity of the girl or boy. The girl and the boy must know each other’s differences and preferences so that there is mutual understanding in the years to come. Time has to be given to them. This evidence reiterates the need for emotional security, which is a crucial factor in the life of a woman because she has to spend the rest of her life with her in-laws being treated as an outsider rather than one among the family.
According to another opinion ‘In India the evil of dowry, caste and community issues and the concept of matching horoscopes sometimes taken to its extreme level, have contributed much to the arguments against arranged marriages” (Classification of Marriage). The evil practice of dowry has taken many innocent lives and the greed doesn’t end. Parents with girls are burdened. No doubt the rate of female infanticides is the highest. Matching horoscopes has turned fraudulent as the astrologers are bribed and very often it leads to the death of one partner! This is powerful evidence. Though the trend seems to have undergone slight changes, yet the custom prevails.
Parents’ interferences in family matters destroy the individuality of the couples. This is a striking point that has to be noted.
Conclusion
Analyses of the cases would enable us to arrive at this decision. It is a fact that in an arranged marriage the children are unknown to each other and hence they would find it extremely awkward to find themselves in an entirely new environment with a stranger after spending a good number of years with their parents. If the boy is an NRI, he would invariably leave the girl behind and keep in touch with her by phone giving no room for assessing her life partner. She is left back in yet another different environment with her in-laws, thereby providing the least emotional support. Her husband remains a total stranger for several years and the gap widens. Very often opinions clash and there is more room for misunderstandings.
It is always good that parents interfere while choosing their child’s partner because mature advice often saves mishaps.
Yet the danger it poses is alarming as there could be unnecessary interferences of the family members and over-protection resulting in feuds. Though the girl does get social security, family quarrels in the name of culture and tradition arise too soon that the family members engage in frivolous discussions that end up in serious consequences. The parents, in their aim to secure the best partner for their child often hamper the individual preferences of the young couple.
The typical Indian gives importance to the traditions and customs of the community. In the name of culture and custom, money is exchanged as dowry. A custom that began as a gift being given to the daughter at the time of marriage turned out to become a forceful demand for money to meet the requirements of the in-laws! The husband remains a mute puppet in the hands of his parents. The girl is often harassed in the name of giving birth to a male child to pass on to the coming generations. It is shameful to note that the daughter-in-law who has suffered at the hands of her mother-in-law becomes the accused in the next generation.
This is prominent even in educated and elite households where crores are spent on the bridegroom and it is called a ‘decent marriage’.
I believe that the arguments favoring arranged marriages have failed to provide practical solutions to the problems and the evidence does not stand the test of time, whereas the arguments against arranged marriages have evidence and public support. They have withstood the test of time. Proofs from every side seem to speak against arranged marriages.
References
Kakar, Sudhir. (2007). Match Fixing, India Today. Web.
Arranged Marriages, Indian Wedding: iloveindia. Web.
Love vs. Arranged, Indian Wedding: iloveindia. Web.
Arranged Marriages and Dowry, (1999-2006). Pardesi. Web.
Arranged marriage: Then and Now. (2006). Adhunika blog. Web.
Classification of Marriage, Indianetzone. Web.