Premarital counseling is an important and challenging task, becoming more common as the current generation sees marriage as a very important step in their lives. Millennials are not getting married due to different priorities in their life. In this generation, work, career growth, and personal achievement come first before marriage, which makes them unable to get married at an early age. Therefore, couples counselors need to address and guide the clients towards mutual respect, love, and understanding, which are the foundations of healthy marriage and family.
The young people from the millennial generation are not getting married as they fear getting a divorce due to many cases in the courts. One of the critical aspects of preventing a crisis that can lead to a divorce is ensuring good communication between a couple. Feeling heard in a couple is essential for the growth and development of a healthy relationship. Without this feeling, one can feel lonely and isolated from its partner (Olson & Olsen, 2019). There are several reasons which can lead to bad communication. However, the first step that both partners have to make is learning how to listen and speak. It is important to remember that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” (Proverbs 18:21). Good and kind communication is a stepping stone to resolving many issues that arise throughout the life of a couple.
When starting a new relationship, some people may overlook the aspect of finances and money. Both extremes of such position may lead to further issues within a couple; hence, two aspects should be addressed here. First of all, both partners need to learn to talk about money in an open way (Deal, 2012). This builds trust within a relationship and often acts as a symbol of serious intentions. “For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?” (Luke 14:28). Secondly, financial burdens may act as obstacles to experiencing spiritual love and joy. Therefore, partners have to understand each other’s financial situation and support each other to meet common and personal desires. Indeed, money is not the most important thing in the relationship; nevertheless, it often acts as a source of dispute. Hence, partners should consider learning how to plan their finances together and reach agreements as a future family.
Conflict resolution is another essential skill that a couples counselor should be able to address. In premarital relationships as well as marriage, conflicts are a normal aspect, which is hard and unnecessary to avoid. Avoidance of conflict creates tension, which can resolve into a deep crisis. However, having a conflict may have negative consequences because conversations led by negative emotions can hurt a partner’s feelings. Hence, it is important to remember that “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1). Learning how to express one’s feelings and emotions in a harmless way increases conflict resolution skills.
Finally, couples may be negatively influenced by their in-laws or members of a family of origin. This issue should be discussed with partners or even with relatives in question, as it is mentioned in the Bible. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). This refers to the importance of a new family and a new union of a divine nature. Hence, it should be treated with love, respect, and understanding by partners and their families of origin.
References
Deal, R. L. (2012). Dating and the single parent. Bethany House Publishers.
Murphy, R. (1998). Proverbs. Thomas Nelson Inc.
Olson & Olsen, (2019). PREPARE/ENRICH. Minneapolis, MN: Life Innovations, Inc.