Unhitched by Judith Stacey

Introduction

Family diversity is a current trend in many societies across the globe. Some communities are ready to accept individuals with their personal preferences and unique interests. However, sometimes, additional help and explanations are required to clarify the situation and support families. In 2011, Judith Stacey introduced her book Unhitched: Love, Marriage, and Family Values from West Hollywood to Western China to discuss same-sex marriage through the prism of the equality rights for gays, lesbians, and transgender people. Diverse families exist in every country, from California to Africa and China, and the 21^st century has created a new paradigm of polygamy, sexual practices, and gender responsibilities. In this review, Stacey’s book Unhitched will be summarized with special attention to its strengths (the author’s position) and weaknesses (limited multiculturalism) and the evaluation of such concepts as family, divorce, and violence in class, race, and gender relations.

Summary

Stacey begins her book with a well-known traditional vow that millions of people hear at the wedding. “Do you [Adam] take [Eve] to be your wife…” – this urge reminds the reader about the main idea of marriage when a man takes responsibility for a woman and vice versa. Along with common sections like Acknowledgements, Introduction, and Conclusion, Stacey (2011) develops five chapters to explain what makes gay men “the most controversial, and… the most creative petitioners for family recognition and rights” (p. 9). This goal is rather ambiguous and provocative for the author because it is not enough to examine families and the relationships between their members but to identify the connection between love, marriage, and parenthood in a specific gay-based context.

In the introductory chapter, the author underlines the necessity to unhitch the concepts of love, commitment, marriage, and parenthood and redefine a current understanding of family and fidelity. There are two main problems in modern marriage: the intention to domesticize human relationships and identify erotic desires that have already been constrained by traditions and conservatism. The first chapter reveals the worth of gay intimacy and kinship using the research findings from Los Angeles between 1999 and 2003. Stacey (2011) investigates monogamous relationships of friends, lovers, and ex-lovers to show any success. She proves how families themselves complicate the application of such concepts as masculinity, femininity, and sexuality.

The second chapter describes the peculiarities of parenthood in gat families who are ready to say about their preferences openly. In addition to social controversies and debates, gay couples are challenged by their means of reproduction and the necessity to prove their rights for adoption, care, and surrogacy (Stacey, 2011). There are many real-life examples of how three-parent and four-parent families take care of children and do everything possible to incorporate their moral principles and social expectations. Some stories become successful examples of how planned parenthood is organized in the United States. Some couples are not able to deal with all social forces and prejudices about the role of the sexual orientation of parents.

In the next chapter, the sample is considerably enlarged, and the family system of the South African population is analyzed. Stacey (2011) informs that the South African constitution was the first one to ban discrimination on gender, race, and sexual orientation grounds in 1996. She compares the expected and real attitudes toward same-sex marriage and verifies a slippery-slope nature of legalization. The fourth chapter is focused on modernity and polygamy in South Africa and the United States to show how irrational the policy consequences could be. For example, polygyny could protect families from cheating and family violence but provoke competition as a new unpredictable problem with time. In the last chapter, Stacey (2011) cooperates with the Mosuo people from China and explores families where no marriage is appreciated, and men continue living with their mothers, separating sexuality and romance from parenting. The preferred lifestyle and fatherlessness family traditions attract the attention of tourists to this community.

In general, this book adds a lot to modern literature by enlarging the cultural framework of research and describing family practices from different parts of the world. Stacey achieves a solid understanding of how gay couples treat their parenting opportunities, what African families contribute to current equality rights, and how the role of females rooted in the Mosuo community shapes debates. The offered stories divulge the existing family diversity and same-sex marriage, with all their positive and negative aspects.

Concept Connections

Creating a family is never a simple step, and it is characterized by multiple obligations, rules, and standards. In this class, such themes as gender, class, and racial differences have been discussed to understand the importance of family, divorce, and violence in society. Perry-Jenkins and Gerstel (2020) admit that understanding work and family may be significantly categorized by demographic diversity. For example, race-related differences are based on time, resource, and power concepts that promote fair or challenged family relationships (Jenkins & Gerstel, 2020). Stacey (2011) also uses this factor to explain that some gay men explore their sexuality to members of their own race and reduce unwanted differences in their social contexts. In other words, despite the existing freedom of choice and unbiased racial policies, most people prefer to build families with representatives of the same ethnicity or race. If skin color varies, it is not a problem but another challenge that could disrupt the quality of family ties.

Another important concept in learning the family system is class and the necessity to promote work-life balance. Class heterogeneity and divergence exist in many countries across the globe, and families of different compositions cannot manage this impact, which could lead to disagreement, violence, or divorce. All these concepts are properly discussed in the book and some course materials. For example, Stacey (2011) cooperates with couples who participate in economic conflicts based on their gender and class origins. Although their partners have nothing to do with their financial instability, there is a tendency to blame another person and expect support and understanding. Differences in classes, as well in gender, also explain labor opportunities and the necessity to promote equal division of power and labor across communities (Jenkins & Gerstel, 2020). Raley and Sweeney (2020) relate employment with another significant social concept, divorce, and report that American families that undergo divorce show work disability for both men and women. Thus, family instability, poor work-life balance, and divorce are interconnected in the book and articles chosen as class readings.

Violence is another critical element of this course discussion that is associated with family, marriage, and parenthood. According to Stacey (2011), in the modern world full of prejudice, gays and lesbians continue facing cases of virulent homophobia when individuals are raped and murdered occasionally. This theme is frequently raised from multiple perspectives in research projects. For example, Noble-Carr et al. (2020) recognize children’s needs to cope with fear and powerlessness in families where parents demonstrate violent behaviors and neglect. As well as some adult minorities, children want to feel physical safety and enhance their emotional well-being (Noble-Carr et al., 2020). Usher et al. (2020) underline that COVID-19 isolation also promotes violence in families and distorts romantic relationships due to increased stress, lack of options, and the obligation to spend days and nights at the same place. These conditions toughen racial, gender, and class differences between individuals because most regular tasks are re-shaped, and social changes can no longer be ignored.

The concepts of family, divorce, and violence are significantly predetermined by such demographic factors as gender, race, and class. In the book, many arguments to support this relation are found, including Stacey’s communication with couples from different classes and racial groups and the evaluation of gender roles in American, African, and Chinese communities. When a family has one problem because of poorly distributed gender roles or finances, the emergence of another problem is a matter of time. Some individuals ask for professional help lightly, not to increase safety concerns (Noble‐Carr et al., 2020). In some cases, assistance is sought within families or friends, and experts’ opinions are neglected. With time, people are not always capable of dealing with social problems and personal issues, which provokes the necessity of unhitching.

Strengths and Weaknesses

After reading Stacey’s book, a number of questions are properly answered, while some concerns still exist. For example, the decision to cooperate directly with people involved in same-sex marriage and openly declare their sexual orientation is an evident strength of the study. The author does neither make assumptions nor develop personal interpretations. Her observations and the stories of people from different parts of the work help create a real book. She does not focus on Americans only but shares the experience of African and Chinese citizens who offer different attitudes toward gays, lesbians, and other minorities. The study feels modern because several decades ago, the theme of same-sex marriage was inconvenient and socially inappropriate. People did not discuss their sexual relationships openly and needed more time to recognize their needs and interests. Stacey tries to consider as many things about love, marriage, and family as possible. She succeeds in learning and comparing geographical and social perspectives of the chosen topic.

At the same time, there should always be some space for improvement, and this book is characterized by several implications for the future. For example, it is possible to add the European context to this discussion because Germany, the United Kingdom, and Italy vary in their understandings of same-sex marriage. Despite the intention to introduce this book as a personal investigation, the sample size is relatively small, which is a weakness of the book, and new projects may involve more individuals to remove subjectivity and objectively examine family values. In the end, Stacey decides not to take her own position about current family regimes, demonstrating her uncertainty or the desire not to hurt the feelings of some readers.

Conclusion

Human relationships require constant investigation and improvement, and the book written by Stacey in 2011 is a solid modern examination of the theme of family and love in contemporary society. Same-sex marriage is not a new option for individuals, and many gays and lesbians want to believe that policy-making supports their choices and does not ignore or reject sexual preferences. This book contains several real-life examples from the United States, South Africa, and Western China to describe family values, marriage conditions, and modern love issues.

References

Noble‐Carr, D., Moore, T., & McArthur, M. (2020). Children’s experiences and needs in relation to domestic and family violence: Findings from a meta‐synthesis. Child & Family Social Work, 25(1), 182-191. Web.

Perry‐Jenkins, M., & Gerstel, N. (2020). Work and family in the second decade of the 21st century. Journal of Marriage and Family, 82(1), 420-453. Web.

Raley, R. K., & Sweeney, M. M. (2020). Divorce, repartnering, and stepfamilies: A decade in review. Journal of Marriage and Family, 82(1), 81-99. Web.

Stacey, J. (2011). Unhitched: Love, marriage, and family values from West Hollywood to Western China. New York University Press.

Usher, K., Bhullar, N., Durkin, J., Gyamfi, N., & Jackson, D. (2020). Family violence and COVID‐19: Increased vulnerability and reduced options for support. International Journal of Mental Health Nursing, 29, 549-552. Web.