One of the determining characteristics of human society is that people have social relationships. They can be defined as the patterns that individuals use to communicate with others and ensure personal and public well-being (Thibaut, 2017). Regardless of what a person is engaged with, social relationships are important for his or her success or failure. Drawing pictures, writing poetry, falling in love and getting married, and so on – all this is the result of human relations, due to which the existence of humanity is possible. Evolutionary and socioemotional selectivity theories are useful to understand how people interact in families and how it impacts their lives. This paper aims to discuss the lessons learned about these theories based on relationships in the family and through my personal experience.
The social connections of a person compose a set of interactions, consisting of actions and responses. A complex network of interactions is formed, covering a different number of individuals. Gradually, in the course of communication, stable social relationships are distinguished from the entire set of interactions (Thibaut, 2017). Based on the rational-sensory perception of surrounding individuals, the person acquires a specific vision that is characterized by certain behaviors. A family is probably the basic social group that allows people to build close relationships. While it begins with the attachment to parents, predominantly, the mother, a person learns to interact with other relatives throughout his or her life (Van der Goot et al., 2019). In every family, there is a different distribution of values between its members, which is determined by culture, traditions, and generational relationships. Consequently, social relationships arise from interactions aimed at achieving different types of values.
The theory of attachment that was introduced by Bowlby was later expanded to include the concept of attachment in adults. The elements of the evolutionary theory can be found in adult types of interactions, including peer relationships (for all ages), romantic and sexual attraction, as well as caring for children, the sick, and the elderly (Finkel et al., 2017). In the animal world, it provides an opportunity for physical survival and ensures safety. In the human world, it does more than meet basic development needs. Namely, interpersonal relationships in the family are the basis of socialization and intellectual development as they connect a person with other people, allowing the developing of a personality and forming an identity. Affection makes people human beings, who have various roles, such as sons and daughters, fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters, wives and husbands. And so on. In this case, surviving refers to becoming a meaningful and conscious member of society.
Attachment can be defined as a close bond between two people, regardless of their location and time spent together, which serves as a source of their emotional closeness. In turn, one can state that affection is striving for closeness with another person and trying to maintain this closeness. For children, a family is a vital necessity in the literal sense of the word since babies left without emotional warmth can die, despite normal care. In adults, the developmental and self-identification processes are likely to be disrupted without emotional connections (Finkel et al., 2017). For example, a strong attachment to parents and to other important family members gives a person the opportunity to develop a sense of trust in the world and positive self-esteem. The absence or breakdown of such relationships leads to severe distress and behavioral problems.
Personally, my family relationships are based on the birth rank of their members, which determines how we interact and approach each other. Currently, my uncle, who lives in India, is my oldest relative and the greatest authority in our family. We have father-daughter relationships and talk 3-4 times a week, discussing the affairs of the family that lives in NYC. I would like to stress that I have never seen my grandparents because they lived in India, but my family is a good example of evolutionary psychology. In spite of location and age differences, we try to stay connected to support each other when needed. I feel the need to belong to my family as it gives safety, cooperation, loyalty, and the link between generations. I believe that we have an inherent survival mechanism that motivates us to follow our family norms and values.
The theory of socioemotional selectivity that was developed by Professor Carstensen is a theory of lifelong motivation (Van der Goot et al., 2019). It suggests that with age, people become more selective about the goals they pursue, prioritizing goals that lead to meaning and positive emotion, while young people follow the goals that lead to knowledge. As a result, Van der Goot et al. (2019) clarifies that the shift in goals as time horizons change serves as the adaptation. It allows people to focus on longer-term work and family goals in their youth, thus achieving emotional satisfaction as they grow up.
Consistent with the theory of socioemotional selectivity, I consider that a person’s ability to perceive time affects motivation. While the pursuit of long-term reward makes sense when a person perceives time as something expansive, emotional and meaningful goals take on new relevance when time is perceived as limited. When I was younger, my goals were less connected to my family, but now, I live with my younger sister’s family and help her in taking care of her daughter. Also, my older sister calls me to help her with babysitting her two school-age children attending an online school. While becoming older and developing a personality, I understood what actually matters in life. Today, I realize my role in my family and society, and I am enthusiastic about developing as a daughter, a sister, a student, and serving as a homemaker for my future family.
In addition, it is important to understand that the theory of socioemotional selectivity implies no direct correlation with the actual age of a person (Van der Goot et al., 2019). It is about the remaining lifetime allotted by nature and God. For example, if a person is young but has a serious illness, his or her goals would change as the life span decreases. I suggest that the selectivity of social ties in later ages, including the preservation of close contacts and emphasis on the emotional quality of these relationships, is adaptive. It is not associated with chronological age, but with changes in the awareness of time and a limited time perspective of the future.
In conclusion, this paper discusses the roles of evolutionary and socioemotional selectivity theories that are presented in family relationships. It is suggested that people need to feel belongingness to their families to survive, which should be understood as the need to live a balanced life. Deep emotional connections with significant people are the foundation and source of strength for all people. In the example of my family, it became clear that both theories help in explaining our behaviors and the attachment to each other.
References
Finkel, E. J., Simpson, J. A., & Eastwick, P. W. (2017). The psychology of close relationships: Fourteen core principles. Annual Review of Psychology, 68, 383-411.
Thibaut, J. W. (2017). The social psychology of groups. Routledge.
Van der Goot, M. J., Bol, N., & Van Weert, J. C. (2019). Translating socioemotional selectivity theory into persuasive communication: Conceptualizing and operationalizing emotionally-meaningful versus knowledge-related appeals. International Journal of Communication, 13, 1416-1437.