The relationship between parents and children, as well as their influence on the development of individual character, is a common theme in the literature. In the story “I stand here ironing,” Tillie Olsen describes the mother’s reflections on the upbringing of her daughter Ellie many years later. She notes that she was forced to pay little attention to her and spend little time together. These events significantly influenced not only the formation of Emily’s relationship with her mother, but also the development of her character. The constant absence of a mother in the life of a girl allowed her to learn not to rely on support. She was alone and had to cope with all the difficulties on her own and make decisions about her life. Thus, her mother’s lack of empathy towards her daughter shaped Emily’s resilience in terms of development of the ability to rely only on oneself and not expect outside support.
The narrator of the story feels guilty about the way her first daughter Emily was brought up. She talks about every difficulty she had to face and that forced her to make decisions that now burden her. In particular, she notes that with regard to her other children “it was the face of joy, and not of care or tightness or worry I turned to them” (Olsen, 1956, p. 2). She loved her first daughter the most and tried to protect her as much as possible. Poverty and the position of a single mother forced the narrator to constantly send her daughter to relatives or to a convalescent home. After Emily returned home, her relationship with her mother became even more strained. The interaction of mother and daughter was already so difficult, since the narrator was constantly forced to send her daughter to relatives and spent time at work. After Emily’s time at the convalescent home, the narrator notes, “I used to try to hold and love her after she came back, but her body would stay stiff, and after a while she’d push away” (Olsen, 1956, p. 3).
Thus, these circumstances alienated the two people from each other. As she grew older, Emily developed her own character, which was not related to her parents. They were present in her life to a limited extent, which made the girl independent and somewhat closed. The desperate mother, in an attempt to give Emily the best, relied on the advice of others and generally accepted practices. In fact, the girl needed a mother who would not ideally raise her, but would be there.
Thus, the forced neglect of Emily’s mother leads to the formation of a cold and aloof relationship between them. The narrator justifies her non-participation in her daughter’s life by saying, “She is a child of her age, of depression, of war, of fear” (Olsen, 1956, p. 5). The times were difficult, but even at this moment, Emily needed support and care which she did not receive. Even when she needed to be fed, the narrator did not give her food on request, only at strictly allotted hours. In this situation, the girl formed her own view of the world, in which there is no place for moralizing. Emily developed some nihilistic perspective, noting that “in a couple of years when we’ll all be atom – dead they won’t matter a bit.” (Olsen, 1956, p. 5).
This approach is the result of her mother’s alienation, the girl’s constant being with herself. Emily has developed resilience in response to a lack of empathy from the person closest to her. She realized that she had no one to rely on and that nothing in the world binds her. The narrator notes at the end of the story that “she is more than this dress on the ironing board, helpless before the iron” (Olsen, 1956, p. 6). This is exactly what Emily became as a result of the constant neglect of her mother and the lack of family education. She found her own ways of interacting with the world, such as through comedy. She was able to develop the necessary resilience to support her in place of the relationship with her mother. It was the lack of empathy on the part of a loved one that allowed Emily to learn to cope with everything on her own without counting on help. However, the events of her childhood made it impossible for her to empathize with the narrator, forever preserving their relationship as cold and distant.
Thus, Emily has learned to rely only on herself without expecting help even from her mother, which is the basis of her resilience. The lack of empathy on the part of the mother, which was due to the desire for proper upbringing and the lack of the opportunity to participate in the life of her daughter, made the girl closed. However, she learned to rely solely on her own strength and developed other mechanisms of protection from external factors. For example, comedy became her way of getting along with the world. This approach allowed her to hide behind the character while still expressing her emotions. She couldn’t do that with her mother, because Emily had to keep everything inside herself. The lack of a close connection with her mother affected the way she interacts with the world, being a closed and cold person.
Reference
Olsen, T. (1956). I stand here ironing. Jerry Brown. Web.