Growing up, it is emphasized that what children eat be varied, substantial, and nourishing. “Not too many sweets. You’ll get a stomach ache,” so many hear from caring, cautious parents. Through childhood, adolescence, high school, and college, many continue to hear these types of warnings. “How have you been eating?” many are asked, to their own frustration.
The cause of that frustration is often that what one has been eating is a far less pressing factor in his or her overall happiness than what one has been getting out of the relationships he, or she, is in. Often, this feature of a person’s life is not given the same focus as what is taken in to nourish the body, and yet it is a key component to one’s mental and emotional health.
Balance in relationships is important to the heart for the very same reason as a balanced diet is important to the body. Without it, one is left without key, nutritional necessities to the proper working of the mind. To exemplify this, a look will now be taken at some of the parent-child relationships examined in short stories by Alice Walker, David Sedaris, and Sherwood Anderson, as well as a quick analysis of how the concept ultimately translates into romance, monogamy, and friendship.
Alice Walker’s story “Everyday Use” is a good example of how too much of a nutritious substance—encouragement—can result in a daughter that is without certain key ingredients to a well-rounded personality. Dee is the daughter about which this is, and her persona throughout “Everyday Use” rings of self-importance without a significant sense of empathy. One piece of information Walker provides us with is that this character is never told, “No,” throughout her childhood, and readers are able to see how that lack of perspective has created a self-centered person (Walker, 1973, p. 3).
Everyone needs to realize that one’s wants and needs are of the world’s many, and in considering all appetites, foregoing one’s own inclinations is necessary. This relates to the manner by which one is fed. One could imagine a child being served meals as soon as he or she is hungry throughout his or her life, to the detriment of others. That child is Dee. That is why she has no care for Maggie’s wants or needs, and decides automatically that her reasons for wanting the quilt in question are superior to Maggie’s intention to employ it for everyday use (Walker, 1973, p. 7).
The main character in Sedaris’ “The Girl Next Door” is never without the buzz of his mother’s criticisms in his ears. “She liked to take” his “problems back to the source, which was usually” him (Sedaris, 2009, p. 1). This character cannot make a choice without his mother providing a stinging assessment of that choice. This would be the equivalent of constantly being fed, for example, meat and potatoes by one’s mother, while having to suffer intense blame and destructive criticism whenever one dares to eat anything else. Meat and potatoes are nourishing, but one would begin to resent the strength they provide if not allowed to eat any other foods without being chastised.
Perhaps, one would decide to squander that strength in an apartment, and a lifestyle, that is below one’s means, as the main character does in this story. The imbalance in what he is fed emotionally results in him attempting to nourish himself through the girl next door, who at times makes him feel like he is capable and intelligent (Sedaris, 2009, p.1).
Living in the now is just as important as preparing for the future. This fact can also be related to the manner in which one is fed. One cannot eat all one has today and still be prepared for tomorrow. One cannot go without food completely for any long period of time out of the promise of all the food one will have in the future. The latter is the imbalance kept in the story “The Triumph of the Egg” by Sherwood Anderson. The parents in this story so look to changing their status that they all but ignore their present conditions. From their exploits on the chicken farm to their floundering restaurant business, the focus is perpetually on reforming themselves and their stature.
It is their only concern. This leaves the child of the story wondering “…why the egg had to be and why from the egg came the hen who again laid the egg.” (Anderson, 2010, p.304). Does this not sound like a reasonable concern from a child who has never been afforded the pleasure of living and experiencing the world as it is, existing in and for the moment? With this ever unaddressed, a purposelessness in the cycles of life is bound to build in any person.
A friend once said that in his dealings with his fiancé, he had to explain why each of them required a certain level of independence from each other. He compared this need to that of two flowers planted near one another. Too close, and these flowers will compete for the nourishment in the soil too fiercely. Too far away, and they will lack any relationship to each other at all. Without a balanced upbringing, strong needs are created—needs that feel like voids—and like the laws of physics explain, voids create vacuums.
Balance in relating to others then becomes incredibly difficult. As soon as any trust is established, in romantic or platonic relationships, the unmet needs of a person will take hold and will naturally be very difficult for either party to handle. The only solution is to attempt to create balance by looking to many for the sustenance one needs, without overburdening any one individual. It is not difficult to imagine the challenges this would pose. How in control of behavior is anyone who is starving?
Of course it is true that vegetables, meat, dairy products, and sweets all must be proportional parts of any person’s diet, so that one can grow strong and stay strong throughout one’s life. Here, it has also been suggested that emotional wants and needs be met with the some kind of variability. Too much of one thing, served in one way, is bound to create imbalance that will pose great obstacles to a person’s healthy living. This is the significance behind balance in any relationship. Without it, distortions are created in one’s perception due to unmet need, and life is full of heartache and pain.
References
Anderson, Sherwood. (2010). The Triumph of the Egg. [Electronic Version]. Electronic Text Center, University of Virginia Library: 295-304. Web.
Sedaris, David. (2009). The Girl Next Door: How Much Trouble Could a Nine-Year Old Be? [Electronic Version]. The New Yorker: 1-6. Web.
Walker, Alice. (1973). Everyday Use: For Your Grandmama. [Electronic Version]. African American Review: 1-8. Web.