This is essay is based on the book ‘Memoirs of an Ex –Prom Queen’ by Alix Kates Shulman. This work explores the barriers and boundaries faced by Sasha in her search for peace and happiness. Further, the essay discusses in detail how the barriers affect Sasha and the significance of the same in relation to the major theme of the book. Of key interest as well is how Sasha deals with the barriers or manages to live with them or tolerate them in her life.
Sasha, the major character in the book, was born and raised in a middle class family. She was brilliant, smart, beautiful and very philosophical in her approach to issues. Whenever a challenge confronted her, she had developed a mechanism of finding solutions in philosophical thinking (Shulman 1976, 78). She believed that no matter how challenging a situation was, having a philosophical insight was tantamount in realizing its influence in her life.
Sasha faced a lot of life barriers and struggles like most girls of her time. Some of the challenges that girls in Sasha’s world faced included job discrimination against women, sexual harassment, economic exploitation and disenfranchisement of the women (Shulman 1976, 78). Women were alienated from themselves through societal double standards as concerns social life especially when it came to sexual life.
Like all girls or women of her time, Sasha was deeply concerned about beauty or how to remain appealing to men. The obsession with beauty is epitomized in Sasha’s fascistic tendencies. Sasha becomes acutely concerned about beauty after she wins a prom at the age of 15. The win of a prom reawakened in her the adolescence related beauty concerns.
The concern for beauty in her life is heightened in her early 20’s. This heightened concern was triggered by a realization that her braces were wearing off and that her 30s were approaching fast. Her anxiety consisted in not being sure what her 30s would be like. She wanted to be done with the 20s so that the 30s in which she hopes to find true love, peace and happiness would come. This quest leads her in serious considerations of who she is, why she is the way she is and whether she will ever find happiness in life.
As the book unfolds, when the 30s come to her, she is not able to arrive at or achieve the much anticipated love, peace and happiness. This state of affairs as depicted by the author results from the number of barriers or boundaries encountered by Sasha. The first barrier to her finding happiness was the bad early sexual experiences. As Sasha narrates her story, she reveals that boys in her high school were bullies and her first sexual experience was coerced.
The second barrier to Sasha’s attainment of fulfillment is her promiscuous activities. In her 20’s she had already had sexual experience with a number of men. The sexual experiences were not good for her self esteem. For example, the affairs with her University professor negatively affected her self perception and further her perception of men. She thought that having sexual experience with men would help her by improving her self esteem and confidence. However, the opposite is what happened.
Men’s attitude comes out as Sasha’s barrier to happiness because although her first marriage was perfect, the man had many ‘nos’ and ‘donts’. She later married again but the men continually disappointed (Shulman 1976, 116). Sasha and the men seem out rightly mismatched.
All her marriages didn’t work for her and lasted for a very short period ending in divorce. The troubles in her marriages always send her living in the past or reminiscing over her life. Discomfort with this kind of life send her on a goose chase, trying to find how best to live in the present.
Apart from promiscuity before marriage, unfaithfulness was a big barrier to fulfillment in Sasha’s marriage. Sasha didn’t live up to the promise of marriage which involves faithfulness, commitment and honesty. Somehow, it appears lust continued to plaque her; a sort of obsession (Shulman 1976, 46). While married to Frank, Sasha still went a head to have exclusive sexual excursion in Spain (Shulman 1976, 32).
Frank was the typical man, who believed in order and a form of traditional adherence to marriage precepts. He was totally unaware of her unfaithfulness and continued to try out ways of expressing his undying love for her (Shulman 1976, 183). He knew nothing about his wife’s secret mission or trips to places like Spain. While frank still believed in love, Sasha was impatient with him. She restlessly looked forward to the earliest opportunity so as to abandon the marriage.
Sexually transmitted diseases also played a role in barring Sasha from finding satisfaction and rest in life. She went to Italy due to a quest for some form of personal reawakening.
She spent much of her time in Italy doing personal reflection, reading and brooding about her sex life. She eagerly yearned for an opportunity to experience Italian romance. Then she met Leonardo they fell in love. Unfortunately, Leonardo is diagnosed with a sexually transmitted disease; gonorrhea, and he accuses her of having had the infection (Shulman 1976, 132).
Whenever a love escapade went awry, Sasha would go digging into her past and one issue was sticky for her. The loss of virginity and related innocence troubled her conscience or kept coming to her as often as her problems persisted (Shulman 1976, 112). Sasha had a unique family life as compared to the young women of her age. Despite being born in a ‘good family’, she lost her virginity at an early age. This had a huge psychological impact on her life making the meaningfulness of sexuality elusive to her.
The final barrier to Sasha’s finding rest, peace and happiness is her obsession with beauty. The issue was how to remain attractive even after age 30 (Shulman 1976, 113). In effort to find the kind of beauty that would make her attractive even when her body begins to sag, Sasha started out the wild goose chase of shambled relationships. Obsession with beauty made Sasha selfish; she focused too much on her own desires than what others thought of her or the effects of her actions.
The effects of the barriers on Sasha’s life are evidenced in her restless life style. She desired to find rest and peace at last, however, her initiatives failed because of the mentioned barriers. It was her desire to accomplish and live more meaningfully. When it became apparent that she could not continue in her tracks, she goes seeking therapy.
In one of the sessions with the therapists, she discusses the possibility of having extra marital affair because she felt that it was good for her and her lifestyle since she didn’t feel comfortable in having a steady partner in marriage. In therapy, she reveals her desire to divorce and go back to her first husband. As she explains, her initial plan was to leave her parents so she could be free to enjoy the world on her own.
From the therapeutic encounter, it is clear that Sasha need to reconsider her thoughts about self and others. Another important aspect of therapy is the realization the Sasha need to take a firm stance in terms of what would fulfill her life that is not depended on others’, especially men’s, approval or admiration.
The barriers that Sasha faces are critical in understanding the ills or factors that disadvantaged women in society. Through the different barriers and challenges that Sasha faces, the writer is insightfully brings out the importance of self respect among women. The self respect should come with realization of self worthy after establishing a self identity.
A woman’s self identity should not be depended on the approval of men. It is the warped idea that a woman’s worthy is depended on men’s approval or attractiveness that leads to the obsession with beauty among many women. The theme of beauty as an inner attribute as oppose to just physical appearance is well illustrated through Sasha’s story.
In conclusion, Sasha through her barriers and life experiences reflects women’s struggles and obsessions in society. Sasha lived in a society in which women’s needs were not fully appreciated by men. Women were more or less seen as sex objects. There were no equal job opportunities for women and men continued to take advantage. Sasha is a woman who represents the reality but also indicates in which direction women empowerment efforts should focus.
Reference List
Shulman, A. K. (1976). Memoirs of an Ex-Prom Queen. 6th Ed. New York: Bantam Books