It appears useful and interesting to investigate one’s way of building relationships with other people. The internal working model represents a helpful instrument to indicate the relationship patterns as it suggests that each individual operates with a specific template of relationships that reflects their childhood experiences (Fraley & Roisman 2019). The internal working model is based on attachment styles on which one relies. Attachment style can be defined as a set of “knowledge, expectations, and insecurities” people hold regarding themselves and their relationships (Fraley & Roisman 2019, p. 26). There are four main attachment styles: secure, fearful-avoidant, dismissing-avoidant, and preoccupied.
According to Fraley & Roisman, the adult attachment style is less malleable compared to a child attachment style (2019). While children can develop new patterns of interactions more easily, adults significantly depend on the developed approach to the relationships. Additionally, there is a difference between a child-caregiver relationship and an adult romantic relationship. While an infant’s attachment to a parent serves for fundamental socialization, attachment in the adult relationship is less important. Mainly, adults in romantic relationships appear as independent individuals, and attachment informs their compatibility.
Speaking of my attachment style, avoidance is significantly present in it, as well as fearfulness. Therefore, the fearful-avoidant model dominates my internal working model, especially in close relationships. Although I am somewhat extroverted and like socializing, I might feel insecure in intimate relationships. While such an attachment style may hinder trustworthy romantic relationships, it induces a sense of independence and self-sufficiency, which helps me to accomplish my goals by relying on myself.
Finally, when reading Fraley & Roisman (2019), I found it exciting and hopeful that the foundations of attachment do not fully define one’s approach to relationships and the success of socialization. I thought people should “match” their attachment styles to build successful relationships. However, after studying this unit, I realized that relationship success depends on one’s flexibility and willingness to make the commonplace rather than on particular patterns. At the same time, it is helpful to learn one’s attachment patterns to conquer insecurities.
Reference
Fraley, R. C., & Roisman, G. I. (2019). The development of adult attachment styles: Four lessons. Current Opinion in Psychology, 25, 26–30. Web.