The concept of family has many definitions and characteristic features, but the one that is seen most often involves its key role in society. Indeed, very few societal models exist that disregard or downplay the role of a family. For this reason, the values and principles maintained by the family and the society are closely connected and balanced, with any deviations from the balance being met with rigorous attention at best.
Despite this, the society is inevitably changing, new trends constantly emerge, and are challenged by the established norms. One of the recent changes that have caught the attention of media as well as others safeguards of moral values is the phenomenon of co-parenting.
Promoted by the resources like Modamily, co-parenting is essentially a type of a planned family, intended to raise a child. While obviously presenting the new grounds for legal difficulties, creating the unforeseen risks for a child, and challenging the established ethical standpoints, Modamily and similar projects signal the changes that the American society is currently undergoing, and provide the new possibilities for people who do not adhere to the outdated social standards.
The phenomenon of co-parenting caught media attention around 2014, when the first satisfied customers of Modamily showed up. Modamily is a resource with a functionality similar to a dating site and is sometimes mistakenly named as one of them. While indeed serving to pair couples based on the set of criteria, its ultimate goal differs: Modamily helps to find a partner with whom it is best to raise a child.
When taken to the extreme, such relations do not require romance or any other match of interests besides those needed for the successful upbringing of a child. Thus, it is often portrayed as two people who decide to raise a kid together without necessarily being a good couple or even knowing each other for some time. Such situation naturally invokes several legal difficulties. It is also frequently shunned by the public as it violates the values of a traditional family.
Psychologists are especially skeptical about the endeavor, pointing to the fact that the family formed around romantic bonds and long-term relations is not a mere sentiment of the past: the upbringing of a child is challenging enough to undermine the unions far stronger than those formed as a result of a sole mutual agreement. Besides, loving parents are the important role models for children, so the people that are not tied by anything other than the child may face more difficulties than they expect and compromise the parenting process. The legal side is equally tricky, with co-parenting laws and regulations varying from state to state and most of the co-parents ignoring the legal agreements altogether.
The proponents of the concept counter these claims by saying that the relations formed by calculated planning are serious enough and usually more wise compared to haphazard and erratic marriages conducted based on the unstable sympathies. Most of them point to the high divorce rates and the amount of kids suffering from the unsuccessful marriages. They also emphasize the diminishing relevance of the traditional family in the contemporary society.
One of the points that should be taken into consideration is the claim by the Modamily founder Ivan Fatovic that his site is one of many that offer similar services. There are two possible reasons for this: either the society is “ripe” for change, and the co-parenting supplies the much-needed shift in social standards or this is a short-lived trend that will soon fade out. Either way, we can track several patterns of a social kind. There is demand for the non-standard family model, either real or marketing-induced, which puts responsible parenting as a top priority and downplays the romantic aspect as either unnecessary or harmful for the well-being of the union.
Such standpoint treats parenting as a separate dedicated activity rather than the integral part of marriage. Indeed, several couples that became parenting partners by means of Modamily live separately and still maintain the vision of a happy family that gives everything necessary to a child. Another issue is the lack of a solid legal background, mentioned above. While Modamily offers the information on the legal status of co-parenting, provides contacts of several entities required to secure the contracts, and recommends going through the procedure, it does not make it mandatory, and the information provided is basic in nature.
Besides, several published cases demonstrate the negligence or even reluctance to form a legal agreement on the topic. This further supports the claim of the proponents of the concept that good faith and determination are sufficient for the responsible treatment of the formed relationship. Both trends can lead to a conclusion that the society is in demand of a new relationship model, which may or may not reject the romantic bonds between the partners and the mandatory legal guarantees, but necessarily puts forward the upbringing of children as criteria of utmost importance. In this way, the resources like Modamily are indeed the matchmaking sites but restricted only for the people who prefer such approach.
The reasons for such shift is debatable, but there are some important points to consider. The traditional nuclear families, which were preferable around fifty years ago, are gradually declining and form now less than a quarter of all the families in the US. While some are quick to point the degrading moral values as the reason, the matter is really much more complicated, with factors like the decline of agricultural sector, the growing numbers of women who work outside their homes, the extended lifespan, the rising average age of marriage and giving birth to a child, and the incredible mobility of today’s citizens being the major causes.
When taken into account, the changes in the traditional family organization seem almost a necessity. Thus, Modamily and the co-parenting trend, even exhibiting the characteristics of the market fad, address the issues that demand amendments in the current system of values and ethics.
The co-parenting is understandably shunned by critics. It has several serious issues that require attention. The concept may not seem serious enough, and indeed already exhibits irresponsible traits that threat the well-being of the child, like the lack of legal basis or the absence of defined standards that allow partners to create conditions very similar to those they were trying to avoid in the first place. It is a new concept, which is undoubtedly imperfect.
Nevertheless, it signals the need for shifts in the established standards of the traditional family, which, when addressed properly, will result in positive outcomes for the current generation of children. The modern family concept proposed by Modamily and similar services may not be the next generation of social norms craved by society, but it certainly is closer to them than the previously established concept of a nuclear family of the fifties.