Communication
Good communication is important in any marriage in order for it to succeed. Good communication helps to avoid all forms of disrespect between the parties. Such forms of disrespect have been referred to as disrespectful judgments.
They include ridiculing, sarcasm, making statements in a judgmental way or making false accusations. In other words, proper communication is qualitative (Hampson, Prince, & Beavers, 2007).
Good communication may also be quantitative in that, having meaningful conversations with your couple several times in a day or week means that the marriage would be more successful than those not having enough dialogue as couples.
Good dialogue may also occur as couples engage in other activities. For example, couples may engage in meaningful dialogue while they help each other in doing the house chores, while taking a stroll or driving around.
I have personally watched how my parents maintain conversations almost everywhere they are. This has improved their relationship and has positively influenced me too. I plan to emulate them and make communication a vital tool in my relationships.
Empathy and sensitivity
For couples to have successful marriages, they need to be able to identify with the thoughts and feelings or even the attitudes of their partner.
This would mean that they would have affective sensitivity towards each other. When one empathizes with the other, one would be able to put him or herself in another’s shoes and subsequently be in a position to willingly respond to the partner’s needs. Sensitivity is also a great virtue in marriage since it helps a person understand the needs of the partner.
I have learnt a lot about sensitivity and empathy in marriage from the many visits I have made to my aunt and friend’s place. The way the couples understand each other’s issues and help themselves out has made me learn a lot and want to change some of my previous views and perceptions.
Spirituality and values
Spirituality and values are essential for any marriage if it is to succeed. Marriages built on firm spiritual values grow exponentially and the couples experience lasting happiness.
Faith makes great differences in marriage and this is why it is very important to share your individual beliefs and values with the partner prior to marriage in order to understand each other and plan how the two of you will live with them.
When partners in marriage have different spiritual values, it is almost certain that at some point in marriage, they will have trouble coping with each other. It is important for couples to share the same faith and have the same values.
I recently learnt that a Christian friend of mine married an Indian woman. It has just been a few months now and they are filing for a divorce.
This was mainly because of their differences when it came to values and spirituality. This has encouraged me to consider spirituality and values of the other partner before I can decide to settle.
Commitment
Commitment is usually a high priority in marriages and especially in the Christian society. Many couples have the misconception that marriage vows lead automatically to a happy marriage and a perfect union of intimacy.
What they fail to understand is that after marriage, many challenges come and it is not always rosy. This calls for the need for commitment. Violating the marriage vows usually lead to consequences.
In most cases, when one partner violates that commitment in marriage, it is considered as unforgivable. This is because vows are involved in marriage as opposed to relationships where such activities that violate commitment may be forgiven.
I have always appreciated the amount of commitment shown by my parents and this is evident in their many years of marriage. Therefore, I intend to make commitment a priority in marriage since this is what couples are intended to do after making vows.
Companionship
Companionship is vital in any marriage that seeks to make it a success. It involves the partners sharing their lives together on a day-to-day basis.
Couples need to share their dreams and at the same time walk along each other to realize those dreams. As companions, couples need to work towards common goals.
They should therefore share similar interests and in the event that their objectives are achieved, they should share the joy of victory. However, the grief of failure should also be shared and the couples should see themselves through the difficult moments.
Sometimes in the life of couples, changes occur and due to unavoidable circumstances, they are forced to engage in different activities that have different timings.
This makes them lose track of each other’s activities and with time, may realize that they have nothing or little in common. The best way to combat this is by maintaining the love relationship on a day-to-day basis.
This is possible through the maintenance of communication. If face-to-face communication is difficult to maintain, then making phone calls may do.
I have learnt a lot in the way my parents have managed to maintain their love relationship even when they are far from each other and I definitely intend to emulate this.
Adaptability and flexibility
Adaptability and flexibility is another aspect that is important in marriage. Couples need to think about each other and not only worry about oneself.
These qualities enable a partner in the relationship to change some of the activities that one intended to do in order to put the considerations of the other in mind. This would call for the partner to look for alternatives but still focus on achieving the same set goals.
I have seen my father forgo some of his activities in order to cater for my mother’s needs first then get back to what he was doing. This way, I have learnt that in a relationship, a partner should not consider his own priorities first but also think about those of the other partner. I intend to make important considerations about my partner’s ideas when making decisions in the future.
Honesty, trust and fidelity
Honesty and fidelity must be observed in relationships in order for the marriage to be successful. When honesty and fidelity is observed, this leads to trust.
In marriage, just like in any other relationship, trust is earned (Stinnett, Carter, & Montgomery, 1972). Marriage partners should be faithful to each other since they swore to do so.
My parents are my role models since they have built their marriage on trust and honesty. It is through trust that they have been able to maintain their love relationship over the years. I intend to maintain fidelity and remain honest to my partner in marriage.
Responsibility
One big issue in marriage life is the issue of responsibility. This governs the day-to-day life of the couple. Each partner has specific responsibilities to attend to outside the household but those within the household are usually delegated.
Sometimes it is done equally but in most occasions, one partner usually takes a greater role. Delegation of responsibilities should be done in a fair manner in order not to overburden one partner.
At home, I think my mother does most of the household activities. I understand that my father is usually busy with the office work but I think it would be fair if they shared some of the household responsibilities. I intend to change this in the future by helping out in most of the work in the house.
Unselfishness
Couples should avoid selfishness in marriage. This calls for each partner to forget self and direct all the life of the couple for the good of the whole family.
Selfishness yields to the denial of the other partner’s rights in the marriage and in most cases leads to unhealthy marriages or even divorce.
My parents are good examples of couples who are not selfish. Both my parents usually share a lot and do not do things that favor one partner over the other. I intend to take from them on this issue.
Admiration and respect
Good marriages are fueled by great chemistry. This calls for mutual admiration and respect. The value that one places on the partner’s special abilities makes the partner feel appreciated and loved.
Without this, one would not have confidence upon the opinions they bring forward. When one partner respects the other’s opinion, then communication will be developed (Murstein & Beck, 1972).
Showing admiration for your spouse is important to boost their self-esteem and make them feel appreciated. I admire my parent’s for the way they show admiration for each other and respect each other. I would like to develop such a relationship in the future.
References
Hampson, R., Prince, C., & Beavers, R. (2007). Marital therapy: Qualities of couples who fare better or worse in treatment. Psychotherapy & Counseling, 25(4), 141-190.
Murstein, B. & Beck, G. (1972). Person perception, marriage adjustment, and social desirability. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 39(3), 396-403.
Stinnett, N., Carter, M., & Montgomery, J. (1972). Older Persons’ perceptions of their marriage. Journal of Marriage and Family, 34(4), 665-670.