The short story “Marriage is a Private Affair”, by Chinua Achebe is a story of two young people who fall in love and decide to get married despite the odds that create difficulties for them in their married life. For several years, the marriage is not accepted by the boy’s father but eventually, the tough father-in-law has to bend before the power of the very love he defied in terms of his son’s marriage to the girl that he intensely loved.
He is emotionally in conflict in changing has adamant stand of not meeting his son and daughter in law when he is informed that his grandchildren want to meet him. The story clearly reveals the theme that marriage is a private affair and that love in the family is very important in strengthening bonds amongst all members.
Main Body
Chinua Achebe’s story Marriage is a Private Affair is about two young people, Nnaemeka and NeNe, who fall in love with each other, but because they are from different tribes that have entirely different cultures, a conflict is created, especially in terms of the clash in belief systems of the older and younger generations.
Despite the fact that Nnaemeka and NeNe are in love with each other, Nnaemeka’s father believes that there is no place for love in deciding one’s marriage partner and that his son must marry as per the traditions of his tribe. Nnaemeka is also not sure about his father’s response, which is evident when he says in the story, “Nnaemeka was silent for a while, and then began very slowly as if he groped for his words: I wish I were sure it would be happiness to him” (Chinua, 1952, p.1).
Surely, the two lovers are caught in a conflict amongst the old and new. While NeNe is from the Ibibo tribe, an area in South-east Nigeria, Nnaemeka is from the Ibo tribe (Mezu, 2006). In fact, an age old tradition is violated when Nnaemeka relocates to Lagos, Nigeria’s capital to live with NeNe. Although NeNe is very eager to discuss her marriage plans, Nnaemeka is not very sure because of his father’s refusal to accept the marriage, primarily because NeNe is from another tribe.
There is a ray of hope in Nnaemeka who believes that over time, his father will change his mind, but the old man is adamant and holds on to his decision that he will never meet NeNe.
Under these circumstances, as Chinua writes, “Nnaemeka saw there was no hope along the present line of argument” (Chinua, 1952, p.1), Nnaemeka has no other option but to carry on with his plans without the required permission from his father, for he has to continue with life in creating a family by marrying the one he loves.
The issue of love for the family did not surface for Okeke because till this time he was not aware of the importance of family and the bong tat unites family members.
He refused to remain in touch with his son although Nnaemeka pleaded with him several times to visit him. At the same time, NeNe undergoes immense hardships in Lagos in coping with the prejudices of women who do not include her in their community because she does not belong to the Ibo tribe.
After eight years, Okeke receives an unexpected letter from NeNe that surprised him as well as put him in a dilemma because he had to make a very difficult choice after reading the letter. NeNe wrote to her father in law that his grandsons wanted to meet him.
Obviously, Okeke’s determination was broken because although he could maintain his tough stand against his son and daughter in law, his inherent love and concern for his grandsons caused him a great deal of regret and sorrow for what he had done, “the old man at once felt the resolution he had built up over so many years falling in (Chinua, 1952, p.1).
He could not ignore or refuse to meet them because despite imagining his own susceptibility, he also foresaw them as his own rejuvenation and continuation of his family. Eventually, the story is suggestive that Okeke undergoes a complete change.
It is evident that Marriage is a Private Affair is narrated by somebody who knows what will happen at the end in terms of the fact that eventually family bond proves to be stronger than tradition and other factors. The time period of the story cannot be ascertained but it can be inferred that the period relates to the early 20th century.
According to Mezu (2006), the general mood is clearly discernable as being worrisome because all characters appear to be troubled most of the time. Nnaemeka is constantly tense because of non acceptance of his marriage by his father, while Okeke is tense initially because of his son’s decision and later because of his dilemma relative to deciding about meeting his grandchildren, which is of course the most difficult decision of his life.
The story reveals the hard facts of life whereby even the most difficult and obstinate people can face breaking situations. It is ironical for the reader to note that Okeke’s pride makes him to distance himself from his son’s life and the same pride makes him to open the doors for his grandchildren. This is because they are innocent and have the same blood as him.
The ultimate setting of the story is portrayed by the rainstorm, which is the beginning of the season. This aspect proves to be the main resolution of the story because the rain triggers emotions and tears as well as sadness in terms of Okeke’s grandchildren and the earth’s fertility.
As the rain falls on his head, Okeke thinks sadly of his grandchildren standing outside in the rain. At the same time it can be perceived that he thinks of himself as fertility brought forth by the rain, which is essential for his grandchildren’s survival. At this point it is evident for the first time in the story that Okeke is fearful of his death lest he dies without meeting them. In the survival of his grandchildren Okeke sees his life and death (Mezu, 2006).
In straying away from the main theme of the story, relative to family love and bond, the characters in the story are all depicted as being diverse from each other but eventually they are linked with each other in some specific ways. NeNe is an extreme romantic and is in strong love with Nnaemeka.
She will do anything for realizing her dreams and her relationship with her lover. She is not concerned about the significant aspect in her relationship that her lover’s father will not accept their marriage. Conversely, her husband Nnaemeka is depicted as being on the other extreme because he is excessively worried about his father’s refusal to accept Nene as his wife.
This worry increases a great deal when he comes to visit his father in a last attempt to improve the relationship between the two, before they got married. In being amongst the elderly in the Ibo tribe, Okeke strongly believes in the traditional ways of his tribe and is not willing to compromise on any front in this regard.
This becomes evident when he refuses to allow his son to marry a girl from the Ibibo tribe. He demonstrates a strong character and high levels of determination; at times being extremely cold towards his son.
But he is humble at the same time because after realizing that he has grandsons, he longs to meet them even though he is in immense conflict about keeping up with his earlier decisions of not meeting his son and daughter in law (Mezu, 2006).
Upon reading the entire story the reader realizes that marriage is a completely private affair and that culture or tribe or other factors are not of much relevance as long as two individuals love each other and willingly decide to get married and to live together. Every individual has the right to decide about his or her life and future, and marriage can thus be considered a private affair.
At the same time, the story delivers a deep rooted message that whatever may be the adamancy on the part of the father, relative to his children’s marriage, eventually, with the passage of time the commonality of blood creates emotions that do not allow the distance to be maintained for long.
The author does not intend to advise that one must necessarily marry away from his or her culture but he simply conveys that there is no barrier to a loving relationship because of cultural differences. After all, marriage is a private affair!
Works Cited
Mezu, R. U. Chinua Achebe: The Man and His Works. London: Adonis and Abbey Publishers Ltd, 2006.
Chinua Achebe, Marriage is a Private Affair, 1952. Web.