Introduction
The term “BDSM” is the acronym for three pairs of words: Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission and Sadism & Masochism. They cover a range of activities and relationships enjoyed by friends and lovers, sometimes just in the bedroom, and sometimes flowing into the day-to-day lives of the people involved. One of the very, very important aspects of BDSM is that it is consensual. This means that what happens has been agreed on beforehand by both partners. If it hasn’t been agreed on then it simply assaults and it’s time for the one being assaulted to pack their bags and leave.
Bondage & Discipline refers to two activities: Bondage being tying, chaining, hand-cuffing, gagging or any other way of restraining your partner. Discipline refers to some form of chastisement or punishment; often spanking, caning, paddling or similar.
Dominance & Submission refers to a relationship where one partner is dominant, or control, and the other partner is submissive, or controlled in some way. Often this plays itself out as the submissive partner serving, or catering for, the needs and desires of the dominant partner.
Sadism & Masochism refers to activities that often explore the erotic aspects of pain; even such simple things as nipple tweaking or pinching.
A dominatrix meaning a female ruler or mistress. mistress is a woman who takes the dominant role in bondage and discipline, dominance and submission or sadomasochistic sexual practices, which are commonly abbreviated as BDSM. The male equivalent is Master. A common form of address for a submissive to a dominatrix is “Mistress”, “Ma’am” Note that a dominatrix does not necessarily dominate a male partner; a dominatrix may well have a female submissive.
bondage involves people being tied up or otherwise restrained for pleasure. Bondage is usually, but not always, a sexual practice. The paraphilia of being sexually aroused by bondage is sometimes known as vincilagnia.
It defines a spectrum of behaviors, including dominance, submission, punishment, masochism, bondage, role play, and a large variety of other activities, frequently sexual in nature. BDSM can also be referred to as “kinky sex“, “power exchange” or “the lifestyle“, but each of these risks being confused with other alternative relationships or sexual behavior. Functionally, it is a form of ‘power play’, where power dynamics are used as part of the erotic experience. As such, BDSM mainly involves at least two participants, these being the “Top” who is the dominant partner in the relationship and the “Bottom” who is the submissive. BDSM tends to involves “scenes” where the party enjoys a scenario which normally tends to involve one of the party voluntarily giving up control or authority.
BDSM practitioners make a clear distinction between consensual BDSM and sexual abuse; it is important that the process is voluntary and that whoever is giving up control is willing to perform what tasks are asked of them. This is illustrated in the expression “Safe, sane and consensual”, which means that the participants are aware of the dangerous nature of what they are doing, that what they are doing is sensible and in a right frame of mind, and that full informed consent has been given by everyone. A similar term used is “Risk-aware consensual kink” (RACK), although this practice expands the range of things that can be performed.
History of BDSM
The historical origins of BDSM are obscure. During the 9th century BC, ritual flagellations were performed in Artemis Orthia, one of the most important religious areas of ancient Sparta, where the Cult of Orthia, a pre-Olympic religion, was practiced. Here ritual flagellation called diamastigosis took place on a regular basis. One of the oldest graphical proofs of sadomasochistic activities is found in an Etruscan burial site in Tarquinia. Inside the Tomba della Fustigazione (Flogging grave), in the latter 6th-century b.c., two men are portrayed flagellating a woman with a cane and a hand during an erotic situation. Another reference related to flagellation is to be found in the 6th book of the Satires of the ancient Roman Poet Juvenal (1st – 2nd-century ad), further reference can be found in The Satyricon of Petronius where a delinquent is whipped for sexual arousal. Anecdotal narratives related to humans who have had themselves voluntarily bound, flagellated or whipped as a substitute for sex or as part of foreplay reach back to the 3rd and 4th centuries.
The Kama Sutra describes four different kinds of hitting during lovemaking, the allowed regions of the human body to target and different kinds of joyful “cries of pain” practiced by bottoms. The collection of historic texts related to sensuous experiences explicitly emphasizes that impact play, biting and pinching during sexual activities should only be performed consensually since some women do not consider such behavior to be joyful. From this perspective, the Kama Sutra can be considered as one of the first written resources dealing with sadomasochistic activities and safety rules Further texts with sadomasochistic connotation appear worldwide during the following centuries on a regular basis.
There are anecdotal reports of people willingly being bound or whipped, as a prelude to or substitute for sex, during the fourteenth century. The medieval phenomenon of courtly love in all of its slavish devotion and ambivalence has been suggested by some writers to be a precursor of BDSM. Some sources claim that BDSM as a distinct form of sexual behavior originated at the beginning of the eighteenth century when Western civilization began medically and legally categorizing sexual behavior (see Etymology). There are reports of brothels specializing in flagellation as early as 1769, and John Cleland’s novel Fanny Hill, published in 1749, mentions a flagellation scene. Other sources give a broader definition, citing BDSM-like behavior in earlier times and other cultures, such as the medieval flagellates and the physical ordeal rituals of some Native American societies.
Although the names of the Marquis de Sade and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch are attached to the terms sadism and masochism respectively, Sade’s way of life is not meeting with modern BDSM standards of informed consent. BDSM ideas and imagery have existed on the fringes of Western culture throughout the twentieth century. Robert Bienvenu attributes the origins of modern BDSM to three sources, which he names as “European Fetish” (from 1928), “American Fetish” (from 1934), and “Gay Leather” (from 1950). Another source are the sexual games played in brothels, which go back into the nineteenth century if not earlier. Irving Klaw, during the 1950s and 1960s, produced some of the first commercial film and photography with a BDSM theme (most notably with Bettie Page) and published comics by the now-iconic bondage artists John Willie and Eric Stanton.
Stanton’s model Bettie Page became at the same time one of the first successful models in the area of fetish photography and one of the most famous pin-up girls of American mainstream culture. Italian author and designer Guido Crepax was deeply influenced by him, coining the style and development of European adult comics in the second half of the 20th century. The artists Helmut Newton and Robert Mapplethorpe are the most prominent examples of the increasing use of BDSM-related motives in modern photography and the public discussions still resulting from this.
Techniques
Bondage can be divided into six main categories:
- Bondage that pulls parts of the body together (rope, straps, harnesses).
- Bondage that spreads parts of the body apart (spreader bars, x-frames).
- Bondage that ties the body down to another object (such as chairs or stocks).
- Bondage that suspends the body from another object (suspension bondage).
- Bondage that restricts normal movement (hobble skirts, handcuffs, pony harness).
- Bondage that wraps the whole body or a part of it in bindings such as cloth or plastic (saran wrap or cling film “mummification”) as well as sleepsack bondage.
Some of the large variety of restraints used in bondage:
- Rope, often preferred because of its flexibility. Rigging, however, requires considerable skill and practice to do safely.
- Chains, including police handcuffs, thumbcuffs and belly chains.
- Institutional restraints, including straitjackets.
- Purpose-made bondage gear, such as monogloves, sleepsacks, bondage hooks and bondage tables.
Some simple bondage techniques:
- Verbal bondage, in which the top simply tells the bottom to do something.
- Simply tying the hands together in front or behind.
- Anchoring the hands to the front, back or sides of a belt at the waist.
- A spread eagle, with the limbs splayed out and fastened by wrists and ankles to bedposts, door frame or some other anchoring point.
- A hogtie securing each wrist to its corresponding ankle behind the back (wider, padded restraints such as bondage cuffs are recommended for this).
- The crotch rope involves pulling a rope between the labia to apply pressure to the female genitals. Sometimes a knot is placed in the rope at the position of the clitoris to intensify the sensation.
Some more complex techniques:
- The reverse prayer position (not recommended unless the subject has flexible shoulders).
- An over-arm tie, in which the arms are brought over the head, and the wrists fastened together behind the head and then by a length of rope, chain or strapping to a belt at the waist.
There are also some common fantasy settings in which bondage is often played:
- Rape, ravishment and/or abduction: The top fictitiously seizes or abducts the consenting bottom and has complete control to do what he/she pleases.
- Dominance/slavery: A training session occurs in which rewards for obedience and punishment for defiance are given. Humiliation is usually involved.
- Predicament bondage: The bottom is given a choice between two tortures. For example, caning on the rear or flogging on the chest. If the bottom cannot stand one any longer, the top will start the other. This can also be done mechanically, like having a bottom squat and rigging a crotch rope to tighten if they attempt to stand.
The acronym BDSM includes psychological and physiological facets:
- Bondage & Discipline (B&D)
- Dominance & Submission (D&S)
- Sadism & Masochism (or Sadomasochism) (S&M)
Safety
Safety is one of our primary concerns. There are many people in the BDSM community who go for the bigger thrills and, hence, the bigger risks. Reducing these risks and making sure that we are prepared when things do go wrong is something that we are all keen about.
Aside from the general advice related to Safer Sex, BDSM sessions often require a much wider array of safety precautions than typical Vanilla Sex (sexual behavior without BDSM elements). To keep all acts within the framework agreed upon by all participants, a commonly accepted set of rules and safety measures has emerged within the BDSM community. To ensure consensus related to BDSM activity, pre-play negotiations are commonplace, especially among partners who do not know each other very well. These negotiations concern the interests and fantasies of each partner and establish a framework.
This kind of discussion is a typical “unique selling proposition” of BDSM sessions and quite commonplace. Additionally, safewords are often arranged to provide for an immediate stop of any activity if any participant should so desire. Quick and reliable response to safewords is an imperative for safe BDSM. In case of voice constraints of the bottom, eye contact or hand signs might be the only means of communication and are therefore of very high importance for safety. Practical safety aspects are of tremendous importance. It is highly important during bondage sessions to understand which parts of the human body have a risk of damage to nerves and blood vessels by contusion or have a high risk of scar development.
Using crops, whips or floggers, the top’s fine motor skills and anatomical knowledge can make the difference between a satisfying session for the bottom and a highly unpleasant experience, possibly including severe physical harm. The very broad range of different BDSM “toys” and physical and psychological control techniques often requires a far-reaching knowledge of details related to the requirements of the individual session, such as anatomy, physics, and psychology.
It is necessary to be able to identify a bottom’s psychological “freakouts” in advance in order to avoid it. Such losses of emotional balance due to sensory or emotional overload are the most common SM emergency. It is extremely important to follow his or her reactions empathetically and continue or stop accordingly.
Conclusion
Tying up your lover is BDSM; so is flogging that person, or bossing that person around, or any of a thousand other things. BDSM is highly erotic, usually (though not always) involves sex or sexual tension; and is highly psychologically charged. One person (the “submissive”) agrees to submit to another person (the “dominant”); or, alternately, one person agrees to receive some sort of sensation, such as spanking, from another. Some people like to be submissive all the time, some people like to be dominant all the time; some people like to switch, being submissive one day and dominant the next. Many people practice some element of BDSM in their sexual lives without even being aware of it.
They may think of “S&M” as “That sick stuff that people do with whips and cattle prods and stuff,” yet still blindfold one another from time to time, or tie one another down and break out the whipped cream. All of these things are “BDSM.” BDSM is not necessarily hardcore sadomasochism; it can be remarkably subtle and sensual and soft. Pinning your partner to the bed and running silk or ice cubes or rabbit fur over your lover’s body qualifies as “BDSM” (specifically, of a variety called “sensation play”).
References
Ernulf KE, Innala SM. (1995) “Sexual bondage: a review and unobtrusive investigation.”
Gloria G. Brame. Come Hithe r2000: A Commonsense Guide To Kinky Sex, Fireside.
Jack Rinella. 2002 The Compleat Slave: “Creating and Living an Erotic Dominant/submissive Lifestyle”.
Wiseman, Jay (2000). Erotic Bondage Handbook Oakland: Greenery Press..