Emotional Extrinsic Punishment
Extrinsic punishment is not only insults and humiliation but also a variety of interactions that make a person consider himself not good enough and doubt himself, their thoughts, and ideas. Like physical punishment, emotional extrinsic punishment increases the risk of depressive disorders in adolescence and adulthood. It raises anxiety, distances parents from their children, and makes them more withdrawn and distrustful.
Shame
For example, due to the acute need for self-expression, a child with OCD dyes his hair brightly. Mom begins to shame them, saying that the child is discrediting her in front of the neighbors. Because of shame, the child begins to feel wrong and unworthy of parental love. That leads to problems with self-esteem and relationships with others both in childhood and adulthood. Moreover, an appeal to shame does not help the child understand how to act in the future. The phrase about how they can do this to their mother does not teach them an adequate manner of communication.
Comparison
As an extrinsic punishment, parents can also use a comparison to motivate a child. A mother may say that a friend’s child never dyes her hair in strange colors, unlike her child. In fact, it does not motivate the child, but makes them feel ashamed and think that they are not good enough for parental love. Ultimately, comparison can lead to problems with self-esteem and a lack of self-belief, and a constant thirst for approval.
Silence
Another component of extrinsic punishment is the torture of silence. For example, a mother may accuse a child of misconduct but not tell them which one and stop talking to them. When a child tries to find out what they did wrong, their question is ignored. Often, the parent waits for the child to apologize for the offense. In such a situation, they feel guilty, helpless, and rejected. Silence as an extrinsic punishment does not help the child to draw conclusions from the situation but only teaches him to adjust to the feelings of an adult.