Introduction
Singlehood is perhaps one of the most exciting yet challenging stages in life especially for a young Christian woman. One might find that there are those who are single by choice and those who are single due to certain circumstances such as divorce or even the death of a spouse if they had been married earlier in their young lives (Klein 2003).
This state of singlehood, even though enjoyable in the fact that the young woman is not burdened with extra responsibilities if she has not yet been previously married, proves difficult in that majority of such Christian women are faced with a harsh reality (Taurel 2008).
This reality is that in order for them to consistently remain true in their Christian faith as per the expectations of the church as well as family, they are likely to never be betrothed to any man (Clinton & Sibcy 2006). This is also the reason as to why majority of single Christian women move away from the church and its activities and even to some extent from God.
Other challenges that a single Christian woman may experience includes sexual temptations and that is why Paul in his giving advice to young unmarried men and women in 1 Corinthians 7: 8 – 9, suggested, “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (NIV 1984).
Essay
Despite the aforementioned challenges, unmarried Christian women tend to have more fun as compared to those who are single due to circumstances and have extra responsibilities such as children and their career. Singlehood is a time of soul-searching and a time of self-discovery where a single Christian woman realizes what she truly desires to achieve in future once she gets married, has a career and bears children (Klein 2003).
Unlike how it was in the past, unmarried women of this day and age are free to choose whom to love and get married to as marriages are no longer arranged by parents except in a few cultures such as Hindu (Cloud & Townsend 2001). Single Christian women also have a choice of not allowing their singlehood to become a burden to them especially in instances where family and peer pressure is experienced but rather of embracing their status and endeavoring to live a joy-filled and wholesome life (Taurel 2008).
Once a young woman has reached of age, she always desires and looks forward to getting married. For a single Christian woman, dreams of having a wedding ceremony in church where family and friends can attend and celebrate her union to her future husband are always on her mind (Clinton & Sibcy 2006).
Such Christian women are brought up and nurtured to embrace the fact that it is better to be officially married in public as compared to eloping or staying single until old age which would be viewed by the society as unnatural (Klein 2003). Single Christian women are also taught that it is better to find a potential husband who is also a Christian and has faith in God in order to avoid domestic conflicts which would otherwise have been avoided. They are also taught to embrace and strive to be like the Godly woman in Proverbs 31 (Brasher 1998).
Marriage is considered to be a huge step for a single Christian woman and is celebrated with joy and expectations of what the future holds for the couple. Christianity perceives it as a holy sacrament representing the relationship existing between the Church and Jesus Christ as per the Old Testament teaching of the relationship that was there between Israel and God (Taurel 2008).
In Matthew 19: 5 – 6 it is written, “……For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh…………Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate” (NIV 1984).
Once married, a Christian woman finds herself with more responsibilities towards her husband and taking care of their home in addition to attending to her career if she is already employed. Under Christianity married women are given a choice of working and having their place in the society and whole community or that of staying at home to perform their daily activities which include looking after their children (Moore, et al. 2004).
Considering the fact that in this day and age, a married Christian woman can choose whether or not to have children, majority of them opt to have them anyway as it is the Biblical thing to do as per the Scriptures where in Genesis 1: 28, Adam and Eve were commanded to “…Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.” (NIV 1984). Raising children has proven to be quite a challenge since time immemorial and especially for career women who rarely have time for their husbands and children.
Titus 2: 3 – 5 gives a few instructions to married women regarding their children, husbands and homes where it is written, “The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness……..That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children…….” (NIV 1984).
A married Christian woman is expected to not only be submissive to her husband but also not to be a nag. Such a wife is expected to make her husband glad to come home every day and finding food on the table and if he needs it, a warm bath awaiting him.
This is rather difficult to accomplish in the 21st Century, whether the wife is a Christian or not as due to the demands of her busy schedule from her career leaving her tired by the end of the day and arriving home late in the night (Klein 2003).
A married Christian woman may find herself having not time to spare for her husband and children and such is the reason as to why majority of Christian marriages are failing since the family feels neglected of the love they feel they deserve. Additionally, a married Christian woman with children may find herself in a situation such as the one aforementioned, that of singlehood due to circumstance (Taurel 2008).
As it is well known, majority of men and husbands especially in the United States are usually encouraged to enroll in the military and if one is a husband, he may tend not to be present at all times. There are also those married Christian women with children who may find themselves widowed. This leaves the married Christian woman with extra responsibilities of running the house and catering to their children all by herself (Klein 2003).
More often than not, those women who are Christians and married with husbands who are away on business or are widowed sometimes find themselves being lonely and in need of companionship (Moore, et al. 2004).
This is especially hard for a Christian woman with children as she is expected to keep herself pure and remain faithful to her husband who even though is not with her physically, is still her husband. Most women find themselves falling into temptation of entertaining other men whom majority of them are other women’s husbands which constitutes to adultery (Clinton & Sibcy 2006).
Such women should instead remember that their bodies are considered temples of the Holy Spirit and that God never tempts one beyond what they can bear (Thomas 2008). These women should also seek spiritual counseling from their pastors, women pastors, as to the manner in which they can best control their emotions and deal with their loneliness while their husbands are away. All married women with children should strive to emulate Proverbs 31 which describes an ideal mother and wife (Brasher 1998).
Married women with children and husbands who are not always at home or have passed on find it especially difficult to manage their homes as most of their time is spent away at work and by the time they arrive home they are too tired to pay any or little attention to their children who are demanding of their mother’s attention since their father is not close (Clinton & Sibcy 2006).
Majority of such children and especially in this day and age grow up to be disrespectful of their mothers, which is against the Scriptures where it is written in Exodus 20: 12. “Honor thy father and mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee” (NIV 1984).
It is rather sad to observe that working Christian married women with children do not even have time to spare and teach their children about the Bible as a way of nurturing them spiritually and bringing them up to be obedient children. It is quite possible for such women and especially those with a career to seek to usurp some form of authority and this may tend to cause conflicts between them and their children (Moore, et al. 2004).
It is written in Isaiah 3:12 that, “As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them…..” and this has become evident presently where children tend to be more rebellious, causing a lot of strife in their homes leading women to become bossy and more demanding (Clinton & Sibcy 2006).
It is important for the father to be present as a man is a representation of authority and order in the home but in cases where they are not present, children tend to view their mothers as weak and therefore take up an assumption that they can get away with almost anything.
A married woman with children and whose husband is away or has passed on should set and maintain limits as this will teach such children positive discipline and enable them to establish their own sense of wrong and right in addition to having an attitude of self discipline (Thomas 2008).
Married women especially Christian married women should realize the fact that the best way of showing their love towards their children in the most appropriate way is to ensure that their children develop positive child behavior through obedience of the set rules (Clinton & Sibcy 2006).
One of the stages that is perhaps feared by a Christian woman apart from that of singlehood is that of experiencing an empty nest. This is a time when all the children are grown up and have moved away from the homestead (Klein 2003). Many married Christian women more often than not find themselves unsure of what to do with their time now that taking care of their children is no longer a key responsibility.
This is especially worse if the married Christian woman is single by choice as she will now be faced with an empty house and experience loneliness (Cloud & Townsend 2001). She may find herself facing similar challenges that she faced while she was still single such as sexual temptations and it is therefore important for such a Christian married woman to keep herself pure and remember that her body is considered to be a temple of God (Taurel 2008).
An empty nest may leave the married Christian woman with plenty of time in her hands even if she is a career woman and this is not a good thing as she may be forced to engage in some unconstructive behaviors (Cloud & Townsend 2001). Such married Christian women should therefore seek counsel from women church elders or other Christian married women who have experienced the same and be advised on ways of coping with the circumstances.
Conclusion
It is often mistakenly believed that problems of life tend to go away once a person is married or gets married to someone else as they will share their individual problems and find solutions. Even though this is partly true, people should realize that marriage is an institution that has its own problems which are distinct from the ones faced while in courtship.
It is especially difficult and challenging for married women with children who are expected to remain faithful and cater to the needs of her husband and children. Those whose husbands are away are expected to act as breadwinners and provide for their children, ensuring that they grow up and develop to be respectable individuals with good behavior. Married women should strive to bring up their children in a Godly way as this will instill virtues in their hearts which they will grow to uphold.
References
Brasher, B. E. (1998). Godly Women: Fundamentalism and Female Power. New Brunswick, NJ: Rutgers University Press.
Clinton, T., & Sibcy, G. (2006). Loving Your Children Too Much: Staying Close to Your Kids Without Overprotecting, Overindulging, or Overcontrolling. Nashville, TN: Integrity Publishers.
Clinton, T., & Sibcy, G. (2006). Why you do the Things you do: The Secret to Healthy Relationships. New York, NY: Thomas Nelson Inc.
Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (2001). Boundaries with Kids. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.
Klein, V. (2003). Britain’s Married Women Workers, Volume 122. London: Routledge.
Moore, B., Briscoe, J., Wilson, S. D., Hart, K., Hager, D., Wells, T., & LaHaye, B. (2004). A Woman and her God: Life-enriching Messages: Extraordinary Women. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Publishers.
Smith, H. (2007). Letters to Married Women: On Nursing and the Management of Children. 6th Edition. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University.
Taurel, R. H. (2008). Marriage: The Forgotten Covenant. USA: Xulon Press.
The Holy Bible. New International Version (NIV). (1984). The Old Testament and the New Testament. International Bible Society. Colorado: Colorado Springs.
Thomas, G. (2008). Sacred Marriage: What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy? Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.