Home > Free Essays > Family, Life & Experiences > Emotions > The Reality of Love Explained

The Reality of Love Explained Essay

Exclusively available on IvyPanda Available only on IvyPanda
Updated: Jul 4th, 2022


Everyone is created to love, whether living alone or with people. Love is a longing that does not leave but sticks around and, in the event, distracts to the point of controlling someone. Although intangible, affection helps make the human body remain healthy as it enriches the cells by causing a true positivity charge to enable connection with other living things (Atwood 6). Atwood compares love with a proper balance of light, water, and soil with nutrients that nourishes the plants to help them flourish (4).

The degree of happiness, health, wisdom and the idea of people growing and becoming resilient is connected to the fundamental of this feeling of uncontrolled desires. Love causes people to develop a sense of appreciation, see and feel that interconnection that binds a person to others. Love, therefore, cannot be specified as a category of relationships since it is a special bond that can endure for years if nurtured, and it is a root cause for healthy living.

Why People Fall in Love

The love between two people occurs for various reasons, and it can be defined categorically in varying ways. For instance, Kolodny reveals love for someone such as a friend or a child need to be fitting (135). Before one is ready to have affection for another person, the determinants are non-relational issues that occur as specific facts which the lover considers right. This refers to the quality theory as it reveals a person’s attributes are some of the features which some people look into before deciding to engage them in a relationship. Such issues can be beauty and wit or the physical appearance of an individual, the person’s valuation, and rational choices, among other things. It means that physical appearance might affect how a person loves another.

Affection should be regarded as a psychological syndrome and, therefore, needs to be a concern to everyone. Kolodny discloses that people appreciate other humans alone, but they can also admire the nonhumans (136). This author gives an example by revealing that he loves candy apples, which means this person enjoys eating the fruit. In the same way, a statement such as “the French love Jerry Lewis” can translate to mean these people love his movies (Kolodny 137). This normal use of the term attaches it to people more than it should, meaning it is a psychological state.

Consequently, the desire should not only concentrate on the aspect of people loving each other but also on how people adore other things which are not humans. Therefore, another reason for friendship would be a desire which controls people’s psychology toward the things they appreciate. Such an aspect of affection means the loved one might not necessarily appreciate the one giving the adoration. For instance, an apple might not appreciate the fruit-lover, but still, the person will be sustained.

Another reason for loving is an attitude, and this is what has worked for many people today. The desire for romantic lovers, family members, and friends is controlled by attitudes (Kolodny 138). This is the same affection structure, which works among colleagues. Such assumption makes the term used ordinarily and, therefore, it is less than the feature of a psychological state. From the first-person perspective, there is a facet of reflective sense which controls attitudes toward this emotion. When such an experience occurs, it becomes appropriate, and, therefore, the person receiving the adoration feels the connection.

This explains why some people, such as wives, would love their husbands even if they are abusive. Alternatively, this reveals the aspect of love given to the parents, who do not value the children of the individual who is giving love. Thus, it means love might not have a specific reason as to why a person deserves the feeling, but it operates in the context of attitude. In that regard, adoration occurs as an emotion, and there is a reason or need for this emotion in the current society.

Frankfurt’s theory reveals various features of love occurring in the romantic context, and this is what people refer to when talking about relationships. The author’s concept shows a disinterested concern about the flourishing or the well-being of the loved one (McKeever 205). Some, therefore, fall in love to supplement the aspect of promoting and serving the well-being of the individuals they adore. Thus, the primary principle to love is meeting the demands of the virtue without expecting a favor in return. For this emotion to work, it requires the parties to ensure they value it as an object instead of as a means (McKeever 205).

The theory simplifies it to mean, that if anyone falls in love with another person because of money, then it means the loved one is not receiving genuine love because the desires involved are centered on self-interest. Adoring someone, therefore, should not have a reason connected to personal needs such as improving life at the expense of one party.

Affection should occur naturally to anyone in an ineluctable personal context. This desire can appear unconditionally and selflessly for humanity, which is also referred to us, as agape. Frankfurt argues this kind of emotion is associated with the irreplaceable, where a person’s love is in respect to the person’s personality (McKeever 205). Humans are created differently with a unique character, which is vital in defining an individual. If a person loves one in this type of love, the situation forms an irreplaceable phenomenon where there is no room for substitution because of the uniqueness of their personality. Therefore, the reason for such a desire is centered on a person’s human characteristics. Such a passion is primarily centered on specific particularity, which makes the person being loved nameable.

Another reason through which people tend to love others is through identification. Mckeever refers to Frankfurt’s assumption that love will always identify with its beloved (206). The identification aspect occurs when people take the identity of the other persons as their own. This forms a type of relationship where, if the loved ones excel, both parties celebrate, and when there is a loss, they as well share in the loss or misery (McKeever 206).

In this context, that which forms love between two is the aspect of disinterested concern. One of the examples McKeever is providing is sharing money with a person who is homeless, a fact which proves the aspect of disinterested concern (207). In this case, this is vital to mention love at times is shown through the acts of sharing and caring, without necessarily gaining favor from the person. Therefore, besides the notion of gaining from the net party, this desire can easily be engaged with the notion of supporting without needing favors from the subject.

Love at times occurs out of conditions that people are not able to control. This means the desire to be loved is not managed by a person’s choice but at times occurs from external forces, which individuals find unable to overcome. For Frankfurt, this feeling should occur out of caring, which always transpires without our initiation. People need to understand the aspect of being considerate happens outside a person’s charitable control mechanism.

The author gives an example of a wife of a serial killer, who might find she had to stop loving her husband regardless of his actions (McKeever 207). The wife, in this regard, seems to care about the husband in the context of a voluntary necessity. Such necessity is different from logic or causal necessity because such a situation limits people’s will. In this regard, it makes individuals comply with themselves or the treasured. It is, therefore, reasonable to affirm the act of having love occurs beyond people’s control.

Love in the Context of Fraud Theory

Fraud reveals various issues, which drive love, including sex, and those which hold the desire in the context of internal resistance. Velleman supports this aspect by mentioning that this emotion becomes morally dubious if related to sex because there is the aim-inhibited libido (350). It means some people connect not in the context of sexual benefits but through internal resistance when it comes to gaining them.

Fraud mentions that love can occur as a cloud and not by clarifying the vision of the lover. Therefore, the author consents to the fact that love should be considered an exercise that occurs through looking (Velleman 350). To the subject, therefore, the love satisfaction drive happens internally as it occurs through the modification or removal of an inner irritant (Velleman 350). Through the drive, therefore, an object becomes the ultimate focus only if it can be used as the source of inner relief. Keller refers to this as romantic love because it involves strong desires, which demand the need to have another person in a romantic relationship (164). Through overvaluation, humans are empowered to borrow from their ego the ideology of illusion.

In the context of transference, individuals receive love through the repetition of a person’s feelings which were original. Such a situation makes people relate to one another or their loved ones because of the absence of others. According to Freud, this is a misdirected love that is active in not only analytical relationships but everywhere people are in love. It is, therefore, this transference and overvaluation, which Freud affirms as love is blind. The feeling of love can be natural and without reliance on certain issues, and that is what romantic love comes in.


Everyone occurs or was created as is a product of love. This desire is a special bond that can endure for years if nurtured, and it is a root cause of healthy living. It means one of the determinants of good health is finding adoration. Various reasons dictate why people are loved, including fitting situations, blind situations, psychological consideration, attitude, and out of conditions that they are unable to control. In this regard, it can be concluded that love occurs as a natural feeling or connection to make people attract affection.

Works Cited

Fredrickson, Barbaral. Creating Happiness And Health In Moments Of Connections. A Plume Book Psychology. n.d.

Keller, Simon. “How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Properties.” University of Illinois Press, vol.3, no.2, 2000, pp. 163-173.

Kolodny, Niko. “Love as Valuing a Relationship.” The Duke University Press, vol. 112, no. 2, 2003, pp. 135-189.

McKeever, Natasha. “What Can We Learn About Romantic Love From Harry Frankfurt’s Account Of Love?” Journal of Ethics and Social Philosophy, vol. 14, no. 3, 2019, pp. 204-225.

Velleman, J. “David. Love as a Moral Emotion.” The University of Chicago Journals, vol. 109, no. 2, 1999, pp. 338-374.

This essay on The Reality of Love Explained was written and submitted by your fellow student. You are free to use it for research and reference purposes in order to write your own paper; however, you must cite it accordingly.
Removal Request
If you are the copyright owner of this paper and no longer wish to have your work published on IvyPanda.
Request the removal

Need a custom Essay sample written from scratch by
professional specifically for you?

801 certified writers online

Cite This paper
Select a referencing style:


IvyPanda. (2022, July 4). The Reality of Love Explained. https://ivypanda.com/essays/the-reality-of-love-explained/


IvyPanda. (2022, July 4). The Reality of Love Explained. Retrieved from https://ivypanda.com/essays/the-reality-of-love-explained/

Work Cited

"The Reality of Love Explained." IvyPanda, 4 July 2022, ivypanda.com/essays/the-reality-of-love-explained/.

1. IvyPanda. "The Reality of Love Explained." July 4, 2022. https://ivypanda.com/essays/the-reality-of-love-explained/.


IvyPanda. "The Reality of Love Explained." July 4, 2022. https://ivypanda.com/essays/the-reality-of-love-explained/.


IvyPanda. 2022. "The Reality of Love Explained." July 4, 2022. https://ivypanda.com/essays/the-reality-of-love-explained/.


IvyPanda. (2022) 'The Reality of Love Explained'. 4 July.

Powered by CiteTotal, free essay bibliography generator
More related papers