Background
A friend of mine (Zainab) had invited me to attend the wedding ceremony of her elder sister who was getting married. Since I had not attended a ceremony of a Malay Muslim person, I was excited at the prospect of attending the wedding. In fact, I had the opportunity of attending all the important functions of my friend’s sister’s wedding and all of them were distinct and unique in their own ways. There were ceremonies like the “mehendi” ceremony in which the bride and her friends all gather together amidst much dancing and singing and apply henna on the hands and feet.
The mehendi ceremony was held 3 days prior to the final wedding day. There were also other important ceremonies and functions, which included rituals and religious traditions, which I found highly interesting to watch and experience, despite being unable to follow many things due to linguistic diversity. Food was an important aspect of each ceremony and none of the invited guests were allowed to leave without having a meal together. Despite the gaiety and merriment, alcohol and alcoholic drinks were not served nor consumed, contrary to Western culture.
The designs are beautiful and the fragrance of the henna is amazing. This led me to wonder about several questions such as the value and significance of these ceremonies prior to marriage among the Muslim community. I was in awe of the manner in which the ceremonies took place and how all the relatives gathered together to enjoy the wedding. Social gatherings included all-important relatives and friends and the elders and senior members of the house were given special importance.
It was interesting to see how the elders are respected and how they have such an important say in all religious and ceremonial matters of the house. I was pleasantly surprised to see that the Malay Muslim community placed such importance on their senior members who in turn looked after and cared for the younger members of the family and reminded them of all the important aspects of the ceremony so that nothing is forgotten or left out.
The love, care and respect I received from my hosts, my friend and her family, made me feel extremely special. In spite of the fact that I did not belong to their community and was not aware of their customs and traditions, I was treated with respect and given complete attention and care by each member of the family. I was particularly impressed by the love and care among the family members and was amazed to see how the traditions and rituals were fulfilled with utmost care and attention, with special attention given to the smallest of details.
Every attempt was made to make the wedding and the preliminary preparations as exotic as possible. There was hectic activity in the house which was decorated with colorful drapes of cloth and fresh flowers. There were colorful carpets laid on the floor and the house echoed with traditional soothing music. Needless to say, the food was simply out of the world, with exotic flavors and curries and rice and all the delicacies I had never tasted in my life before. The one thing I enjoyed the most is the manner in which food was served and eaten. There was collectivism in everything they did, food, ceremonies, customs and every aspect of the wedding was a collective effort, in which all the members of the family and community participated with their definite roles.
Food was not laid on the buffet table as is common practice in the United States, rather, we had to sit on beautiful carpets, and cover our heads before eating. To me, this was a serene and calm experience despite the fact that there was hectic activity in the background. The place was bustling with energy, yet, there was a sense of peace and joy which surrounded it, making it warm and welcome. Although all the guests were given separate plates to eat, all the members sat down together and enjoyed their meals on a common platform.
Surprisingly, I truly enjoyed this new experience of eating with folded feet on the floor. More importantly, all of us ate with our hands, rather than spoons and forks, although they were available for people who needed them. But, to my surprise, no one used them! I too decided to try eating with the hand, since I was informed that one is able to enjoy the food better, especially the Muslim dishes like ‘Biryani’, if they are eaten by the hand.
To my pleasant surprise and amazement, I did enjoy eating with my hand and found myself satisfied after the meal. Eating with so many people on the same platform, I truly enjoyed and relished the food as well as the company while eating. There were no distinctions of caste, creed and most importantly rich or poor. Each and every member present at the ceremony were given equal respect and was attended to personally. The food was served systematically and each member was comfortably seated and given personal attention by the close members of the family.
Interview
Pleasantly surprised and amazed at the manner in which Malay Muslims strictly follow traditions and religious customs, I wondered how Zainab’s family continues to maintain their culture and traditions even while staying in an individualistic and completely different host country like America. Several questions struck my minds, such as how they manage to follow the questions and how they remember all these traditions in a society so distinct from theirs, and the significance of these traditions in Malay Muslim families. Taking this as an ideal opportunity, I decided to interview some of the guests who I regularly met at the different ceremonies and to whom I had become quite close and friendly.
One such lady was Zainab’s grandmother, a lady of about seventy-five years of age, but with the strength, vigor and enthusiasm of a sixteen-year-old. I carefully planned and drafted the interview question which I had in mind and did not conduct the interview at one go, since the family was extremely busy, but took the opportunity to ask questions over the several meetings which I had with her. I had become particularly close to the family and also addressed Zainab as Ma, like the other members of the family did.
To my surprise, I found that all the community members, relatives and friends of the family who came for the ceremonies too addressed her informally as “Ma”. One of the primary and most interesting questions I asked Ma was where she got all her energy and strength from. She was eager to respond that the love of her family including her children and grandchildren is what moves her and gives her strength to live and function well. She stated that she was extremely lucky to have a family which loves and cares for her so much, especially her son and daughter-in-law, Zainab’s parents, whom she loved dearly. She said that she is a very strict lady and likes to maintain her culture and traditions, which she considers to be her moral duty.
She believed very firmly that as an elderly and senior member of the house, it was her obligation to teach and impart her cultural values and morals to the coming generations, or else they would be lost and families would tear apart. My next set of questions to Ma focussed on the importance of the traditional ceremony and what makes it such a special event. Ma responded that customs and rituals play an important role in important matters like marriages, birth of a new child and even death. She stated that the current ceremony was held primarily to celebrate the wedding and share the joys with relatives, friends and society.
Ma informed me that their religion emphasizes communal harmony, peace and joy not in isolation but within the community in which they function. She stated that Islam necessitates that important functions and events should be shared with society and friends and although grand events are not necessary, rituals and customs are a compulsion. Ma stated that since a marriage is the beginning of a new life for two individuals, the bride and the groom, it is essential that the initiation occurs with the blessings of senior and older members, relatives and friends.
Ma also asserted that her religion laid great emphasis upon unity during celebrations and hosting meals is an important aspect of any ritual and tradition. I proceeded to ask Ma about her role in the wedding and as expected she responded with joy and enthusiasm. She stated that her knowledge of traditions and customs was put to complete use during the wedding celebrations and in fact all religious ceremonies and events. She stated that as the senior member of the family, it was her duty to ensure that all the religious customs and traditions are fulfilled.
She emphasized that her role was to remind and teach the younger generations about the rituals and traditions so that they would be able to continue the same with their children and pass on the knowledge to the newer generations. She asserted that by practicing each custom and ritual, she was in a way teaching the younger generation how to function, when she departs the world. Ma affirmed that her religion teaches unity and communal harmony and events such as marriage ceremonies play a vital role in uniting families.
She asserted that even if there are differences, such moments and events are of crucial importance and it is expected that all differences are forgotten so that the ceremonies are conducted and accomplished peacefully and happily. She stated that her role in the wedding was to ensure that each and every individual is respected and all the rituals are processed in accordance with the customs. She also informed me that as the senior-most member of the house she has to look after all the younger members and play the role of a responsible mother who looks after the wellbeing of her children.
She informed me that culture and traditions were a part of her life and she could not live without them. She ensured that it was necessary that the same values and morals were imparted to her children and their children, so that the cycle of culture would carry forward, since according to her, culture ensures happiness, love and unity among family members. I inquired how she managed to remember all the ceremonial traditions and she informed me that she has been raised and brought up in a joint family system as a young girl and married in a joint family of more than 35 people living together in a huge house in India.
Ma remembers each and every tradition which occurred during her marriage and asserts that these ceremonies serve to unite, bond and strengthen relationships among members of the family. She cherished those memories and stated that her mother-in-law was a very strong and stern lady and held the family together through her discipline and care. Ma had learned most of her family management and communication skills from her mother-in-law, since she herself was only thirteen years of age when she was married. Like her mother-in-law, Ma places utmost importance on culture, traditions and morals and when I enquired about her views about the recent terror attacks and growing fanaticism among Muslims, she asserted that Islam is a religion of peace and people are misusing and misquoting from the Koran for their political benefits.
I was moved to hear that Islam prohibits violence and unkindness even towards animals, so how could it propagate violence towards humanity. Ma also asserted that there was great importance on community living and helping people. Serving food and water were considered to be the most virtuous deeds and she asserted that the poor are given supreme importance during such important events, and are invited to eat along with the other members. Ma wished that she was back home in her country for the wedding and would have liked to invite all the poor people there to feast during the wedding ceremonies.
Abstract
Malay Muslim culture and traditions are distinct from the Western culture. Muslims follow a culture of collectivism and unification through social and religious events, particularly marriage ceremonies and traditions, which serve as unifications for the entire community consisting of friends and relatives. Marriages in the Muslim community are events of merriment and enjoyment with great attention to detail. Customs and traditions are strictly followed and all relatives and friends are invited to bless the new bride and bridegroom. The elders of the family, particularly grandparents play a vital role in the upkeep of traditions and customs and ensure that these cultural practices are followed so that the younger new generation does not forget them and learns the importance of these important customs.
Introduction
Malay Muslim traditions, particularly those related to marriage ceremonies, are extremely different from American marriages. There is great importance of the getting together of the relatives and society to celebrate and bless the prospective bride and groom and the marriage itself occurs after several days of religious ceremonies and traditions. Attending a marriage ceremony of my friend, Zainab’s sister, I was able to learn several aspects of the culture and traditions of the Malay Muslim family and the role and importance of elders and seniors in their households.
This paper aims to analyze the rituals, customs, and traditions of weddings in the Malay Muslim community and explore the advantages of following these customs and rituals. Additionally, the paper also seeks to investigate the role and importance of elders in Malay Muslim households and their impact on the upkeep of cultural and traditional values.
The paper uses several methods such as inquiry, interview, observation and some academic research to investigate the traditional event in question, the Malay wedding ceremony.
Methods
Observation
In order to seek the answers to the several questions above, I made the most of the opportunity or attending the wedding ceremony of Zainab’s (a friend) sister. The primary method used by me was observation and personal experience which I accomplished by attending all the preliminary ceremonies and the main marriage ceremony as well. More than being educative and informative, the experience was highly entertaining and I enjoyed every function and ceremony I attended. Being present at all the ceremonies and being witness to all the events, was an enlightening experience.
Interpersonal communication
Because the marriage ceremony merriments continued for several days. I took this opportunity to mingle with and communicate with several members of the Malay community who were present there. Through my interactions with them, I was able to gauge the importance of ceremonies and rituals in their community. Additionally, I also learned a great deal about the importance of love, respect and care for their elders and senior members of the house which serves as a unification factor for families.
Informal Interviews
I also interviewed several individuals from the family and distant relatives and friends, informally and casually to gain personal insights. However, the interview with Zainab’s grandmother, who is also the senior-most member of her family, was the most educative and entertaining and provided me with valuable information regarding the customs and traditions of Malay marriages.
Academic Research
An important method, which I undertook to gain information regarding the marriage traditions and rituals of the Malay Muslim community, is academic research and literature studies, which I consider to be the best and most authentic means of research, apart from personal interactions and experiences. The literature review was conducted using academic and scholarly articles from the Expanded Academic, Gale database which has a collection of numerous research articles on several topics and subjects. The article which I found was shortlisted from numerous articles and has been published in the “Journal of Comparative Studies” published in the year 1995.
Observations and Results
Observations and literature review revealed that the Malay Muslim community places great importance on traditions and customs especially during marriages. Ceremonies take place according to Islamic Law also known as ‘Shariah’ which is formally enacted in Malaysia to govern laws related to families (Kling, 1995). Marriage ceremonies and rituals take place according to Islamic codes and it is necessary for the marriage to be conducted by the father of the bride and groom, in addition to two other witnesses who should be senior male members of the community or society (Kling, 1995).
It is interesting to note the importance of elders in the Malay Muslim community who believe in the concept of “caring society” which has been a crucial factor in maintaining strong familial bonds, especially for the elderly and senior members of households (Kling, 1995). My observations were exactly in tune with the academic research I conducted on the Malay Muslim community to seek more information and literature regarding them. I attended a total of four marriage functions and each was distinct from the others.
The ceremony which I enjoyed most was the final wedding which took place on the 10th of April since it was a Friday, which is considered to be a very auspicious day for Muslims, all the world over. The event was held at a community hall, which had been rented especially for the wedding. The bride was dressed in a beautifully gold-embroidered outfit, called the “sharara”. It was bright pink and had a blend of all bright shades including some pink and silver as well. The groom wore a ‘Sherwani’ which was also embroidered with gold and silver threads.
The final marriage ceremony was a grand wedding and numerous guests were invited to bless the couple. The ritual took place in the presence of the holy and religious men of the community who read verses from the Koran to solemnize the wedding. The bride and groom then had to accept the marriage and had to give their consent, not only verbally but also had to sign a legal contract, the marriage certificate, as proof of their matrimonial alliance. The contract is a formally recorded certificate that is signed by the bride and the groom and is finally legalized by the religious authority with a stamp and signature (Kling, 1995). The father of the bride and groom plays a crucial role in the wedding and the witnesses of the matrimonial alliance were two additional members of the community, senior in age and experience. While the males played a crucial role in the wedding, the female members of the household work hard to ensure that rituals and customs are appropriately followed.
The role of the elderly women in ensuring traditional and religious rituals is exceptional. Not only are the elderly respected greatly, but they are also sincerely loved and cared for by all the younger members of the household and their advice is sought on all important matters. As the elderly and senior members of the house they provide love and care and ensure that the entire family is run in a disciplined manner. Cultural values and traditions are passed on verbally and through regular practice. For instance, during the marriage ceremony, through all the functions, the grandmother was consulted for all important matters and decisions such as the dishes which were to be served to the guests, the gifts which were to be distributed to the bridegroom and his family and the return gifts which were to be given to all the other guests attending the function.
Each and every guest that came to the wedding was personally greeted and received by the family members and care was taken to ensure that no guest left the wedding without relishing the grand feast. The atmosphere was extremely jovial and there was enjoyment and merriment throughout the ceremonies and rituals. As a social event, the marriage ceremony was an excellent reflection of the traditional and cultural rituals of a Malay Muslim wedding and all the formalities associated, legal and customary, with the wedding. Needless to say, the wedding was an extremely informative way to gain a glimpse into the culture and traditions of the Malay Muslim community.
Conclusion
The value and importance attached to rituals, customs and traditions in the wedding ceremony of Malay Muslim community are immense. Each ritual has a special significance, particularly the final wedding which is a blend of religious and legal customs and includes a legally binding contract. Obviously, the unified manner in which weddings take place in the presence and with the blessings of the friends and relatives, most crucially the elder and senior members of the house, is noteworthy. Culture is kept intact through practice and the elders bear the responsibility of transferring these cultural traditions to the younger generations through their guidance and loving support. This aspect proves to be the most substantial factor in keeping the Malay community and their younger generations intact and close to their families and communities.
References
Kling, Zainal. “The Malay family: beliefs and realities.(Special Issue: Families in Asia: Beliefs and Realities).” Journal of Comparative Family Studies 26.n1 (1995): 43(24).