Introduction
Family communication necessitates the expression of one’s feelings about someone else or something through both verbal and non-verbal communication among family members. Effective family communication is central in the creation of healthy families and strengthens the bonds of love among family members.
Communication within family members helps in early detection of family differences among members and offers an immediate solution to any conflict, which might occur. Healthy communication in the family creates an enabling environment in which members not only pass information about their wants, needs, feelings, or admirations, but also listen to what others have to say.
Effective family communication therefore, cannot be complete without effective listening internalization of the spoken words then giving of response (Gottman, 1994, p.46). Listening is as critical as talking in a healthy communication. Good family relationships including marriages count on good family communication where people express their love and friendship through the exchange of their feelings to each other.
Furthermore, the only efficient way of passing family information from the elder generation to the younger generation is effective communication between the source of the information and the recipient of the information.
Openness in family communication and honesty propagates trust among family members and therefore, creates an atmosphere whereby individuals can express their thoughts without fear of contradiction and intimidation.
According to Graham, “In order for effective communication to take place within families, individual family members must be open and honest with on another” (1996, p. 24). Trust creates strong relationships among family members.
Family Communication: Essay on My Family’s Survival:
- As narrated by my mother
The story about our family survival stretches way back before I was born, as my mother puts it to me. Through the family linage, this was the only time in history that our family went through a survival stage. Opposition and rejection was what our family went through for not less than five consecutive years.
As my mother puts it, the issue started shortly after our first-born completed her high school education with an excellent performance therefore calling for proceeding to higher education. To the disbelief of my mother, her daughter had performed better than what the entire family expected.
She says, “…out of all the poverty and recurrent sent offs from school for fees, she managed to perform better than any other student in the area.” Mum confirms that at that moment when the family was undergoing tough financial constrains, our father worked as a casual laborer in a farm for the whites with meager payment, which could hardly satisfy the ever-increasing family demands.
Even though the awesome academic performance of my sister brought joy to the family, it was short lived. The struggle to get the huge colleges fees set in. According to mum, everything possible had to be done to raise the amount required for the college fees including borrowing from friends and well-wishers.
With or without money, our family stood for education for its members and the only hope that mother had, was her persistence help she had extended to the surrounding community. “Despite my poverty and lack, I have been supporting others in the society and community around so I believed they would show their appreciation by supporting my daughter too” mother posits.
On the other hand, dad had to continue working hard even though very little came out of his sweat. Things did not happen as anticipated; as mum continues, it emerges that none of those she helped came to her rescue when she needed them; instead, what she got, as a reward was a turn down of her request for support from the surrounding community.
Therefore, to get the required money, my family organized a fundraising function. To my surprise as my mother puts it, very few people showed up during the planned date and therefore, little was collected out of the planned fundraising. With very little hopes of getting enough money for the college fees, my mother and the entire family remained optimistic that their daughter would still get good education and achieve her dreams in life.
The neighbors who claimed to be sincere family friends, they turned out to be “family enemies”. According to my mother, “…none of all these neighbors showed up for the fundraiser and those who did were reluctant to offer any financial support.”
In the state of confusion on what to do next, my mother approached a local non-governmental organization working in our area and presented her request for fees sponsorship for her daughter.
The NGO accepted the request and offered full sponsorship towards my sister’s education. She did a bachelors degree in telecommunication and finally got employment with the national telecommunication corporation where she works even to date.
- Story as narrated by uncle
My uncle narrates the story about our family survival to me from our well-vanished living room where he compares the current state of our family and what it was fifteen years ago. He says, “… I remember very well some years back when everybody in the family struggled to collect money for college fees and none of the community around us showed up to help us.”
My uncle felt disappointed by people who pretend to be with you when in problem but in real sense, they do not care what happens especially when things are badly off.
According to my uncle, the community in totality rejected our family’s proposal for financial aid. Even during the fundraiser, very few people showed up for the occasion and the few who showed up had little to offer. This was a big disappointment warranting one to lose hope in life.
With everyone turning away from you, you feel thwarted and this was the state of my uncle. He says, “At the center of the frustrations and disappointments, a good Samaritan the form of a sponsor showed up and cleared the frustrations and disappointments by paying the full college fees for your sister.”
The family survived a tough financial crisis then with little hard-earned resources, but still out of that little, we are able to support others even those who never helped us at a time when we needed them, as my uncle observes.
- Analysis of the story
During the financial survival period of our family, we had both enemies and good people. First, the whites who continued giving our father employment even though little was paid, but at least the basic needs were met; second, the sponsors from the local NGO who accepted to pay for my sisters college fees.
With the burden of college fees payment lifted from the shoulders of the family, every member of the family felt relieved and the future of my sister looked brighter.
On the other hand, there were ‘enemies’ including our own neighbors who willingly decided not to support in raising the college fees when requested to.
They turned down the invitations to the fundraiser and thought that, without them my sister would not attain higher education. Their rejection and opposition was open to all and despite of my family participating in community activities, our request for financial support received a turn down.
- How the story helps us cope in the world
This story instilled in me the understanding that other forces of nature predetermine the fate of everyone in the world other than what people around us can offer. This understanding helps me to cope well with all the situations coming on my way with a strong belief that, all will be well.
The fate of my sisters’ education as seen was predetermined and no other forces could have objected that. Trusting in people could also be dangerous especially in the event when they turn down on you when you seriously need them as was the case in our family.
- How the family maintained dignity and respect
During the entire period of financial survival, my family maintained dignity in the sense that, after the society turned down our request for financial support in the form of a fundraiser, no one from our family questioned them.
Instead, people were busy looking for other means of soliciting for the funds to achieve the intended goal of my sisters’ education. Not only was there dignity maintenance by our family, but also our respect in the all survival time. After my sisters’ education and subsequent employment, the family dignity and respect increased many folds.
- Moral lesson of the story
Putting trust and hope on people surrounding us may lead to disappointment in the event people fail to turn up for our help when we desperately need their help; nevertheless, that should not destroy our ambitions and the inherent spirit within us to achieve our goals in life.
Maintaining a positive attitude in all situations and not giving up can bear good fruits after the hard situation if only we uphold the values of endurance and persistence.
Every member of our family endured the hard economic time and today, things have completely changed; happiness and satisfaction underscores our lives. Persistence in looking for any possible source of money landed my mother to the sponsors who willingly offered to help us all through.
If the family had lost hope due to disappointment, then the vicious cycle of poverty in our family could have continued.
Conclusion
Good communication among family members helps in creating good and healthy families while on the other hand, poor communication in families defines family breakages and violence. Good communication helps in revealing hidden secrets of the family to the young generation shedding some light on why things are the way they are.
From the stories narrated to me, it is clear that, not all has been well as I thought. At some, point our family went through financial crisis difficult to come out of.
From the stories, my ways of perceiving others who pretend to be real friends has sharpened and no longer do I trust everyone, because people can desperately let you down. The unity exhibited by all the family members during the survival period, strengthened love, respect, and togetherness in the family and as it is today, our family relationships continue to be strong.
Reference List
Gottman, J. (1994). Why marriage succeed or fail. New York: Simon and Schuster.
Graham, E. (1996). Too much to do, too little time. Wall street journal, 1 (4), 24.