Development of parenting skills
Description of Concrete Experience
My dad used to be liberal, allowing my brother and me to engage in various activities, and respecting our decisions. After completing high school, my father wanted me to study law, but I did not want to become a lawyer. All I had dreamt of since I was a kid was being a psychologist. After we discussed the issue with my father, he wanted me to go back to school. My parents never forced us to do house chores. Whenever we were involved in chores, it was by our own volition. My parents would request us to do something for them, and as far as I can recall, none of us would say no to them.
Reflections
My husband and I have adopted the philosophy used by our parents to raise our children. My husband has particularly been supportive of a liberal way of raising our children because his mother was very strict with him. I had always known that I would make a great parent but I did not know how I would accomplish it. I had learned a couple of things from my parents by the way I used to relate to them, and by observing how they addressed issues relating to my siblings. With the experience that I have had with both my son and my younger sister, I am confident that the way we are raised by our parents has a great influence on how we raise our children.
Generalizations, Principles, & Theories
Parenting is a learning activity whereby both parents learn from their parents, friends, media, and each other. The parenting skills that one adopts have a significant impact on the future life of his/her children. It is therefore important that parents adopt the best parenting skills for their children. In our case, we have learned a lot from our circle of friends who are mostly parents like us. I have learned that it is better to learn from other people’s mistakes rather than wait to learn from your own mistakes. One couple we are friends with had developed the habit of taking alcohol at home when their children were close to teenage. Now, their son, who was nine at that time, is addicted to drugs. He dropped out of school last year and his parents suspect that he dabbles in drugs.
Testing and Application
Apart from learning from other parents, one’s own experience is important in the development of parental skills. When my son was two years old, we used to share our bed with him. One night he fell from the bed and hurt his wrist. After that accident, my husband blamed it all on me and reminded me that it was my responsibility to protect my son from such incidences. Although I knew he was wrong in blaming my son’s accident on me, I have always been watchful to ensure that my children are not exposed to any kind of danger. An example is the several times I was forced to go swimming when my son was two to ensure that he was safe.
Role of parental values in child development
Description of Concrete Experience
One of the greatest parenting sacrifices that my husband and I have had to make is to hide our undesirable attitudes and characters. Although it is sometimes challenging, we always ensure that our children do not know about our undesirable attitudes and characters, as we strive to beat them. I have personally struggled with smoking for a long time, and I am proud that none of my children are going to adopt that habit at least for now. I was always careful with my smoking. I always made sure that I did not do it around my children, and I am happy that it worked well.
Reflections
My husband and I are trying to ensure that our children grow up to be responsible individuals by making sure that we practice responsible behavior around them. We always make sure that the house is tidy, that we promptly attend to errands and that our children are taken care of well. We have both been in commendable employment since our children were born, and we occasionally discuss how vital it is to attend to important things. That way, I know that our children have learned the importance of being responsible individuals. As responsible individuals, our children will be able to achieve success in several aspects of their lives.
Generalizations, Principles, & Theories
Parental values are arguably the most important component of parenting. Children tend to copy the attitudes and values of their parents when growing up and thus a large percentage of children grow up to develop the same dispositions as their parents. One of the most important values that my husband and I have ensured that our children grow up with is spirituality. Since my son was born, we always made sure that we never missed church on Sunday. The value of spirituality makes children to learn being sociable, which also helps them become emotionally mature. These are important values in various aspects of life. Being involved in the activities of the church can also make children discover talents like singing and effective public speaking.
Testing and Application
To play the role of parenting well, my husband and I ensured that our children abstain from pervasion. While our children are still kids, we always ensured that we strictly regulate and keep a keen eye on their television time. This is especially because the media can sometimes air content that is inappropriate for children. In addition to this, children tend to neglect their school work when they watch too much television. It is also important to talk to children about issues that affect their lives, especially those that can have a huge impact on their future. This is because children can interpret silence on some issues as permission to go ahead with them. An example of such an issues is drug abuse.
Methods of effective guidance
Description of Concrete Experience
My husband and I talk to our children about almost anything with a view of ensuring that they have a good focus on the things that matter in life. We particularly talk to them about how important it is to maintain discipline and be responsible while focusing on their education. On several occasions, we have mentioned to them how important it is to work hard at school to secure their future. Apart from this, we talk to them about the physiological changes occurring in their bodies.
Reflections
Even though constant guidance by parents is important to children, it is important to note that the same should not be overdone. Parents who overdo the role of guidance may experience resistance from their children because their children may feel that their parents are controlling their lives. My husband and I have always ensured that we only intervene in situations that may substantially affect the lives of our children if not addressed.
Generalizations, Principles, & Theories
Children need to be effectively guided for them to have successful adult lives. A couple of methods can be used to guide children effectively. The first is holding discussions with them about the important aspects of their life. Another method of ensuring that children are effectively guided is by making sure that discipline has its role in the family. Children should be nurtured to develop good morals by disciplining them appropriately when they do wrong, and by ensuring that they, too, understand why they are being disciplined. This is because, for discipline to have its desired effect on children, it has to be administered in the right way.
An important thing to note about discipline is that there has to be an understanding between the person being disciplined and the person administering it. Thus if the person being disciplined takes it negatively, the disciplinary actions may fuel bad behavior instead of helping the person being disciplined develop good behavior.
Testing and Application
Role modeling can also be used by parents in guiding their children. As mentioned above, my husband and I have always ensured that we behave responsibly at home. That way, our children have learned a couple of values including being organized, responsible, and managing their time well. In addition to this, we also ensure that the undesirable aspects of our characters are not easily discernible. This is meant to ensure that our children do not copy these undesirable aspects of our lives.
Discipline versus punishment
Description of Concrete Experience
There is a big difference between discipline and punishment. Punishment seeks to inflict pain in children as a payment for the mistakes they have done. On the other hand, discipline is a denial of a treasured aspect of children’s’ life to help them realize that they have done wrong. My experience with my children is that discipline works well in ensuring that children do not commit the same mistakes over and over again. My husband and I have been using denial of treasured activities as a disciplinary measure on our children. This has proved to be an effective method because our children do not want to miss their favorite activities due to the mistakes they do. They, therefore, avoid disciplinary issues because they do not want to miss out on the aforementioned activities.
Reflections
In my case, the punishment was rarely physical and it mostly took the form of denial of favors and withdrawal of treasured assets and activities like laptops and games. This form of punishment that is accepted by both the person giving it out and the person being punished is what is referred to as discipline.
Generalizations, Principles, & Theories
Among the main parenting issues in which some parents fail is discipline. Some parents usually avoid punishing their children because they think that punishing them will make the children hate them. Disciplining of children ensures that the children do not repeat mistakes for which they are punished. Equally wrong is the excessive punishment that makes children think that they are being unfairly punished. If children are given severe punitive measures, they are likely to grow rebellious and engage in activities meant to anger their parents. This way, the parents will have aided the irresponsible behavior in their children.
Testing and Application
At one time, my friend beat up his son for going on a drinking spree with his friends until the son was hospitalized. This happened when the son was fifteen. After this incident, which attracted a lot of rebuke from friends and relatives of the father, the son continued his drinking habits being aware that his father had learned his lesson, and the latter would not dare touch him. The son has grown to an alcoholic, and although he has a successful career, one can only guess that he would be more successful if he was not the heavy drinker he is. It is therefore of the essence for parents to learn how to properly discipline their children without unfairly punishing them because the latter can have serious effects on the children.
Parenting styles
Description of Concrete Experience
The parenting style I was brought up with is the permissive style of parenting. My father was liberal in his way of parenting. He always respected our decisions and advised us as much as he could when he thought we were taking the wrong path. It is however important to note that in this style of parenting, parents may decide to lay some ground rules. These rules are normally liberal, and thus parents do not need to enforce them for them to be followed strictly.
The trust that children are accorded by their parents in this parenting style tends to work in most cases. Children know that their parents expect them to act responsibly and to make good choices in life, and thus they mostly end up being responsible individuals. Parents do not maintain a tight hold on their children, and thus the children get used to making major decisions in their lives. This proves to be instrumental in later stages in life because the children can manage their lives.
Reflections
I must admit that my favorite parenting style authoritative style that is more inclined to the permissive style than the authoritarian style. My husband is also an authoritative parent, and he values the promotion of responsible behavior in children by fair punishment of misdeeds. On the other hand, my friends who use the authoritarian style of parenting have been successful parents because they have helped their children to discover themselves slowly. Children are responsible for their actions, and they can count on their parents for help when they need it. They have rules for their children, but they only set them if the rules are necessary.
Generalizations, Principles, & Theories
Parents normally have the option of choosing the parenting style to apply to their children. As such there are different commonly used parenting styles, some of which include permissive, authoritarian, and authoritative just to mention a few. In the permissive style of parenting, parents keep an eye on their children from a distance. That is, they allow their children to make their own decisions without interference. Another parenting style commonly used is the authoritarian style that is the opposite of the aforementioned permissive style. In the authoritarian style of parenting, guidelines and clear-cut rules are set, and children must abide by them. The children, therefore, have the choice of either abiding by the guidelines and rules or getting punished for being disobedient.
Testing and Application
Parents who adopt the permissive style of parenting may get used to letting their children live their lives, that they may fail to intervene when their children make wrong decisions. Although I never experienced this with my siblings, children can misuse the freedom they are given by their parents. The parents that I have seen use the authoritarian style of parenting are often frustrated because children can never fully abide by the rules.
My friends who use this type of parenting tend to replace the nurturing role of parenting with punishment, and they usually make decisions for them. This habit makes the children rebellious as they view parents as being dictatorial. The only upside of authoritarian parenting is that parents have full control over the activities of their children and thus they can closely watch the latter. This advantage is however counteracted by the rebellion of children because children may even run away from home. I would not recommend this type of parenting for any parent.
Contemporary challenges to effective parenting
Description of Concrete Experience
Being a parent may be easy but being a successful parent is perhaps the most challenging task. I have learned that the most challenging thing in parenthood is administering discipline and/or punishment. Many of my friends who are themselves parents have failed to distinguish the two and know the importance of discipline to parenthood. I have personally experienced the same challenge. When my children were young, I was often torn between disciplining them for some misdeeds and letting them be. Sometimes I even found myself intervening while their father was disciplining them because I thought what they had done did not qualify for punishment. Looking back now, I understand that discipline and punishment are the most challenging aspects of parenting.
Reflections
Parents who raise their children in a permissive style often fail to discipline their children properly, making it easier for their children to misuse the freedom they are given in self-destruction. On the other hand, parents who over-discipline their children may make the children rebellious. This often leaves parents in a dilemma as to what level of discipline or punishment should be administered to children. This has proved to be a challenge for contemporary parents because it is difficult to strike a balance between permissiveness and over-discipline.
Generalizations, Principles, & Theories
Parenthood comes in handy with several challenges. The first challenge is on the disciplinary action to be taken on different mistakes committed by the children. The internet and all its contents are yet another challenge that parents face as they raise their children.
Children are now getting unlimited information from the internet. The internet has also become a commercial frontier and a sharing platform. Another issue that has been a challenge to parenthood for ages is puberty and teenage dating. Parents often shy away from this issue, but it can potentially send all the efforts made by parents down the drain. Children need to be counseled on the subjects of teenage, dating, and sex. They need to be prepared before the influences of teenagers take root.
Testing and Application
About two years ago, my sister was always on social networking sites, and talking with her or even asking for her assistance in some house chores was a problem. My sister would get mad if someone interrupted her while she was tweeting or posting updates on Facebook. Children can also access services and goods that they could not access in the past courtesy of the internet. For instance, all kinds of trade are now being carried out on the internet and a child would only need to click on a computer mouse for illegal goods to be delivered to their doorstep.
Peer pressure has always been a challenge for parents. I remember that at a young age, my sister and her friends had developed a habit of sleeping at each other’s homes so frequently that their respective parents had to intervene. My sister would not spend three consecutive nights at home. This alarmed my parents, who contacted her friends’ parents and they met and resolved the issue. Her Facebook addiction can also be attributed to peer-pressure because it is common knowledge that her best friends would expect her to respond to updates about shared experiences. The worst form of peer pressure is perhaps pressure to be involved in vices like drug abuse and other related activities.