People are different in character, temperament, and many other criteria, so they perceive the situation individually. A person is incapable of avoiding disagreements because variations in understanding often lead to the fact that people do not agree with each other on a particular case. Conflict is determined by the fact that the conscious behavior of one of the parties (individual or group) violates the other person’s interests. As ‘Have A Nice Conflict’ points out, one of the significant challenges is learning to manage conflict when people constantly infringe on it. (Scudder et al., 2017). If they create conflicts on a purely reactionary level, then the dispute will control individuals, not the other way around. However, if personalities develop and learn to communicate with each party to the discrepancy, they will solve problems soon. Preventing internal conflicts and creating conditions that admit others to control oneself requires intelligent reflection. It is much easier to think consciously if people know what to listen to, look for, and react to somebody with different motivational values.
The basis of this book is the motivational relationship awareness theory, described in the form of a straightforward narrative. It allows everyone to see themselves in the main character’s behavior, helps bridge the gap between theory and real life, and helps understand how to apply knowledge in practice. This book aids in recognizing behavior patterns and choosing the most effective ones in cooperating with others. Relationship Awareness Theory focuses on understanding one’s own and others’ responses, both when relationships are going well and when conflict arises (Scudder et al., 2017). It helps to realize that everyone can choose the way consistent with their preferences while taking into account the values of others.
The four fundamental premises of relational awareness theory are that a motive drives behavior for self-esteem, motivation can be changed in conflict, strengths surpass individual weaknesses, and personal filters affect perception. It can be concluded that this theory combines the psychometric list of motivations and looks at the motives that underlie our everyday behavior in relationships with others (Scudder et al., 2017). These value systems identify colors related to common themes or objects and corresponding behaviors. There are four main types of strengths and three mixed ones. For example, ‘Blue’ is associated with the desire to be generous and caring. Others usually perceive people who are driven by this aspiration as helpful. Each person possesses a certain amount of each color, but because no two people are alike, the strength of ‘color varies from person to person.
One of the main concepts mentioned in the book is identifying one’s power, or color, which is the basis of behavior. Examining how our conduct affects people with other strengths is also essential. Often the groundless conflict can be deflected when everyone realizes that others do not share identical beliefs and motives. When people become aware of the behavior and satisfaction others seek, their response becomes more understandable; thus, the conflict that might have previously arisen can be avoided (Scudder et al., 2017). Another premise of the theory, which took up most of the book and is striking, comes from the assertion that personal weakness is no more and no less than an excessive display of personal power.
One must realize that personal strengths can quickly turn into weaknesses when someone uses or ‘overuses’ those strengths in a negative way. Self-confidence can be a positive trait, but overconfidence can be seen as arrogance. Perceived overreaction occurs when a person with high motivational indicators of one ‘color’ interacts with someone with significant signs of another ‘color’. It is often an overreaction to a person’s behavior that is personally considered inappropriate for oneself (Scudder et al., 2017). When these strengths are overwhelmed, achieving a mutually productive environment is compromised. Therefore, it is necessary to assess the effectiveness of strengths and beliefs and determine how best to apply them when interacting with people.
In the book are many approaches that assist humans in start exploring themselves. However, the best practice is the experience of deploying strengths. This tool can be used to study yourself and create a team environment in practice (Scudder et al., 2017). For example, suppose a person wants to improve relationships with colleagues in the workplace and reduce the risk of conflict. In that case, he first needs to understand his place in society and realize that it is connected to other people. This will create contact between the team members and establish a common identification of the behavior that can be applied in the team when the situation is tense.
Another excellent application of knowledge from the book is how people can think of critical situations and their solutions. For example, even in a family, a husband can predict his wife’s reaction to specific actions based on his experience. In this way, he can assess how critical the circumstances will be and how they can be resolved. It is also important to mention a set of motivational value systems. (Scudder et al., 2017). In practice, this method enables a person to assess the temperament and character of colleagues or acquaintances. Thus, it provides humans to establish relationships with people based on what color is assigned to them. Accordingly, even before the beginning of communication, it is possible to adhere to the position of neutrality and deliberately not be exposed to conflict.
Reference
Scudder, T., Patterson, M., & Mitchell, K. (2011). Have a nice conflict: How to find success and satisfaction in the most unlikely places. John Wiley & Sons.