This essay is written by Jacquelyn Rabe and it addresses the issue of gender stereotypes in relation to children’s toys. According to the writer, it is inappropriate to assign children gender-specific toys. The essay argues that children should be allowed to play with toys of their choice.
The writer begins the essay by giving a personal story that relates to stereotyping and toys. The author gives instances where children find themselves as victims of ridicule and judgment because of their choice in toys. The essay also addresses various elements that are fuelling negative stereotypes when it comes to children’s toys. This paper is an analysis of Rabe’s essay “Toys Are Not Us”.
The most prominent feature of this essay is its informal nature. The author adopts an informal tone in the essay right from the start. For instance, the essay’s thesis starts with the words ‘I think’ thereby setting up the informal tone of the essay. Using an informal tone disqualifies the essay from being a good scholarly article. Personal opinions should not be integrated into scholarly or formal essays.
The essay is addressing a formal issue (toys and gender stereotypes) and this leaves little room for personal opinions in the essay. In addition, the author has used several professional voices in the essay as references. The informal tone in the essay is manifested by the writer’s constant use of “I”.
Using a formal tone in the essay would have made the writer’s opinion more solid and authoritative. Another problem with using personal and informal opinions in the essay is that the writer does not offer any credentials that would make her an authority on the subject of her choice.
The arrangement of the paragraphs in the essay is not effective. For instance, the first and second sentences in the essay do not support the writer’s main argument. For example, the first sentence in the second paragraph begins by stating that toy stores are the main contributors to stereotyping. This sentence is not in line with the writer’s main argument that children should be allowed to play with toys of their choice.
Consequently, this sentence is not a suitable ‘topic sentence’ but it would be more appropriate as additional information. The problem of topic sentences is replicated in other paragraphs such as in the third paragraph where the writer begins by stating the views of someone else.
Instead, the writer should have started with an appropriate topic sentence that included her own views and then proceeded to back them up with information from other sources. Furthermore, the paragraphs in this essay do not transition appropriately. In some instances, the views of the writer are mixed up and repeated in subsequent paragraphs.
The writer does not exhaust her discussion in one paragraph before going on to the next one. This is the case in paragraphs three and four where the writer discusses a similar issue. The writer should have considered grouping issues into separate paragraphs. This would make the essay easy to synthesize for the readers.
The outside information that is used in the essay is not appropriately cited. For example, the essay mentions things that Bennhold has stated without supplying the appropriate citations.
In the third paragraph, the writer begins by writing two sentences about Bennhold’s views but they are not cited or referenced. All information from outside sources should be cited even if it is used several times throughout the essay. The essay also includes several grammatical errors and cases of poor sentence structures.