Introduction
Social scientists have described family bonding to be a significant factor in mutual relationships among the populace. The strengthening of the family and the reinforcement of these values thus has both religious and societal significance (Shaye, 1999). The Jews culture is one of the cultural contexts in which family values take the central focus.
By definition, the term Jew refers to any person who subscribes to and is an inherent member of the Judaism religion. More clearly, Jews are typically members of a worldwide group of people whose religion is mainly Judah. Ideally, they are representative of a diverse and rich cultural group who are believed to be the descendants of the ancient Hebrews and who are the conventional adherents of the Jewish religion (Sharot, 2007). As a matter of fact, the Jewish community is one of the greatest cultural societies and whose rich culture is rooted in the Judaism religion, among other rich and unique cultural values and practices. One of the typical and unique points of the Jewish culture is the family and home. The paper, therefore, presents a perspective of the Jewish culture with a bias to the family.
The Jewish family
In the Jewish culture – both in the classical and the ancient time – the family formed and still is a basic unit of the society and whose role in the sustenance and development of the societal value/ culture is critical. The family home among the Jews and which was strongly built on the tenets of Judaism was formed by the basic union between a man and a woman. It is from this basic union therefore that children were/are brought forth to extend the family, the children of whom are referred to as Jews depending on the context of Judaism and the composition of the parents (Shaye, 1999). As such, a child can only be considered a Jew in the context of conventional Jewish culture where the mother is a Jew; characterizing the mother in the traditional Jewish cultural context as a typically domineering mother. In Reform Judaism or rather the classical Jewish culture, however, a child whose either parent (whether the mother or the father) is Jewish qualifies to be a Jew (Zelizer, 1995).
In effect, the importance of the Jewish tradition of marriage cannot be overemphasized. In fact, the traditional marriages are taken with very great significance and greatly supported by the conventional Hebrew marriage laws as it is considered the leeway to building up the most basic unit yet critical for the existence, sustenance, and development of the Jewish society. According to Paula (2001), in reference to the Jewish thought culture and values, a union between a man and a woman is taken with the same intensity, importance, and value which are taken as a representation of the relationship between man and the creator (God). As a result, God or rather the divine/ supernatural power is believed to be the force behind marriage and the power unionizing a Jewish man and a Jewish woman.
The basic objective or rather the underlying factor in the establishment of a family in the Jewish culture is to have and bring up children within an environment that promotes good Jewish cultural values, customs, and principles. Irrespective of the fact that the nuclear family is the most central form of family in both the ancient and classical Jewish culture (modern Judaism), the extended family and polygamous families are also recognized and equally significant societal units especially for the sustenance of Judaism culture (Samuel, 1998). Since the Jewish family exists on the firm ground of Judaism the latter of which is the dominant religion among the Jews, the family serves as a basic unit via which such religious values and beliefs are enhanced most of which emulate the life, times, and the Law of Moses (Shaye, 1999). As a result, the male children of the Jewish family are initiated on the eighth day of their birth, closely and consistently observes the Passover, hosting of feasts, observation of the Sabbath, offering animal sacrifices to seek forgiveness for the sins committed within the family set up and ask God to shower blessings on the family among other functions typical to the Jewish religious practices.
The Jewish mother
Mothering in the context of the traditional Jewish culture and family forms a distinctive point of reference in relation to the Jewish cultural perspective. In effect, a Jewish mother is characteristically domineering hence the origin of a subject that is philosophically referred to as the Jewish mother stereotype (Paula, 2001). In order to understand the characteristic of a conventional Jewish mother and get to know the factor that forms the tenets of the Jewish mother stereotype, Paula (2001), reviews the inherent characteristics and roles of the mother in the Jewish family set up. According to Paula, the basis of the Jewish mother’s stereotype is mainly the domineering character and the exaggerated mother’s involvement with the children. However, the critic of the Jewish mother stereotype have argued that it is on the basis of the stereotype that
the Jewish culture is strongly established due to the critical role that the stereotypic mother plays particularly in bringing upon children. This argument is greatly supported by the fact that the family is a significant source of steadiness in Jewish life and that the family presents an ideal foundation and an ingredient of Jewish social mobility and cultural development. As a result, the domineering mother’s role, as well as her exaggerated involvement with the children, is an important aspect of the family; the latter of which is critical in the Jewish cultural context.
Tzvi (2009) however argues that it is only when the stereotype of the Jewish mother is viewed as a misrepresentation of facts that people can appreciate the important roles that the stereotypic mother plays in enhancing the Jewish cultural values. The stereotypic Jewish mother is therefore praised for her ability to care for the children particularly in her warmness, her great involvement and closeness with her children, her ability to entrench the knowledge and believe that are awe-inspiring and extraordinary; all of which forms the extra ordinal talents that parents who wish to bring up quality children and in the right environment can borrow a leaf from. Therefore, unlike in classical parenting where mothers can leave their children in pursuance of careers, the mother’s role in the ancient Jewish cultural context is typically to bring up her children according to the values, customs, and principles of Judaism.
The Jewish father
Although facts reveal that the mother is much domineering in the conventional Jewish cultural context, the father’s role in the classical Jewish family is equally significant. However, a typical Jewish father plays a lesser role and is greatly domineered by the mother especially in matters that involve the raising of children (Moskowitz, 2004). Fathers are less involved with their children. In the ancient Jewish culture the lesser position attributed to the father is clearly demonstrated by the fact that a child can only be recognized as a Jew and admitted to the religion of Judah only in circumstances where the mother of the child is herself a Jew (Tzvi, 2009). As a result, if a non-Jewish father bears a child with a non-Jewish mother, the sibling would (in the context of the ancient Jewish cultural principles) not be recognized as a Jew: a fact that shows how less in the family the father is viewed in the ancient Jew’s culture. In contrast, in classical Judaism, attempts have been made to alleviate the position of a Jewish father in the family especially in recognition of children of the discordant Jewish marriages (marriages between Jews and non-Jews) (Samuel, 1998). Such children born of such marriages are under the modern Judaism recognized as Jews as long as any of the parents i.e. either the father, the mother, or both are Jews.
Significance of family in Jewish culture: Judaism festivals
Apart from raising children, serving as an impetus of the Jewish social mobile and the center of the society, the important social and religious roles that a family and a home play in the Jewish cultural setup need not be overemphasized. First, the observation of Judaism and which is inculcated in the family set up offers an opportunity to the family members to share this exceptional atmosphere together each Friday evening at home. Such festivities included the typical observation of the Sabbath which is referred to as the “Shabbat” in Hebrew” and which is held every Friday evening in Jewish homes (Zelizer, 1995). The observation of the Sabbath, which takes place in the family set up creating an ideal platform in which the family members can have great times together, is passionately described as one of the greatest contributions of Judaism to Jewish culture.
According to Zelizer (1995), the observation of the Sabbath commences at sunset on Friday and goes on until sunset on Saturday. All through this time family celebrations ensues in round tables clobbered with characteristic magnificence including the lighting of the Friday candles. As the Friday night candles are lit, the presentation of the lovely blessing creates a significant saintly and poignant connection with cohort past. On this occasion, a cup of wine symbolizing happiness and family union is raised with all the members present either reciting or at times emotionally singing the “Kiddush”( a Hebrew word that describes traditional blessing hymns). The hymns then end with a recital of the prayer “Blessed is our Eternal God, Ruler of the Universe, who creates the fruit of the vine.” At this point therefore unity of the family is fostered as all the family members around the table including children drinks from small cups of wine. Afterward, chants and recital of the prayer take center stage before the main meal is finally served.
The lighting of Friday night candles and the celebration of the Sabbath is a characteristic inherent in the Jewish culture and which has been preserved over the Jewish generations. As a matter of fact, the practice has been performed each Friday night, generation after generation, in a tradition that goes back thousands of years. According to Sharot (2007), the cheerfulness of Judaism boosts love in families.
In fact, the majority of Jews who were brought up in families where the festivities and observation of the Sabbath were closely carried out can undoubtedly attest to the fact that such played a major role in inculcating family values and union (Shaye, 1999). As a result, proponents of modern Judaism assert that those Jews who did have the opportunity to enjoy the magnificence of the Jewish Judaism celebration in their early ages still had the opportunity to experience them in present Judaism since the practices are inherent in the Jewish culture and had been preserved carious the Jewish generating. Consequently, the individuals (Modern Jews) have a live chance to create memories of such merriments; both for their families and themselves.
Moreover, the family and home offer the Jews an ideal platform for observing and celebrating a host of other magnificent holidays that are central to the Jewish culture and which to fosters strong bonds, love, and affection among the Jewish family. In fact, such holidays bring unmatched closeness and love among the Jewish families, further entrenching the family as one of the strongest and the most valued units in the Jewish cultural context. According to Sharot (2007), the home also plays a central role in the celebration of many Jewish holidays, engendering warm feelings among families and friends. Such holiday includes the Passover, the Jewish High Holy Days–Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur–the Jewish New Year and the Day of Atonement holidays which just like the Sabbath, commences at sunset on the eve of the actual day and in which family meals are served prior to the evening synagogue service. In the festivals, Apples and honey are habitually served as a sign of the anticipation that the coming year will be a good one. These and many other events most of which are celebrated in a family set up have played a great role in inculcating a culture of family unity, love, and affectionate parenting among the Jews.
In addition, the high significance of a family in the Jewish cultural context borrows a lot from the Ten Commandments from the old testaments just as the one that directs children to honor their parents, thou shall not covet other people wives and husband and directive against committing adultery all of which are observed and used to build strong families built on the strong thesis of Judaism.
Family therapy in a Jewish family
The Jewish culture is typically conservative particularly in matters of religion and the family. In fact, the two are characteristically the strongest cultural institutions in the Jewish culture the latter of which are virtually impeccable. This is greatly evidenced by the fact that there are little changes if any that have taken place in relation to the mode in which the Jewish families are constituted and ran as well as their committed nature in subscribing to the Jewish religion. Ideally, the Jews believe in their culture and respective unique practices particularly the family and the way they bring up children, the mother’s critical role, and celebration of the family. As a result, working with the Jewish families may be both easy as well as a daunting challenge depending on the respective relationship and interaction with the Jews. For a non-Jew for instance, working with a Jewish family is likely to be such a challenge particularly because the individual is more likely to be faced by unprecedented prejudice, hollow effect, and the worst rejection particularly on the basis of rigidity that is greatly exhibited among the Jews.
On the other hand, it would be easier for a Jew to work with the families since he will be accepted in the first instance. Also, he will have stead ahead in understanding the beliefs, practices, and modes of socialization among the Jews, which are crucial in enhancing the person’s position to put an impact in the rigid Jewish family cultural context. The most ideal technique for effective working with the Jewish families is conforming to all aspects of the Jewish culture which would mean that the therapist, counselor, or person would have to pretend into a Jew if at all he is not one. This means that the basic approach would be to appreciate the Jewish Culture irrespective of the fact that the counselor may be aware of faults concerning them. The counselor must be excellent in appreciation and management of cultural diversity between the Jews and others or even his own if at all he is a non-Jew.
Condemning the Jewish culture and practices is likely to offend them, causing biasness and a hallow effect in visualizing the counselor and often leading to rejection rendering the whole process ineffective (Shaye, 1999). Failure to appreciate the Jews and their culture is most likely to make them feel alienated and offended which may culminate in the latter getting defensive thus rejecting the person/ counselor. Furthermore, a counselor/ family therapist must have ideal interpersonal relationship-building and management skills to make working with the Jews efficient. Similarly, good interpersonal relations thrive in an environment that is characterized by effectual interpersonal communication skills, appreciation of diversity rather than condemnation as well as points of shared interests.
A counselor while working with a Jewish family is likely to meet unprecedented challenges. First, it is a daunting challenge to break the rigidity of the Jewish culture particularly in the matter of family and religion. Characteristically, the members of the Jewish society are very conservative and highly resultant to change hence it would be difficult on the part of the counselor to convince them otherwise or concerning anything outside their beliefs (Shaye, 1999). Furthermore, it is very difficult for the Jews to accept ideas no matter how good they may be from non-Jews; hence the latter is likely to face express rejection (Sharot, 2007). Counselors must be ready to appreciate and conform to the subscriptions of the Jewish culture to be effective. Therefore, they can either approach the Jews using the integral members of the culture or conform to the religion themselves if they are to make an impact in their work.
Significance of family therapy
Irrespective of the fact that family therapy may not be appreciated particularly in the Jewish family, It is indeed a relevant idea in any family context whatsoever (Sholevar, 2003). According to the latter, despite the family environment at hand, problems or shortcomings are bound to exist in it. As such, the need for family counseling which is the core practice in family therapy cannot be overemphasized. Ideally, family therapy provides an ideal solution for faults and challenges that typical and modern families face in their day-to-day existence ranging from interfamily members’ conflicts to problems in fitting into the society that the family exists.
Conclusion
The importance of a family and home in the Jewish culture is evident both in the seriousness in which marriage, parenting, and fostering of family happiness are taken in the Jewish cultural context. Furthermore, family unions and bonds are greatly enhanced through the cerebration of the many Judaism practices such as the Sabbath and the lighting of the Friday candle, the Passover and many others. In fact, the centrality of the family and the human values has been greatly fostered by the Judaism celebrations all of which are celebrated in the family set up. Irrespective of the fact that Judaism does not claim exceptionality in its stress on the family and the home, the warmness in which the Jewish stress on family and the festivity of Judaism in the home context plays a major role in strengthening the family and culture among the Jews (Shaye, 1999).
Ideally, most of the Jewish parents have realized that taking good care of their children including ensuring quality education will undoubtedly come with many long terms and positive benefits including which have particularly been fostered by the good parenting Jewish environment as well as the acts of observing the festivities of Judaism in the home set up. Therefore, other cultures should not keep on faulting the Jewish culture for rigidity but the unique Jewish culture offers points that other cultures can emulate; particularly the family and parenting. Family therapy in the Jewish cultural context may be difficult due to the rigid nature of the Jews. However, it can be made effective via good interpersonal relationship building and maintenance skills on the part of the counselors. It is very necessary since no family is devoid of problems including a Jewish family.
Reference list
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