Living in the modern world many parents notice that their children, who are at the teen’s age, have much more freedom than parents had when they were at the same age. Also, remembering the level of crimes, alcoholism, smoking, and drugs consumption many parents begin to think that they give much more freedom to their children than they should do. The problem is that teenagers are sure that they are adults and can make decisions without parental control. For parents, their children will always be small and unable to make personal decisions. Therefore, the problem is global no matter what country people live in and of what nationality they are. The main idea of this article is to consider the arguments in favor of giving teenagers the right to choose. I am inclined to think that parents are to give teenagers freedom of choice in many aspects, however, they are to control this choice and give a piece of advice if it necessary.
Much debate is focused on the issue whether to give teenagers freedom in making decisions or to wait when they are elder enough to draw correct conclusions and to find an appropriate way out. The main focus of discussion is based on the ability of teenagers to make correct decisions and on the reasons why many parents prevent them from doing it. It should be stated that in dealing with this problem, parental extended care and teenagers’ desire to become elder are two issues which negatively affect a decision. Therefore, discussing the issue under consideration, I am going to be objective presenting arguments based on common sense without exaggerated parental control and irrepressible desire of teenagers to show their parents that they are adults enough. The arguments are going to support the main idea with the contrary opinion which may put under question all the reasons discussed in the paper.
Parents are to give teenagers freedom of choice in most decisions they make as it helps them grow more responsible. Responsibility for personal actions is one of the main issues which is to be taken into account when speaking about the right of choice. There are adolescents who are able to make decisions, however, there are those who just pretend to make those, but in reality they are not. Career opportunities, love life and dating, and the places of hang-out are the problems which are to be considered without parental point of view. It does not mean that teenagers are to make decisions without informing parents in what they have decided. It just means that parents are not to make decisions for their children, they are to motivate them and support, if necessary. Up bringing their children, parents are to remember that “many boys and girls who’ve had good relationships with reasonably attentive, constructive parents will want to do the right thing – to make their parents, grandparents and family friends proud of them, and preserve their own self-respect” (McKinnon 122). Therefore, it depends on the actions of parents whether to give a child freedom in making decisions or not.
Career planning is a problem considered as the hardest one for many parents. It is proved that many parents want their children to make their personal dreams come true. Many parents want their children realize parental dreams. Therefore, dreaming about a specific career but being unable to have it, or even having achieved much in this profession, parents may want their children either be able to achieve success in this profession or to follow their steps and become better than their parents. Anyway, no matter which scenario is developing, teenagers have to do whatever their parents want. This is incorrect, as in this case children will do what they do not want to and their future profession will not satisfy them. Career planning is an issue which is to be decided individually. Parents may assist children in understanding what they want to do, in considering personal skills and searching for the information about where their abilities may be implemented. In this case parents should play the role of advisors, otherwise, they risk harm their children in the future.
Parents are to give their children freedom of choice in love life and dating as anyway, teenagers will do whatever they want but without parental notification. Teenagers’ age is characterized by “a series of physiological, psychological, and social transformations [when] the social personality is not yet formed, and teenagers are often regarded as searching for themselves as they move toward their adult identity” (Swatos and Kivisto 4). Romantic relationships should be considered as one of the aspect of this search. Dating with specific types of people, teenagers try to understand what kind of people they feel comfortable with. If parents start making their children date with specific types of people, adolescents will have problems in the future in defining what kind of people they need. Being a part of the searching process, love relationships help adolescents find their place in this world. Extended parental control of this process will harm teenagers and may led to psychological problems, such as lack of desire to getting married and having children in the future. On the contrary, people may get married with people they do not need due to the inability to understand that this type of people is not what they need during adolescence.
When parents say their children aged 13-19 where they are to hang out, it means that they control each step of a teenager. Adolescents may get used to such control and they will be unable to think themselves. A decision how and where to spend personal free time makes teenagers use their reasonable thinking. Moreover, teenagers feel responsibility for their actions as they understand (if parents manage to show them) that hanging out in dangerous regions may harm them. If parents make decisions for their children, having grown up teenagers would not be able to draw decisions as they got used to follow their parental advice. Therefore, it may be concluded that in most cases parents should serve as guides for their children aged 13-19 just giving them pieces of advice but allowing making decisions themselves.
However, there are a number of examples when parental control is important. Teenagers do not have experience and life knowledge as their parents do. Teenagers are unable to treat the problem from different angles and making decisions they are usually guided by their emotions rather than common sense. Teenagers are not experienced and their knowledge of life is too restricted. They are unable to consider the outcomes of their decisions, therefore, they are to follow parental advice. For example, many adolescents may have a desire to get a profession connected with creativity and arts, such as a painter, a musician, a singer, etc.
Parents understand that only separate people are able to gain success and achieve highest results in the similar spheres. For others, such profession is more like a hobby which does not bring desired income. Teenagers’ character is based on emotions. This is a period of constant search. Therefore, many teenagers start dating with people who do not fit them absolutely. Each time someone points at this fact make those irritated and they become passionate by a “bad girl” or a “bad boy” more. If parents control their children’s dating, such problems may be avoided. The same is about the places teenagers spent time at. In many cases teenagers want to be extraordinary among their peers, therefore, they select the most dangerous places to stay at. Parental control will prevent teenagers from many mistakes they may suffer from in the future.
In conclusion, “teens gain much when their parents offer guidance in their decision process, but lose much when parents make decisions for them” (Clydesdale 209). Parental control is important, however, it should be implemented on the stage of discussing a decision. Parents should participate in the process of making decisions supporting and encouraging their sons and daughters on correct choice. If parents do everything for their children, they will not learn the process of decision making, they will not be able to make decisions themselves, which may result in greater mistakes in the future. Overwhelming parental control may lead to problem in adult age as grow ups may behave as teenagers, but their protest will result in more harm for themselves.
Works Cited
Clydesdale, Tim. The First Year Out: Understanding American Teens after High School. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2008. Print.
McKinnon, John A. To Change a Mind: Parenting to Promote Maturity in Teenagers. New York: Lantern Books, 2011. Print.
Swatos, William H. and Peter Kivisto. Encyclopedia of Religion and Society. New York: Rowman Altamira, 1998. Print.