Love is one of the most perplexing issues of life. There is perhaps no subject about which so many stories, songs, and poems have been written. Love is an emotion that has been framed eloquently by media and art, and people often experience happiness or sadness based on their perception of love and their need for it. It has been scientifically proved that people do need love. American psychologist Harry Harlow conducted experiments on love using infant macaque monkeys that exhibited similarity of behavior with human children with respect to nursing, contact, clinging, affection, etc.
He studied monkey babies who grew up in the presence of mother monkeys made of cloth. His experiments showed that monkey babies raised by these surrogate mothers were psychologically more stable than those who had none. Another interesting finding of Harlow was that no matter how abusive the evil mothers were, the baby monkeys always came back and displayed affection towards them.
This proved that even in the face of abuse, the need for love was overwhelming and moreover shows that love is not just a biological need. Sayings such as “No man is an island” and “Man is a social animal” underline the fact that people need each other love for basic survival and for progress through the ages. Thesis: People search for love because it fulfills their vital needs at four levels: physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual.
The physical aspects of love include providing help, sharing activities, and sex. According to the choice theory, humans are driven by basic needs that are genetic in origin. All human behavior represents an attempt to control the world to best satisfy these needs. The five basic needs are generally listed as survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun. Of these five, the first one, survival is a physical need.
The physical need is said to be driven by nerve centers in the brain. People’s genes instruct these neurological centers to carry out the survival activities that promote health and reproduction such as physical arousal, pleasure, and satisfaction. The early stages of a romantic relationship are more physical in nature and sexual attraction plays an important part. This is when people search for love to satisfy their physical longings. But later on one finds that purely physical love does not satisfy an individual. Only adolescents in the first wild rush of sexuality often relate to one another at this primitive level (DeVille et al, 1980).
On the intellectual plane, love satisfies four basic needs of a person: belonging, power, freedom, and fun. People marry and have family networks because they have an inner need for belonging. This need is satisfied not only through marital relationships but also through other family, friends, groups, classes, and even pets. People also desire a need to be in control. The power need or the inner control need is satisfied when they are listened to and respected.
It is also possible to have the power need satisfied by working for the common good. Power is ultimately a sense of self-worth and can be met by valuing oneself. People need the freedom to choose how they live their lives or at least some aspects of their lives. By providing the element of trust, love allows people the freedom to explore life while having a sense of belonging as well. Above all, love is a fun activity. To share views, opinions, argue, discuss and have conflicts are all fun activities that provide zest to life. In love, people share common tastes and interests and have fun. Sharing a strong need for fun supports all human relationships and is a vital ingredient in successful marriages. People thus seek love to satisfy their psychological needs of belonging, power, freedom, and fun.
Love by itself can be perceived as an emotional need. It indicates the emotional needs that everyone has for affection, care, recognition, acceptance, self-worth, and basic communication. When emotional needs are not met, often people get into destructive activities. For example, teenagers in inner cities often join street gangs and participate in criminal behavior in their attempt to fulfill their needs to feel accepted and valued. When a person is loved, he feels worthy as a person. This probably explains why ancient kings prided themselves on their self-worth by having many wives. Love fulfills the emotional needs of a person in a legitimate manner.
The two most frequent causes that people cite for feeling loving or falling in love are the fact that the beloved provides something that the person wanted, needed, or loved; and the fact that the beloved expressed love, need, or appreciation of the person. Both of these are emotional needs. Thus, love is more satisfying to the emotions. It can also be seen as an escape route from loneliness in the future. Many people desire marriage and family so that they would not be lonely in the future. Moreover, being loved makes people more socially accepted, which is another basic need. This shows that people search for love to satisfy their emotional needs.
Apart from the physical, intellectual, and emotional needs of a person, love also satisfies spiritual needs. People seek to love to find soul mates who can complement them at various levels. Such partners when found, find a deeply spiritual connection that is difficult to express in words. The quest for love needs a person to be selfless and focused. Love provides a person the opportunity to expand himself. He is no longer centered on his own physical and emotional needs. Love calls for inner spiritual expansion. The quest for love also requires a person to be courageous and responsible. The quest gives meaning to life. All of this provides spiritual satisfaction to the person seeking love. Thus love is spiritually satisfying both during the journey part and during the destination part.
Thus, love is an important factor on four planes to every human being: physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual. In love, people’s survival needs are met. They then get a sense of belonging, a sense of power, and some fun from love. Love also gives people self-worth, care, acceptance, and value. Ultimately love enables people to move beyond the self and experience spirituality. People search for love to have their needs on these four planes met.