Active Listening
According to Dr. Fillmore, most individuals do not listen well, despite listening being the most crucial communication skill, because they tune out, judge, or interject into their spouse’s conversation. Paying attention to what the other person is discerning, feeling, and saying without criticizing them defines empathetic listening (Fillmore, 2010). James 1:19 is a scripture passage describing this skill: “Take note of this my dear brothers and sisters: all people should be slow to be angry, slow to talk, and hasty to listen.” The verse stresses that listening is an indication of love and respect and can deter unintended hurt feelings and quarrels.
Importance of Expressing Personal Feelings
Dr. Fillmore explains that an individual can express their needs and feelings using “I” statements. For instance, a person should say “I feel tired from doing all this work alone” rather than “You never assist me with this work.” “I” statements can help an individual avoid reproach and defensiveness, which can harm their connections (Fillmore, 2010).
Ephesians 4:29 is a scripture passage that backs this skill. It states, “Do not allow distasteful talk to come from your tongue, but only that which is important to those who listen and build others according to their needs.” Simply, words have power, and instead of using them to tear others down, people should use them to support and edify others.
Resolving vs. Avoiding Problems
Finally, Dr. Fillmore encourages couples to seek solutions together rather than avoiding them. She indicates that couples must assess the pros and cons of each other, brainstorm possible solutions, and select the most appropriate for them (Fillmore, 2010). In addition, she suggests that they should make adjustments and follow up on their arrangements as needed (Fillmore, 2010). Couples can strengthen their cooperation and trust in their relationship by collaborating to solve their issues.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 elaborates on this skill: “When one of them falls, the other can help the other get back up, hence two is better than one in terms of labor efficiency. Nevertheless, feel sorry for anyone who trips and falls and can’t get aid.” The verse stresses that couples are much happier and stronger when they team up rather than work alone.
Reference
Fillmore, D. M. (2010). Marriage problems – communication for couples –marriage counseling made easy. YouTube.