In this paper, we are going to discuss the impact of divorce on children. In particular, we need to analyze a situation when a married couple is on the point of break-up, however, they are concerned with the well-being of their children (a boy of 5 and a girl of 9), and they cannot decide whether they should cease their relationships immediately or wait until their children grow up. Our task is to propose a solution, which may address this problem. In order to do it, we should pay extra attention to such parameters as the physiological atmosphere in the family, socio-economic and educational status of both parents, age group of the son and daughter, the level or degree of compatibility between spouses, and so forth (Emery, 2004; Fischer, 2007). Overall, we can say that there is no universal approach to this issue as much depends on the circumstances. We need to describe the line of reasoning of a psychotherapist.
It stands to reason, that divorce, in itself is not conducive to the happiness of children because upbringing usually involves both sexes, and each parent can implant different qualities in his or her offspring. Nevertheless, it does not actually mean that a single father or mother is incapable of doing it. As it has been noted earlier, the spouses may wait until their children become more mature. At first glance, such an option may appear quite plausible as this will enable both of them to bring up their son and daughter. But, this variant is applicable only under the condition that both parents can set aside their personal disliking or sometimes even aversion to one another. There is a widely-held opinion that it is much better for them at least to make pretense of harmonious conjugal relations than to dissolute their marriage. Nonetheless, the results of many studies indicate that occasionally this is not the best decision (Applewhite, 2009). There are several reasons for psychologists to make such a statement: first: people, who try to suppress their feelings and emotions (and this married couple will definitely have to do so) are bound to vent their spleen or anger on the weaker person or persons (as a rule, children). Another drawback is that the boy and girl would feel that parents make sacrifices for them. This may eventually give rise to guilt complex and the sense of being a burden. In addition to that, one cannot presume that they will not notice constant squabbles of mother and father. The quarrels in the family may lead to depression, autism, poor communication skills, etc (Emery, 2004). In the long term, this will affect both children (irrespective of their age or sex). Yet, a girl will be more vulnerable as she is older and more sensitive to those troubles within the family. Thus, we may say that prolongation of marriage may be acceptable only if partners will be acting in such a way that their offspring will not realize that this is just a well-staged performance; otherwise, this will result only in adverse consequences.
Psychotherapists may propose a different approach to this dilemma. The parents may choose to divorce one another, and either wife or husband will take both son and daughter. Many studies suggest that a single parent has the capacity to educate both children (Applewhite, 2009). But this option is also not devoid of potential hurdles. First, partners may avidly contest their rights for children, and sometimes the trial may last for many years (Gurman, 2008). Certainly, this is not directly relevant to the field of psychology but we can draw many examples proving that the boy and girl may suffer even after the break-up only due to their parents continuous disputes. Secondly, some other difficulties have to be surmounted, for instance, if neither of the spouses has the ability, competence to raise them. Again, we have to stress the idea that divorce is always deep trauma for infants, and its impact may manifest itself only with time passing. With the reference to this specific situation, we may argue that the girl will be more susceptible. Being four years older than her sibling, she will be much more aware that she is deprived of one of her birth-givers. The same rule will apply to the boy, especially after three or four years. In order to avoid this negative influence, it is vital to develop visiting schedule, as this will at least alleviate the feeling of loss (Applewhite, 2009). It is not easy to give any specific tips for this couple. Perhaps, they should wait for a certain period of time: family therapists maintain that such tensions may occur quite regularly but eventually partners overcome them and live happily (Gurman, 2008).
Provided that no compromise has been made, this couple should better divorce. Of course, this piece of advice is not very consolatory, but on the whole, a break-up is less detrimental than permanent squabbles and quarrels of parents. Given the fact, that happiness of children is at stake, it is more desirable for them to separate from one another, as this is the lesser of two evils. Our analysis is very far from being complete because it lacks details and valid information. In point of fact, we have attempted to describe the criteria on which family therapist should base their judgment.
Bibliography
- Applewhite. A. A (2009). Does divorce devastate children?
- Emery R (2004). The truth about children and divorce: dealing with the emotions so you and your children can thrive. Viking
- Fischer. T (2007). Parental Divorce and Children’s Socio-economic Success: Conditional Effects of Parental Resources Prior to Divorce, and Gender of the Child. Sociology. (41), p 475.
- Gurman. A (2008). Clinical handbook of couple therapy. Guilford Press.