Introduction
Following social norms is a common but poorly examined behavior today. Group norms play an important role in developing interpersonal relationships and understanding engagement basics (Roberts et al., 2019). When one person violates the already established norm, various reactions observe to judge the chosen behavior. The idea of my norm violation experience lies in the intention to eat with my hands at a local restaurant and observe the reactions, addressing the concepts of the relativity of deviance and social control.
Norm Definition and Prediction
In the United States, almost all people, except those with particular cultural backgrounds, prefer to use forks and other utensils to follow table manners. Since their childhood, individuals remember that eating with their hands is discouraged. Using forks, spoons, or knives is recommended to slow down eating processes, improve digestion, and maintain a clean environment. To violate this social norm, I will reject using the offered utensils and use my hands to eat spaghetti and a piece of meat. I will expect people to start staring and pointing their fingers at me. The major reaction will be a waiter asking me to behave normally and use the fork on the table. Not to feel shy, I will ask my cousin to join the experiment.
Setting and Incident Description
We visited Riverside Family Restaurant last Saturday afternoon, the period when many families have lunch. Almost all tables were occupied, and we got a chance to find a free table in the middle of the room, which was effective for our experiment. There were two couples, three families with children, and two single tables. The waiter quickly took our order – two portions of pasta with chicken and one village salad. We got our dishes soon and began choosing vegetables from the salad and ate the pasta with our hands, dropping some pieces on the floor. Most visitors noticed our behaviors but did nothing aloud. One of the children pointed her figure at us: it seemed she wondered her mother about our behavior. The woman gave some explanations with a smile on her face. Two single visitors looked at us with slight disgust and judgment. Others were obsessed with their food and continued talking. Most reactions did not vary by location and time, but the waiter came and asked if we needed another fork.
Relativity of Deviance and Interpretation of Findings
When everyone paid attention to our manners, the waiter came and asked us to use forks as it was a public place for families with children. Although no specific sanctions were applied, we realized that eating without hands was a form of deviant behavior at this place and moment, reducing our desire to repeat this behavior: we were ashamed to do what we did. Addressing the relativity of deviance and social order, it was clear that eating with hands at a restaurant with visitors was inappropriate, like being half-naked on the street or singing out loud at the library. The expected reactions in all these situations are the same – people would ask not to break order and follow the social rule. However, the same behaviors of eating with hands could be normal at home, on picnics, or in countries like India or Malaysia where such choices are preferred. It is possible to deviate from norms with friends if all are aware of and feel normal about such an intention.
Conclusion
These findings help me better understand the environment where social norms are broken. Knowing social order and deviance, I realized this violation could provoke unexpected reactions and judgments. I felt ashamed because even small children used forks at the table. People did not address me directly, but it was clear – they were not satisfied with our behaviors. I learned that it was not hard to break the norm and challenge social control. If a person wants to live in society, be respected, and not be accused of something, it is better to follow simple norms. Many basic rules facilitate and socialize our life, and our task is to understand and follow them to predict misunderstandings and coexist in the same environment.
Reference
Roberts, S. O., Ho, A. K., & Gelman, S. A. (2019). The role of group norms in evaluating uncommon and negative behaviors. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 148(2), 374-387.