Introduction
Dating and partner selection are critical issues in family sociology and have constantly been evolving in the theoretical description from the beginning of the last century to the present day. Although, formally, researchers have always focused on the formation of a marriage union, the study of extramarital romantic relationships has become necessary due to its unpredictability and lack of order. Sociologists now and in the past try to categorize the forces that primarily attract partners of different genders and sexual orientations and the mechanisms that contribute to long-term, stable, and satisfying relationships. This paper examines three articles from different decades, describing the phenomena of dating and partner selection, and gives their comparative characteristics. Finally, a personal assessment is given of these theories with a subjective choice of the most appropriate and adequate, in my opinion.
1960’s
Family sociology and related sciences that study, in one way or another, the romantic relationships of people until the 1990s were focused entirely on the process of the so-called courtship continuum, which was perceived as the pre-wedding period. In their article, Moss, Apolonio, and Jensen, at the dawn of the seventies, tried to classify this process into three components: courtship development, dating behavior and satisfactions, and mate selection (1971). The concept of the continuum was introduced seven years earlier by Burchinal, who clearly distinguished between dating and courtship itself – the latter was the right path to the wedding (Moss, Apolonio & Jensen, 1971). The article also highlights the differences in these concepts by examining the nature of dating through the prism of their history stretching back from the 1920s to American colleges. Age becomes one of the critical determinants: as they grow older, dating develops into a courtship continuum, and the behavior of adults and young people differs more than when comparing other groups in terms of characteristics.
1980’s
The term courtship slowly began to fade away, giving way to the more scientific but dry “pre-wedding relationship development.” The Journal of Marriage and Family has a tradition of highlighting significant trends in this science every decade with a related article. Surra became responsible for the eighties and showed that the main themes were not only relationships leading to marriage but those that are constantly in a state of premarital (1990). Differentiation of studies has become wider: now, more factors are being studied that can affect these processes. These include the influence of the public, social roles, trends, behavioral traits, and up to the individual characteristics of partners (Surra, 1990). The emphasis of this period is focused on actions that lead to dynamics in relationships: both constructive and destructive.
1990’s
Literally, in the next decade, the emphasis shifts to the consequences of relationships and attempts to study the process of interaction between partners in detail. In this case, interdisciplinary research comes into play with the involvement of psychology, biology, and many other sciences. For example, a new theory of interdependence is being created that offers a logical analysis of any situation within a relationship using six dimensions (Rusbult & Van Lange, 2003). Relationships are increasingly viewed through the prism of potential violence, injustice, and even more rarely concerning a wedding, as the only logical goal of any interaction between partners. Rusbult & Van Lange consider the specifics of social norms, the dynamics of adaptation, and the processes of interdependence, which often contradict the logical outcome of events within the framework of common sense (2003). At the same time, this article tries, with the help of this model, to find a balance in the motives of each partner in a situation between long-term goals and momentary emotional feelings.
Singlism
Singlism in family sociology has retained its significance throughout the history of this science, but in society, the dynamics have been highly changeable. Moreover, it should be noted that the differences were differentiated not only by periods of decades but also by gender, age, religion, and national groups (Kaiser & Kashy, 2005). Concerning women, discrimination based on marriage was at a very high level in the 60s and has gradually subsided to the present day, in line with societal norms that are the primary determinant of singlism (Kaiser & Kashy, 2005). The remnants of stereotypes, which are in direct proportion and strength with age, are carried to the present day and in different cultures with approximately the same dynamics (Kaiser & Kashy, 2005). The effects of this phenomenon can lead to psychological problems and stigma, but today they are not considered worthy of attention as a problem that can be put on a par with drug use, racial discrimination, and other ills of society.
Similarities
It can be said that what unites trends in the study of dating and choosing a partner is the goal researchers have always been looking for in relationship dynamics. They agreed on the idea that any interactions between partners are impermanent, depend on a considerable number of factors, and should be studied after the fact. The identification of behavioral models contributed to the pushes in related disciplines, just as psychology often accompanied discoveries in family sociology. Although the emphasis on interdisciplinarity was closer to the new millennium, similar trends were observed earlier when behavioral concepts were linked in the context of the courtship continuum (Moss, Apolonio & Jensen, 1971). In that practice, the specificity of the phenomenon has always noticeably preceded theory, which is a unifying feature: studies have rarely sought to build universal models to predict the outcome of relationships according to some factors.
Differences
Differences were observed in the form of relationships tracked: if earlier the emphasis was on the wedding as the lovers’ only goal, then studies have diversified over the decades. Moreover, not only positive factors and models of behavior but also destructive ones began to be studied. The influence of external factors was constantly expanding, and the specifics were gradually reduced from broad systematizations to the construction of algorithms for analyzing specific situations. By the way, dates, as before, were not identified with an event that naturally leads to the development of relationships, but their study has developed from a retrospective to the construction of experiments and theories. Directly choosing a partner, as the anthropological sciences developed, acquired more and more potential areas for study in terms of relationships, which also diversified from only heterosexual to many others.
Contrast to Current Trends
Modern research in this area is becoming more liberal in the concept of relationships themselves, which is why the field is significantly expanding, opening up space for previously unexplored specific relationships. These include racial and sexual minorities, non-binary persons, same-sex marriages, and many others that have not previously been given attention in science. However, the most studied trend is online communication, which in its essence, has several distinctive features from the classical forms of interaction while associated with both new opportunities and risks (Schwartz & Velotta, 2018). Accordingly, a significant shift is taking place in the interdisciplinary research field, where computer science is now the dominant player. Many social theories either wholly or partially do not adapt to a new type of communication, external factors are now heavily tied to the technical capabilities of hardware and software, and the transformations of the dating and partner selection process will be studied in detail only after a while: after full-fledged practice.
The Best Theory
In my subjective opinion, the theories of the past decades naturally become obsolete over time, which is noticeable in their differences and comparison with modern trends. The transition to creating algorithms for assessing specific situations has a much more noticeable applied meaning than attempts at behavioral classifications. Solving an individual problem for a person with a family psychologist will give a better chance of building healthy relationships and a family where these values ​​will be passed on to children. It is not so important what innate characteristics a person has in a relationship since only character traits that contribute to constructive or destructive behavior in each situation are essential. In this regard, it seems necessary to work in the direction that Rusbult & Van Lange laid down, constantly adapting science to new social norms, technological developments, and any other external factors.
Conclusion
The choice of a partner and dating cannot be algorithmized in order to achieve any specific goals, there is always a place for an emotional inconstant component. All attempts to describe this process are possible only in retrospect and in certain approximations. However, even today, many theories are applied in nature, which serve to protect people from violence, and risks and promote healthy relationships as much as possible. In any case, it is pragmatic to be guided by theory when choosing a life partner, but a person is a creature that can feel, and not just calculate. While researchers will be far from a deep understanding of the mechanisms of sympathy and love, taking into account all the individual characteristics of a person, family sociology will be just as far from a unique systematization or comprehensive theory.
References
Kaiser, C. R., & Kashy, D. A. (2005). The contextual nature and function of singlism. Psychological Inquiry, 16(2/3), 122-126. Web.
Moss, J. J., Apolonio, F., & Jensen, M. (1971). The premarital dyad during the sixties. Journal of Marriage and Family, 33(1), 50-69. Web.
Rusbult, C. E., & Van Lange, P. A. (2003). Interdependence, interaction, and relationships. Annual Review of Psychology, 54(1), 351-375. Web.
Schwartz, P., & Velotta, N. (2018). Online dating: Changing intimacy one swipe at a time?. In Families and technology (pp. 57-88). Springer, Cham. Web.
Surra, C. A. (1990). Research and theory on mate selection and premarital relationships in the 1980s. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 844-865. Web.