Marriage and family problem is one of the most ambiguous questions as it highly depends on the individual factor. It is impossible to work out a perfect formula that would allow spouses to live a long and happy family life as what works successfully with some couples does not necessarily work with others. Meanwhile, there is a series of issues the speculation upon which might help one avoid potential difficulties.
To begin with, one should necessarily note that the first years of marriage often turn out to be a real challenge for spouses. It may take them quite a period to get adjusted to the new set of things, both physically and psychologically. As a rule, one of the principal reasons for a difficult adaptation is the initially inflated requirements of one of the spouses or even both of them.
For example, one might have made up a perfect idea of the married life, and every discrepancy between the reality and the expected image disappoints the person. In order to prevent this problem, one is to learn to make adequate expectations.
Thus, in case one’s vision of a family life implies a principally new lifestyle pattern that includes the radical personal changes or the change of the partner’s character, habits, behavior, one should reject this kind of expectation as delusional assumptions. Practice shows that such problems are particularly frequent in couples that have no experience of living together before marriage.
Another problem one might face in the first years of marriage is the unwillingness to adapt to the new environment. A large percentage of couples do not plan to change their habitual scheme of life after the marriage. Nevertheless, married life automatically requires one to adjust to the partner’s mood, activity, and temper.
This transformation is normally less painful and problematic on the condition that it is performed by both sides. The key idea is that one should not consider the necessity to change as an unpleasant obligation or as a threat of losing one’s individuality. Instead, one might focus on the positive impact this transformation will have on the marriage. It is also crucial that the adjustment process is performed on a voluntary basis – the person does not ask the partner to change in return.
Whether it is the first years of marriage or a twenty-year period, some couples face the problem of being misunderstood and underestimated. People frequently complain they feel lonely even though they are physically not alone. The lack of communication can be determined by various factors. The first frequent reason is the initial lack of common interests that used to be replaced by the excess of romantic emotions at the earlier stages.
Unfortunately, the situation when spouses realize their incompatibility is rather widespread. Another possible reason for the communicational problem might be a temporarily lost connection between the spouses. A couple that spends all the time together might adopt a particular communicational scenario that implies a list of sample topics and questions that are day by day discussed.
It sometimes happens that permanent stress and tiredness prevent the spouses from including new questions on the list; thus, they keep on speaking about the habitual subjects and neglecting the things that truly worry them. The loss of connection can also be provoked by the inability of one of the spouses to listen to the partner.
For example, one of the partners constantly misinterprets the words of the other and turns them into a motive for a reproach, jealousy, quarrel, or some other negative expression. Therefore, it is important that spouses learn to listen not only attentively but effectively as well. It means that while being a listener, one should concentrate on the partner’s feelings and interests instead of focusing on the inner emotions.
As has been stated above, there is no absolute recipe that would be able to guarantee a good marriage life. The following aspect is particularly significant while dealing with the gender role problem. This question is differently interpreted in different cultures, and its understanding largely depends on the national mentality.
Whatever the vision of the gender responsibilities and rights is, it is important to keep in mind that the traditional approach to the family values and gender roles has been present in a particular culture for a long period of time. Therefore, one might be much more dependable on the national mentality than he or she initially presume.
Unfortunately, these kinds of convictions are almost impossible to come over; hence, it is highly recommended that the partners express their opinions on gender roles as precisely as possible from the very beginning. In fact, the gender role question is not likely to become a problem if both partners interpret it in the same manner.
The following course was very informative and useful. It is particularly important that the course materials did not imply the ready answers but made one speculate over the suggested problems and formulate personal conclusions. The course has let me work out the insights represented above that, I believe, can be applied to any person regardless of his or her cultural and family background.